How did I live before you?
by Kim1982
Summary: Clary is a 22 year old song writer managing the Institute, an orphanage where she once lived. She learns some hard Lessons of what it is to have a family, friends and love. How will she cope with the transitions that she is emotionally ill equipped to handle. 1st Fan Fic, All Human, Pairings - J/C, S/I, A/M - I own nothing but the Plot
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

It had been a long night. I had reached the sanctuary of my room on the top floor of the institute at approximately 12:15 am. To say I was exhausted was an understatement. I showered before climbing into bed with my laptop and a stack of mounting bills from the institute. Things were becoming desperate since Madame Dorethea passed 8 months ago, naming me head of the institute, a small orphanage housing 9 children under 16. I had help from my only friends and fellow carers of the children Alec, Simon and Izzy. We all shared a house together before my return to the institute when Dorethea suddenly passed from a heart attack. It was evident that I couldn't do it alone so when the lease on the house expired it made sense for them all to follow. Whilst I ran the institute the others assisted with the day to day routine. We all have jobs outside the institute so organisation is a must in our lives. It also means that there is never enough hours to the day, we are all usually running on empty.

Today had been no exception I had an early class at NQ University this morning, before my shift began at the bar early afternoon. The bar was also Madam Dorethea's, she had me manage it as soon as I came of age. She kept the bar so that the orphans would have a place of employment as soon as they were too old to be taken care of by the system. It had 4 apartments above it, which would be rented to them until they got on their feet enough to tackle the big bad world all on their own. The profit from the bar would assist the institute that had been struggling for years with regular donations. In spite of the generous donation of $3300 that the bar was able to spare this month, partly thanks to me forfeiting a pay check, I am still sitting in bed right now $732 short for the monthly budget. It's been steadily becoming more difficult with the mounting medical bills of one of our children Tessa, a sweet 15 year old girl who was had chronic health problems. This couldn't be happening, the department were breathing down my neck, if I couldn't pull this off they would shut us down and all the kids would fade into the foster system.

My head was beginning to pound from the stress of recalculating the figures for the 3rd time since I came to bed. The clock read 2:17am I wasn't ready for the nightmares to claim me yet I reached for my sweet sounding acoustic guitar and began to softy release my stressful day from my fingertips playing quietly so I didn't disturb the rest of the household.

When the clock read almost 4am my body was fighting to stay awake so I placed my guitar to the side and snuggled down under the covers hoping that the nightmares would not be severe tonight so the house would not be awoken by my cries. I drifted in and out of a fitful sleep until almost lunchtime. When I awoke panicked that my 5:30am alarm had failed me until I remembered that it was my 1st and only day off from the institute, NQ and the bar for the month. By now all the children would be at school, Alec and Simon would be at the Bar and Izzy would be at our band space leading dance classes until the close of school when she would be back to greet and watch the children. Satisfied that I would be alone I docked my IPod and began creating a play list to listen to in the shower.

I turned on the shower and climbed in pulling my fiery red hair from a loose bun on top of my head. I welcomed the hot spray from the shower head washing my nightmares from me. Tilting my face towards the rushing scalding water. I welcomed the sting to remind me that I still can feel something, that I am alive, I survived.

I was ripped from my thoughts and screeched in surprise when the water suddenly turned to ice. Covered in soap I hurried to turn off the water. Roaring in frustration I ripped the towel from the rail near the door wrapping it around my short and petite body. Safe in the knowledge that I was alone in the institute, I noisily made my way through the institute then the back door towards the gas bottles cursing like a sailor, hoping Izzy used all the hot water this morning and that the shower hadn't ran cold because I was unable to make the gas bill this month. Suddenly aware I was outside in a bath towel I began to quickly make my way to the gas bottles, not even thinking about the small detail that I had no idea how to check the bottles had gas. I looked at them quizzically trying to assess how I might work this out when I heard a quiet growl from somewhere close by. I was suddenly frozen. Panic was beginning to take over as I fought myself to stay calm and not let a flashback claim me. I turned slowly towards the growl that was beginning to sound closer every frantic race my heart made. Squeezing my eyes shut and hoping it was a flashback or my imagination running away with my thoughts. I heard a light chuckle come from the direction of the growling that was still yet to cease.

"I thought it would be standard to wear more than a towel when you break into someone's place?"

My eyes snapped open and I spun towards the unfamiliar male voice to quickly to keep my balance. In my attempt to stay on my feet, all thoughts of the fact that I was in a towel escaping me. I stumbled to remain standing as I gripped the wall with both hands. Letting a yelp of surprise as I was greeted by a strange dog barking at me.

"So I'm guessing that you're Clary?" the stranger asked, snapping my thoughts back to the fact that the dog was not alone. He looked at me with a smirk on his face that spelled amusement and appreciation.

"Who are you?" I snapped not realising that the towel had now fallen from my body.

His eyes widened then suddenly fell to the dog in front of me, now playing with the towel that was shielding my naked body from the stranger before me.

'Church! Drop it!' he demanded forcefully. Slowly approaching the dog so not to spook him.

I suddenly became aware that I was completely naked and exposed, accept a few bubbles that still stuck to one of my legs and neck. I rushed to cover my body with my arms and hands, bringing my leg up in effort to further shield me. I was struggling to hold my balance on one leg as the stranger slowly moved towards the dog.

I began to curse loudly, mortified by the situation, effectively spooking the dog into running away with my towel between its teeth.

I screeched in horror knowing that I was now in the backyard naked in front of a stranger who somehow knew my name. _Please don't see my scars_ I screamedin my mind.

"Who are you?" I sheepishly asked again.

"Um… I'm Izzy and Alecs brother Jace" he replied raking his eyes up and down my body.

"Turn… turn around" I screamed feeling my body flush with embarrassment. _SHIT!_ I can't believe that I forgot that he was coming today.

He did as I asked and faced his body away from me with a hand covering his eyes.

"What are you doing out here like that?"

"I…I…. I was in the shower when the hot water ran out and I was coming to check the gas"

"How about I quickly check it then smuggle you back inside? the others will be back with lunch soon, then we will start over, ok?

"Please do it quickly" I begged, allowing the smirk to take over my face at his offer of a do over.

He backed up to the gas bottles. I spun around so I was shadowing his back attempting to save my dignity. He chuckled softly as I grabbed onto his sides, He then proceeded to knock on them both a few times. Hearing a hollow eco following his knocking.

"Drained" he announced "completely empty"

"Fucking hell" I yelled out in frustration. I then heard another soft chuckle come from Jace.

"So, I guess we better get inside" he began to walk slowly towards the institute door scanning around for something. "Sorry about the towel, Church was always ripping them off the clothes line at mums. Id offer you my shirt but…well"

I was pressed up to his back to cover myself, I suddenly became aware of the fact that he was in fact shirtless. I stiffened, my grip tightened at the realisation that I was now pressed up naked against my new housemate that I met under mortifying circumstances less than 3 minutes ago and he was shirtless!

"Holy fuck" I let slip, hearing the chuckle that was now becoming familiar. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut. "Faster please.. Top floor" I squeaked. Still pressed against him we began an awkward stagger through the back door. We were almost at the staircase when the front door flew open. It was followed by gasps of surprise.

"Wow!.. what the?" Alec exclaimed before smirking at my reddened face and Jace's look of horror.

"I was just helping her" Jace announced with a slight squeak to his voice obviously as horrified as I was.

"Sure Jace, we can't leave you alone anywhere!" Izzy scolded.

"ohmygod he's telling the truth, Jace back up the stairs" he began to back up the stairs with me pressed even tighter to his bare back. Izzy, Simon and Alec looking on more than amused, cracking up laughing at my red face, I then proceeded to press it between Jace's shoulder blades. Jace reached around and held my waist as we continued to stumble as graciously as possible up the stair case. I dragged him back in the direction of my room gently releasing him as I backed behind my door.

"You can turn now" I stated once I was safely behind the door with my head peeking out to look at him. He was strikingly attractive. Standing almost 6 foot with tan, toned skin. Now that I was really looking at him I noticed scars, and tattoos covering his torso and shoulders, blond waves of hair just reaching the tops of them. He was beautiful. Realising I was staring I cleared my throat to bring myself back to the moment. "Thanks for the help' I said sincerely. "As memorable as this was, I wish I could say that it was nice to meet you, but… well… it wasn't. This has to be one of the most mortifying experiences of my life!" I explained with a nervous chuckle and smile refusing to look him in the eye.

He chuckled lightly before breaking out into an amazing grin that almost took my breath away. "The pleasure was all mine Clary." His face was now set in a smirk, with his cheeks slightly flushed he began to walk along the hall away from me. "While I look forward to our do over meeting, I have to say it was great to meet you Clary" he stopped at the door to the room next door to me. Gripping the door frame and looking back towards me. Our eyes met. He held me in an intense stare "All of you!" he added with a wink. Then disappeared through the open doorway.

I heard a loud whistle come from Jace's room. I was still frozen in place when I heard a rumble come up the stairs. Church threw himself through Jace's door. I quickly closed my door leaning myself against it covering my face with my hands. I just had one of the most humiliating experiences, with the most gorgeous man I have ever seen, who will be living in the room next door.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

I cleaned myself up as quickly as possible. I pulled my hair into a low side pony tail and put on minimal makeup. Satisfied I was presentable should I be disturbed, I threw myself at my bed hoping to sleep off the humiliation of the morning and start fresh for the afternoon. A loud knock pulled me from my thoughts. After Izzy persuaded me out of my sanctuary by promising my favourite lunch, a lasagne slice from the café on the corner, I huffed past her to the stairs silently telling her that I would not speak of this morning again. Ever.

I arrived to the dining room, the guys were eagerly eating away at various dishes from the café. Taking my seat and stubbornly resisting all eye contact, I opened my lunch. Feeling eyes on me, I looked up straight into Jace's gaze. He smiled brightly at me before holding out his hand to me and announcing

"Hi I'm Jace, it's wonderful to meet you."

Accepting his hand, I beamed at him, thankful he kept his word and for not making this awkward. His smile grew even more as I lightly blushed enjoying the warmth of his palm on my fingertips.

"You too Jace, I'm Clary" offering a final smile before returning to my meal.

Alec let out an amused snort from beside me, both Jace and I directed a death stare to him, effectively halting his mouth just as he was about to say something I'm sure I didn't want to hear.

"Jeeze everyone is so touchy today!" He added shaking his head and taking another bite from his lunch.

"So…" Izzy added, sensing the growing tension and hoping to change the subject." When will the gas company be arriving Clary?" she asked looking towards me as she took a mouthful of her pasta.

I lowered my head in shame knowing I wouldn't be able to pay the gas company what they were owed today, maybe not even in a month. Thinking on my toes I quickly replied" it's been a hard month guys, I wasn't able to fit it into the budget this month. Ill head to the bar when were done here ill figure something out. I promise." They all looked at me tight lipped.

"I thought we were doing better this month?" Simon added looking sceptically towards me.

Immediately I began to become defensive, my stress finally boiling over. Without thinking I slapped both hands onto the table. Standing abruptly as my chair fell to the floor. "I'm trying my hardest here Si, and we are doing better because I haven't taken a wage for over 6 weeks from the bar to try and bring this place ahead. I let go of 2 people last month to triple my shifts. 2 people lost their jobs to try and sort this shit out guys." I suddenly realised I was screaming at my friends and airing my dirty laundry in front of Jace. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and hung my head in defeat. "I'll get the gas sorted this afternoon ok? As far as everything else, I'll just have to find another job or something" I almost whispered, still too ashamed to meet anyone's eyes feeling horrible for snapping at them for no reason. My lunch now forgotten, I was exhausted so I walked into the kitchen in search of a coffee.

I stood at the kitchen bench with my face in my hands trying to calm down, I heard a group of footsteps approach me. I looked up to the ceiling, dropping my hands, squeezing my eyes shut once more "It's really ok guys, ill figure it all out. I always do."

There was silence for a moment, Alec was the first to break it. "Why don't you let us help you Clary?" he gently asked. When I offered no reply he continued. "We live here too, rent free I might add, we pay for nothing, we work at the bar taking our wage. We never questioned you when this arrangement was made, now I wish we did" he frowned sadly. "We are all responsible here." He had now reached my side and put a hand on my shoulder squeezing it gently. "We will all fix this together." He added.

I began gently shaking my head. Guilt flaring though my mind. "You all do so much. I honestly don't mind that you don't pay rent guys. 8 months ago we were 22 year olds living in a fun filled house. Living on pizza with no responsibilities. Now you're living and helping me take care of _9 children_ all with problems, you all work and go to Uni, I truly appreciate it all, I couldn't be doing this without you all but it's too much to ask guys."

"We all knew what we were getting into when we asked you if we could move in Clary, we knew it wouldn't be easy, but we love it here, the kids love it here, let us help you make it work" Izzy spoke with a softness that is rarely seen from her usual intimidating projection. I finally swallowed my pride, I let out a big breath of defeat and gave them a single nod of agreement.

"Ok" I said softly, still not meeting their eyes. "but this is my first day off in over a month and the last one I get for 5 weeks can we start tomorrow?" I added not wanting to do this now.

"You're taking the week off Clary. No arguments. You look like hell" Alec explained. " first you need to bring down the gas bill to sort out so we can all have hot showers tonight, I'll get the bar staffed tomorrow for school hours so we can all sit down together without the children and start working all of this out together. You just need to show us what to do. Go get the gas bill, I'll get my Card." He walked out of the room without another word ending the conversation.

Without saying a word I disappeared upstairs to get the gas bill. I searched the large stack of paperwork for a few minutes until I came across the dreaded paper. When Izzy and Simon appeared beside me. Simon smiled warmly at me, he took the paper from my hand before he left the room announcing that pizza had been ordered for 6pm delivery. Izzy sat on my bed clicking her shoes together unsure what to say.

"Spit it out Iz, I don't have it in me to guess what you're thinking right now" I stated.

"I'm so Sorry Clary." She sadly said. "I'm supposed to be your friend and I didn't notice all this going on, I know you don't like to talk about the deep stuff, but It should have been obvious, I can see it all so clearly now and I'm sorry I didn't notice until this afternoon. You look like shit Clary. I heard you had a rough night but did you even sleep at all? Do you sleep at all?"

My silence betrayed me as a deep frown spread down Izzy's face. She stood quickly and grabbed me in a tight embrace. I immediately stiffened then squeezed her tightly, hopefully letting her know that everything was fine. "Please don't be sorry Iz, I'm a Selfish stubborn arse ok? I let it build to this. We will sort it out tomorrow." I pulled away quickly when I felt a gross stickiness on my arm. Looking at the cause I narrowed my eyes as I found Church standing on my bed looking very proud of himself in between gentle nose nudges to my arm. Izzy screeched and flung herself at him. "Oh I've missed you buddy, the kids are going to love you!" She told him excitedly. Giving him a good scratch around the neck. I couldn't help but smile at her affection. I found myself giving in and running my fingers through his fur, he rolled onto his back towards me begging for a tummy scratch, I rolled my eyes and gave in.

"He really Likes you Clary." Izzy giggled.

"You wouldn't guess by the way he humiliated me this morning" I found myself joining in laughter as the ridiculousness of the day began sinking in.

"I'll leave you two to get on better terms ok? Maybe take a nap? I meant it when I said you look like shit Clary. I'll wake you for dinner." She bent down and picked up all the paper work now spread on my bed, before I could say a word she skipped out the door way poking her tongue out as she disappeared with the large bundle wrapped in her arms.

I sat on the bed next to Church who was making himself comfortable on my favourite side. I gently stroked him a few times before I curled up beside him, I could hear muffled music close by helping me clear my mind and relax me, I didn't even resist and let the exhaustion take me to my nightmares.

I awoke sometime later to a sharp whistle startling Church awake. I must have been using him as a pillow. He stood on my bed but made no move to get off. I raised myself up onto my elbows when I noticed someone standing in the door way. Jace was leaning on the door frame with an eyebrow raised at Church but with a playful smirk on his face.

"Dinner just arrived, bring him down with you the kids are hanging to meet him" he said. He looked to his shoes before adding. "Thanks for letting me stay Clary, almost feels like home." He smiled shyly at me.

"It's good to have you here Jace" his smile matched my own as he turned and made his way down the hall. I jumped off the bed following him and calling Church to join us as we made our way down the stairs in comfortable silence for dinner.

Dinner is always a chaotic time at the institute, tonight was no exception. Everyone was finally seated and the pizzas were placed in the centre of the table. There was 14 of us all together. We needed 9 pizzas to feed everyone. The kids were in there element, dinners like this were rarer than rare in the institute, with the addition of a new person and a fury friend everyone was in high spirits.

The kids varied in age, our youngest was Oscar he was 6. He had been at the institute for 6 months. The younger children never seemed to stay long at the institute, usually finding adoptive parents quite quickly. The other children were all over 10. We had Allie and Toni who were both 10, Luke was 11, Ben 12, Rebecca 13, Tessa 15 and Will and Jem 16. Once a child turned 10 it was rare that they would find a suitable family, they had often been through the foster system, people often felt that they would have difficult behaviours and tended to go for younger children. Madam Dorethea always ensured that the older kids have a lot of involvement in the running of the institute. They would tutor the younger children, cook, clean, help each other to bed. She made sure that they were fit for independence by the time their 18th birthday arrived and the system forced them out on their own.

She had invested in the Bar the year that I arrived when I was 16. I had been in the foster system for years, knowing I would never be adopted as I was the oldest of the house she wasted no time teaching me the ways of the institute. Even after I turned 18 and moved on top of the bar. I spent a lot of time here helping out. Although life at the institute was hard, It was the first decent place I ever lived. I couldn't bring myself to leave completely, it was the closest thing to a home I ever had.

I looked around the room and couldn't help but share the mood, I was usually preparing for work when everyone was eating so decided that I would make the most of dinner and enjoy all the happy smiling faces around me. Simon, Will and Jem were chatting about video games, while Izzy sat there rolling her eyes at them. Alec was mediating a dispute between Allie and Toni for the 4th time this week and it was only Tuesday. While the rest seemed to be engrossed in giving Jace an interrogation. He told them about himself and Church. I learnt that he was 22 and actually adopted by the lightwoods when he was 10, they adopted Church a year later and he was his best friend. Jace was a 3rd year medical student transferring to the same Uni we all attended, he didn't like where he was before and he was missing Alec and Izzy. His hobbies were sports, playing and listening to music and reading. I'm not surprised he is musical, Izzy and Alec are very talented and creative people from an upper class family who spared no expense on their children, and it's how we all initially met. Simon was a friend of mine in high school senior year, I went with him to one of his band practices that Iz and Alec were a part of. Although the band as a whole sucked the 3 of them were evidently gifted, we became fast friends over our common interest and it all went from there.

We wrapped up dinner, everyone helped to clean up before drifting off to do their own thing. Some of the kids began to watch the television while others disappeared to do homework or help the others. Alec had asked me to join him for a coffee on the back porch after dinner. Although I dreaded the conversation I poured myself a cup and went outside to find him.

"Everyone nominated me to do the talking, so here we are" he smiled kindly at me and pulled the chair beside him out gesturing for me to sit down.

"I've gone through the books this afternoon" he inhaled a huge breath before continuing. I began to cringe like a child about to be scolded preparing for him to continue. "I can't believe you have done this on your own Clary, why didn't you ask us for help sooner?" I began to open my mouth to defend myself when he continued talking." You have done amazing, Dorethea obviously didn't leave you much to work with, but really Clary the only issue here is lack of money. If I didn't know better I would have sworn that you were a business student." I chuckled, Alec knows how much I despise paperwork, he is studying business so I pick on him all the time. "I've talked with the others, from now on we will all pay $500 a month for rent. Including you, No more triple shifts, From now on you keep your pay. Between the 4 of us this afternoon we cleared every bill, the institute has a clean slate. We will work out a budget tomorrow for regular expenses, with the 5 of us paying rent, the institute should be fine Clary, Jase is going to look into some grants to pay medical expenses that are going to arise for Tessa, and then we will see where things are in a month. We will work out new schedules tomorrow to share the load of running this place between us all, no arguments." I didn't know what to say so I just simply said "thankyou"

"This should have happened a long time ago, honestly I Don't know whether to be proud of what you have done or kick your arse for being so damn stubborn" he smiled brightly at me. "It's going to be fine, I promise, the institute is in no danger of closing now Clary" I let out a breath as the weight lifted from my shoulders, I involuntarily threw myself at Alec and hugged him tightly, I didn't even realise that I had been crying until I pulled away and noticed that I had ruined Alec's favourite shirt with tear stains. I quickly looked away before he could notice. He reached out and gave my hand a squeeze before walking through the back door, closing it softly and turning off the light to give me privacy. In the darkness I finally learnt what it was to cry silent tears of relief and happiness. I was beginning to compose myself when the back gate swung open, Oscar barrelled through being dragged by Church with a smiling Jace chuckling quietly behind them. He noticed me immediately dropping Church's lead and happily rushing to me.

"How was your walk buddy?" I asked, Jace had reached us by now and his face immediately lost its smile and turned to a look of concern. I shot him a genuine smile as Oscar jumped in telling me all about his outing with Jace and Church. I ruffled his hair affectionately and he ran inside to tell his adventure to the others.

"Thanks for helping out with everything Jace, you didn't have to do that. I'm sorry I have sent a shitty first impression, you must think I'm insane." I shook my head rolling my eyes thinking about how often I have had to apologise and say thank you today.

"Not at all, and I'm happy to help, I lived in a place like this for a few years, I know how it can be" before I could ask any questions he continued "And for your information out initial introduction was one of the most amusing and unforgettable 20 minutes of my life" he added trying to lighten the mood I reached up and slapped him playfully in the arm.

"20 minutes that I'd rather forget" we both laughed and continued to talk and laugh for about an hour before it was time to get everyone ready for bed. After thanking Izzy and Simon over a quick hot chocolate and wishing everyone goodnight I excused myself for bed.

It was almost 1:30am as usual I had been busying myself and avoiding sleep. I turned on some music, plugging in my headphones and blasting my latest creation into my ears. Music and writing was my escape from the world, a release that had relieved me of my reality for years. I hoped one day to sell my music, with the help of my friends as performers along with connections I was slowly building through my studies. I had already sold a few that helped pay some of my student loans and things here at the Institute. Most of my music was not for anyone's ears. It was too personal to share and I was not afraid to admit that I had some major trust issues, the thought of anyone knowing my demons terrified me. This one I had recorded at our band space a week or two ago with Alec on the drums, Simon on Base and Izzy on the Cello. I had been sneaking off every chance I had to fill it with other instrumental recordings, adding layers of guitars and violin. It was coming together great but still missing something, a piano, I had been listening to it for days trying to place a piano piece together in my head that would fit. Right now I just couldn't get into the headspace. I decided to take another shower with fresh gas now thankfully heating the hot water.

I hummed along to my music as I locked my bedroom door, I scooped up my towel and headed for my bathroom with my head phones still blasting out my song. I was oblivious to the fact that the bathroom was already occupied.

 **So Just letting you all know that from now on any Authors Notes will be left in the Review feed from now on. I hate how they are with the chapters on other stories.**

 **This is my first attempt at writing anything ever. I hope it is up to standards. I have pre written most of this story, so it should be updated regularly. I had no real direction when I wrote this, it just kind of spewed out. I am also from Australia so I apologise for any cultural mistakes. feedback is always welcome.**

 **I hope you enjoy my story.**


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

I picked up my tooth brush and began to brush my teeth, still humming my tune even though I was scrubbing my teeth. Thankfully I was still fully clothed when I felt a wet hand close over my shoulder. Without thinking my body reacted, I spun around prepared to violently defend myself. My eyes widened when they landed on Jace with a towel wrapped around his waist he had both hands up as if to surrender. He was breathing heavily with his brow pulled together and a frown on his face. I clumsily pulled my headphones out of my ears with one hand, I realised I was shaking violently from fright and holding a cut throat razor that must belong to Jace, I must have swept it off the vanity as adrenalin surged through my body. I internally cursed myself for not seeing it when I began brushing my teeth, alerting me that Jace was in here.

Panic wouldn't allow me to lower my arm. Jace reached out gently and removed it from my hand placing it on the vanity behind me. He led me back into my room and sat me on the edge of my bed to catch my breath. He quickly slipped from the room and returned a moment later fully clothed with a glass of water.

"Not that I'm complaining but we need to stop running into each other like this" Jace broke the silence handing me the glass.

"I'm so sorry, I could have killed you" I whispered scared to look him in the eye taking the glass and adding a thank you.

"don't worry I have a feeling I could take you. Are you ok, I'm sorry I scared you." I began to lightly giggle.

"I barge in on your shower and you apologise to me?" he began to laugh along with me then.

"I did try to get your attention, when I realised you couldn't hear me I decided to get out" A light blush covered his cheeks before he smirked at me and added "I thought we may have reached our limit on naked meetings for the day" I began to fully laugh at this. He reached around me and picked up my Ipod. Popping a headphone in one side.

"Nice track, who's playing?" he asked tapping his hand on his thigh to the beat.

"Alec, Izzy, Si and me" I replied more than a little embarrassed. I only let people listen to pieces that were finished.

"I thought so, Alec is pretty distinctive on the Drums." He said with the biggest grin I had ever seen. "I can't wait to see you all play, maybe even join you all sometime?" he added hopefully. It was my turn to grin.

"I'll probably head down to our band space with Iz tomorrow since I now have the week off, you should come if you're not busy" I offered excited to maybe hear him play, maybe he would be good enough to add to some of my pieces. I loved having talented friends, it made creating so much better when you had more to work with.

"Definitely" he quickly added. We talked easily for another few hours neither of us wanted to go to sleep, at almost 4 am we decided to try to get some sleep.

I awoke to someone shaking me from my nightmares sometime later. I murmured a few words to the air before exhaustion took me back to sleep, not even opening my eyes. I stirred a few more times throughout the early hours but the nightmares seemed to stay away. I felt something beside me, instead of panic, I was flooded with comfort and security as I realised that Church must have snuck in during the night. Not wanting to startle him into leaving, I resisted the urge to reach out and pat him. Instead I snuggled just a little closer and allowed soft breathing to lull me back to a blissful dreamless sleep.

When I awoke fully at 7am I was shocked to realise that both Jace and church were curled up beside me. Church was curled up in a ball in front of my legs with his head on my knee, Jace was spooned up behind me. I suddenly remembered the middle of the night and realised that it must have been Jase that woke me. I can't blame him, the others used to wake me every night out of concern for my thrashing screaming state. They eventually realised that they weren't going to go away, so they just stopped waking me. I often wondered how they could stand to live with me.

When we moved to the institute they gave me the top floor of the 4 storey building that had 2 bedrooms with a joining bathroom, the institute office and a small lounge area that the kids sometimes used insisting that they needed sleep, plus it would mainly be me using the office anyway. With Jace coming to stay it was to be expected that he would take the only vacant room in the institute, the room beside mine. He must have sensed that I had woken up because I could feel him begin to stir beside me.

"Morning Clary" he removed his arm from my waist and rolled to his back with a stretch.

"I'm sorry for waking you" I apologised. "I probably should have told you about it before." He looked to me with concern.

"I knew, Izzy warned me, I thought she was exaggerating how bad they were though. Don't worry about my sleep, I don't get much myself….. I have them two." He almost whispered the last sentence. Causing me to frown and wonder what could haunt him in his sleep. Silence fell upon my room for a few seconds before I decided to break it.

"Thank you, I actually had the best sleep I have had in months after you woke me" I smiled at the feeling of being refreshed and well rested for once.

"Hmm me too actually" He smiled widely at me before getting up and disappearing into the bathroom. Leaving me gently stroking Church. He opened the door a short time later after knocking lightly.

"I just got an SOS text from Alec, apparently Izzy is talking about making you breakfast in bed" I shot up out of my bed so quickly I half fell to the floor. "whoa where's the fire woman?" Jace asked through his laughter.

"Downstairs any minute if Iz sets foot in the kitchen" I replied. Jase was roaring with laughter as he followed me out the door heading to the stairs

The kitchen was bustling with activity as kids rushed to set up breakfast and finish preparing for the day. The school bus would arrive at 8:15 to take the youngest 6 to their school. Alec or I usually drove the older 3 to the high school to make sure they actually went. Alec had asked Simon to do it this morning so he could set up for our house meeting. I asked Simon to pick up an order I had just made at the Café so we could meet over breakfast, saving us all from the tragedy that was Izzy's cooking. I set to the mammoth task of the little ones lunches, the High School had a cafeteria, I also made the adults coffee. 45 minutes later Simon had left and Jace and Church walked the others to the bus. I finished my coffee and grabbed a quick shower before meeting the others for our meeting.

Alec left no stone unturned as he meticulously went over our personal schedules, the institute routine, schedule and budget. We've even got a lot of things sorted for the bar. Jace would fill one of the 2 vacancies and we placed an ad to fill the other. It was decided that the bar would make no more donations to the institute. Alec had spoken to his parents and they had agreed to make a very generous donation of $4000 per month. I reluctantly agreed on the condition that the profit instead be used to make the bar into a better establishment, it was quite rundown and attracted less than desirable patrons. I was definitely on board if it meant we could create and run a better business and work place. I had suggested we rent out the apartments as there would be no kids leaving the institute for a few years. Although Doretha only let the kids rent them I had been thinking on it for a while to get more money. Alec suggested we sit on that for a while and quickly changed the subject. When everything was sorted and everyone knew what they needed to do we decided to head out for some lunch before Izzy's classes started at our band space.

Izzy Had finished Uni and now taught dance. She spent most of lunch trying to get me to join in now that I finally had more time on my hands. It was decided in the meeting that Jace and I would work the night shifts as we were terrible sleepers anyway, Alec, Simon and Iz would do the mornings at the institute, and Jace and I would do the Afternoons while Simon and Alec opened the bar. This meant I would have most of the school day free when I didn't have classes of my own. Izzy insisted that I did at least one class a week to try and meet some people outside of work, before bribing me with the idea that it was something we could do to spend time together. I ended up caving in just to keep her quiet when we finally made it to the band space.

Izzy greeted her class and began her lesson while the rest of us showed Jace around. We had an impressive setup. Simon was a major Tech head and made sure all of our equipment was top of the range and maintained to perfection. Between us all we had a large collection of instruments, we all played at least 3, they were all tastefully displayed and easily accessible so that we could have everything close to hand as inspiration struck us. Jace was looking around in awe.

"Told you it was Hot Jace" Alec said while shoving Jace playfully in the shoulder.

Jace didn't reply and continued to affectionately run his hands over the beautiful Acoustic that Alec's dad gifted him last Christmas. He then did something that I didn't expect, He sat down at the Keyboard and began to play.

It was perfect, I had never heard this song before yet it somehow felt so familiar. I closed my eyes to feel it deeper, I began to hear in my head the song that I had been trying to fit together the night before. My eyes shot open and I made my way to the recording board, I looked to Jace in permission to proceed, He simply shrugged and continued to play. I was in awe as his notes completed our song complimenting it perfectly note for note. I stopped recording when he finished playing. My words were stuck in my throat as I was stunned into silence, I was astonished. Then Jace broke the silence.

"When I was listening to your song last night it needed something, I could imagine the piano playing behind it." He spoke unsure of his words, possibly worried to offend me.

"Huh! Clary had been complaining all week that it was lacking piano" Alec noted. Jase looked to him surprised.

"I was listening to it again last night to try and get some inspiration for it, It just wasn't happening, do you mind if we record it in full later so we can layer it on and use it?" I asked hopefully.

With a toothy grin Jace agreed, we spent the next half hour recording the track before we decided to follow Alec to the Bar and show Jace around. I couldn't help thinking about how well Jace fit into our lives so far. It had been 24 hours since he arrived, 3 years since he had close time with his siblings and it was almost like he had been here the whole time. Simon knew Jace from trips to their family with Izzy, they had been in a relationship since high school. Alec was a reserved and at times a stiff person, Jace brought out a playful side to him that was amazing to see. Jace was also instantly part of the furniture at the institute, the kids loved him. As I left Alec, Jace and Simon at the bar to return in time for the kids I couldn't help feeling excited that I had finally made a new friend.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

The next 6 months went by quickly, we settled into an easy routine, everything had been running smoothly. Christmas was fast approaching so things were a little tenser for a few of us with exams and Assessments looming. Even with this stress, life had never been better for me. I was doing well with my studies, I sold 3 songs, signing a 12 month contract with a label a month ago to write 20 songs. Allowing us to make bigger plans for the Bar and erase my student loans. The institute had been going great, the kids buzzing with excitement about the 1st Christmas we could afford for us all since before I even moved to the institute. I myself was a little nervous that I wouldn't be able to make it a memorable one.

I have never celebrated Christmas before. I decided to let Izzy take over the planning, telling her that I was too stressed with exams to have the time. Truthfully I had no idea what to do. Her parents would be joining us this year, bringing the youngest lightwood sibling Max, he was 11. Simon had gotten to know him on his trips and seemed excited to be hosting him at the institute. While Izzy and Simon were busy making plans for the holidays, Alec was in lockdown with his studies, this had been his final year, he was determined to graduate top of the class. He had taken the last week off work hoping cramming would bring him results. He had no big plans upon graduating, claiming the institute and Bar was enough for him right now.

We had some major plans for the bar in the next 12 months, having enough money to reinvent the whole venue with investing my earnings from my label contract. It was going to become a Band Bar/Night Club. We would officially close the bar on the afternoon of Christmas Eve. It would hopefully only take 6 months to complete the renovations. Izzy had organised her parents to run the institute over New Years weekend so we could all take a little trip together, this was another 1st for me. I had never been out of the city. The closest I had ever got to a break from my life was my 3 sleep overs to Simons place in senior year. I was more than a little excited to be escaping for a few days. I had no idea where we were going yet but even the uncertain couldn't drag me from my high right now.

Since the day Jace arrived everything has changed for the better. I feel contented, I've never known what it felt like to be settled, secure, to have hope for a future. I often wondered if such a thing was even real. But lately I have found myself eager for the future instead of fighting sleep and nightmares. I feel like things might actually turn out fine.

I still don't sleep that great, more often than not the nightmares have been worse than ever. On these nights Jace and Church will join me for a late night movie and sleepover. He says he doesn't mind because he actually sleeps better. On nights Jace visits with his 'friend' Paige, he would always leave Church as my comforter and protector.

Paige hated the institute, Jaces family, where he worked, everything that was either important to him or part of him. I wondered why she bothered with him if she hated everything that he held so close. She was less than impressed that Jace and I were great Friends, Best friends at that. She was not afraid to let me know whenever Jace was out of ear shot just how much she detested my existence.

I couldn't find it in myself to tell Jace, he had become so important to me, I refused to be the one to take something away from him, no matter how much I hated her. Izzy was beginning to get tired of me brushing it off, Insisting that Jace would have a fit if he knew. He definitely would, he was fiercely protective of me, always joking that it was because I was so small, but I knew it was because of the difficult backgrounds that we both experienced from being in the foster system.

We knew things about each other that we had never confided in anybody else. It was refreshing to find a friend who would look to you with understanding and strength rather than pity. Our friendship developed easily, we spent almost every moment that we weren't in class together because our work and institute rosters were aligned. Life was so much more fun with him around, we could always be found at the band space or in the 4th floor lounge watching a movie or writing another tune. My life began to thrive with his presence. And I love him for it.

There was a knock at my Door, I quickly closed my laptop that had my online Christmas shop on display. I looked up and instantly became nervous. Jace hadn't knocked on my door almost since he moved in, and obviously something was on his mind.

"Can we talk? He asked taking a seat on the edge of my bed.

"This is never good, umm..no?" I cheekily replied. Jace shot me a look pleading me to be serious.

"Ok, what's up, are you ok?" Jace had paled and looked like hell, his fist was clenched together at his sides. I was more than a little nervous now.

"I had been thinking about how ditch Paige for weeks, I don't do serious. I didn't really bother until now because with everyone caught up in the end of year I hadn't

really seen her anyway"

"You broke up?" my voice was barely a whisper, afraid if I spoke normally, my voice would show my happiness and relief. He nodded before continuing.

"She wanted us to go away together for Christmas and New Years. God the thought of being alone with her that long is enough to give me an instant headache. I told her my family were coming and that Izzy had organised a Trip for New Years. She completely lost it and hung up."

"Great taste you have there Jace, does she even know she has been dumped?" he scoffed at my dig on his taste in women before answering.

"We were never really together anyway, but she straight away rang Iz losing it, I was sitting on the porch with Iz talking, I couldn't believe some of the things she said to her, after a heated argument she now knows to lose my number." He then hung his head.

"You ok? you seem a bit broken up for someone who was ditching her arse anyway…. But I'm glad you did."

"I'm a bit mad at you actually" my head shot up to look at him with alarm.

"Me? What did I do?" I yelled out like a 10 year old.

"You didn't tell me how she had been treating you Clary. She wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes if you had told me months ago. I was never really into her anyway, Why didn't you say anything?" he was tightly gripping his hair now. It was scary to see him like this.

"I didn't want you to break up because of me, if it hurt you I couldn't bear to have been the cause of that. You have become everything to me since you moved here. Your my best friend, I didn't want you to be unhappy or think that I couldn't get along with your girlfriends, I can't lose you." And that was the truth. But it was deeper than that, I had developed feelings for Jace, I knew that we would never be together, I know he has feelings for me, though I don't know what kind, he treats me differently than everyone, I don't think anyone could have real feelings for me, I'm too messed up. I don't know how to love someone, he deserves so much more than a broken nobody who could never give him everything and more. Definitely not a girl like Paige, but someone amazing, I hung my head in shame refusing to look at him in fear he would see right through me like he usually did.

"Look at me Clary" he requested. I shut my eyes tightly, willing them to hide my true feelings. He spoke more gently this time as he reached out and grabbed my hand. "Please?" be begged. I took a deep breath to compose myself before squeezing his hand and turning towards him.

"There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you Clary. Nothing!' Jace looked away for a moment taking a shaky breath before returning his gaze towards me. "I've never been close to anybody like I am with you, I can't ever loose that. No one will ever come between us. Ok? I won't let them, you mean everything to me too Clary, Everything!" He dragged me into his arms and held me like the world was ending. He knew that I rarely let people touch me, I briefly stiffened before relaxing into his embrace. There was no one I trusted more than Jace.

As the minutes passed he shifted us so that I was on his lap, I could feel the warmth of his breath across my neck and his nose softly nuzzling behind my ear. As much as I craved and relished his touch I knew something was wrong, he was like a vulnerable child in my arms. I began to run my fingers through his hair and squeezed him tighter to me while begging him with a whisper to tell me what was wrong, he was beginning to scare me.

"I…I have something else to tell you" I was really scared now, I pulled away slightly so that we were looking at each other, I nodded for him to continue.

"You know how I begin to intern at a hospital after Christmas break?" I nodded wondering where this was going. Jace had hundreds of hours to complete within 1 year as a final year intern at the hospital before he could graduate medical school. Although he had decided he didn't want to become a doctor about a year ago, he had come to far just too completely throw it away. He was determined to graduate and see if he changed his mind at the end of the year. He was now an equal partner in the Bar and figured he'd work at that for a few years after graduation.

"There is no local placements for months" his head was hung in defeat. "They….they have placed me at a Hospital of Pittsburgh I start the 2nd week of January." I didn't notice that I had tears streaming down my face until he tightly embraced me once more. "I don't think I can leave you" he whispered so softly I almost missed it.

"You have to do this, you've come too far not to graduate" I managed to get out before a traitorous sob softly escaped my throat. Composing myself for Jace who looked worn and defeated. "so we have almost a month before you leave right? "He closed his eyes and nodded. I pulled him to me before whispering "Are you coming back? I'm going to miss you so much" I was in tears again. He cupped my cheeks with his hands leaning our foreheads together.

"Of course, were going to have a club to run remember? Besides how could I stay away from you, from all of you?" he answered wiping my tears with his thumbs. He leant in giving me the sweetest and quickest peck on the lips returning his forehead to mine. Looking into my eyes with so much intensity that my heartbeat begun to go insane. He slowly began to lean in again. I was too lost in the moment to think about anything other than the feeling of his nose next to mine, the heavenly scent of mango on his hot breath, the feeling of his hand gently moving around to the back of my neck, the other still resting on the side of my face. Our lips met for an emotion fuelled, electrifying kiss.

I had shared kisses with others before but no one had driven my senses wild the way this kiss with Jace did. He tasted of mangos, tears and coffee. He's lips were amazingly soft in contrast to his calloused fingers still stroking my cheek. My body hyper aware of his touch. I was so lost in the moment that I don't even know how long we kissed for. We broke for air at the same time, Jaces swollen lips were now bent into a smile that once again left me breathless, he pulled me into another hug.

"This is going to be the hardest year of my life" our embrace was cut short by a loud knocking on the door. Izzy appeared seconds later with a sympathetic smile on her face. I was still sitting in Jaces arms. Frantically wiping the tears from my cheeks and trying to pull myself together.

"They are here, I'm just making some Tea, come and join us?" Iz asked.

"We'll be right down" Iz nodded once, informing us to hurry as she wouldn't be able to restrain max for long, then we were alone once more.

"Are you ok?" He asked with his hands going back to my cheeks. I shook my head.

"But I think we should talk more about this later, your family is here I don't want to meet them all looking like a train wreck"

"Ok soon" he simply said giving me a long kiss on the forehead and a final squeeze, before standing with me still in his arms, then gently placing me on the ground. He left without another word, I was left glued to the floor where he had just left me, trying to process the last 10 minutes.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

The Lightwoods were an amazing family. Robert was a surgeon, Maryse was a Doctor. They were both funny, easy going and loving people, it was hard not to like them immediately. They were in their element with all 4 of their children together. In the week since they arrived they always seemed to have time for all 9 of the others that were here as well. Insisting that they be included in our tight schedule to help out around the institute. It was now Christmas break and the institute was chaos for the whole day. It was still hard on me adjusting to doing things with assistance since I let the others step up, I was learning to trust and surrender slowly and they were obviously more than capable. After a long few weeks of exams and everything with the bar I couldn't help being thankful that they were here with us to share the load.

Max loved being around his siblings, he was 11 and exactly how I would imagine Jace to be at that age. With over 10 years between him and his siblings it was easy to see why he craved their company. He was also becoming fast friends with the children of the institute. Luke and Max seemed to have become best friends almost instantly, they shared a love of books and had decided to try and write one together, I had been helping them draw the pictures. Max was fast taking a special place with me as well. We had all spent many afternoons down at the band space even, Mayrse and Robert played along with us showcasing where their kids had obviously got their talent. They could both sing, Robert played drums and guitar just like Alec. Mayrse had an amazing voice and played the piano, guitar and saxophone, combined they had a great taste in music. I adored them, yet they terrified me at the same time.

They were treating us all as if we were their children, it was scary yet I couldn't help but soak it all in. I had been through 19 foster homes from the age of 5 to 16, I had never in that time been part of a family. The homes were all abusive on some level or neglectful. 14 of them had ended with me in a Hospital and the other 5 when the schools saw fit to intervene because of obvious abuse. Even the institute was ran as a business never a home.

When I took over I wanted things to be more homely for the kids, something that was difficult as I had no experience to draw from, my life had conditioned me to keep my distance from most people, this was the main reason I wanted things to be different for them. I wanted them to have healthy relationships in the future. Although Jace had his fair share of hang-ups he was very well adjusted thanks to his 12 years with the lightwoods treating him as one of their own. Izzy, Alec, Simon and Jace helped bring an amazing atmosphere and energy to the house. Seeing them all together with Maryse, Robert and Max, it was beautiful.

They were all so lucky, and I loved even more how they knew it. They seemed to have such an appreciation and love for one another. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy towards them. In some ways it is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. It was easy not to wish for something that you didn't know existed. No matter what, I was always able to push things aside and move forward, abuse, hardship and a loveless life was all I'd ever known. Now knowing what I missed out on was shaking me to the core. I know Jace could see it, I think it was one of the reasons that he hadn't left my side. He was always encouraging my interactions and reassuring me with subtle glances that helped me throughout the week.

It had been decided that Christmas day would be spent all together at the bar playing music and enjoying the day together. It was in 2 days, I hadn't had much time to think about it. Finishing up the Bar and having all the kids at home had been exhausting. I was spending most of my free time with Jace and Max. Both of them along with Church had slept in my room every night staying up late playing games and watching movies. Jace had become very clingy with me and was never far from my side, we hadn't shared a kiss since the day his family arrived and we are yet to have time alone to talk about it.

I was secretly thankful, I didn't know how he would react when I told him how I felt, I was still so confused. I had been in a few relationships before, if you could call them that, more arrangements I guess. I had always called them off when the guy began to get personal, I had no interest in feelings being involved. Love was never a thought, I had none to give.

Until Izzy and Simon and now Maryse and Robert, I had never been close witness to a happy relationship. The more I saw, the more certain I was that I had nothing special to give anyone else. Even though Jase was the closest to me and the person I trusted most, I had still only shared a very small offering of my past to him. I wasn't sure that I could offer more. I was scared that if he knew much more that his feelings towards me would change, I couldn't lose the only real friend that I had ever had. I hoped he would understand and be happy with all I had to give.

The kids had let it slip to Maryse that we had never celebrated Christmas. With Izzys help they both were set on making it a celebration to be remembered. Thankfully the revelation relieved me of my planning duties, they both insisted that I enjoyed the ride without planning stress, so I could best absorb the atmosphere that would also be my 1st celebrated Christmas, only asking for input on the childrens gifts.

The house was filled with tinsel and carols when I returned from the final closing of the bar with the guys on Christmas Eve. I was more than a little tipsy from celebration drinks with Alec, Simon, Jace and Robert as we worked through the final clean of what was to be the Bar. It was the happiest I had ever seen the kids in the years that I had known them. The sight brought tears to my eyes as the kids all sat around the piano with Mayrse putting on a Carol performance for us, singing the sweetest silent night I had ever heard.

Robert then insisted that everyone gather around the tree and open 1 present each, a tradition that they had always shared as a family. Even the older kids could barely contain their excitement. It was one of the most emotional moments of my life to watch the joy of them open their 1st ever Christmas present.

It was a night of laughter, tears and love. I watched in amazement as the kids embraced Maryse and Robert with tears of joy. Barely able to hold my own tears, I watched them embrace and comfort every last one of them with such love and understanding that you would have sworn that they were their own children.

I was so overwhelmed that I slipped unnoticed from the room and retreated to have a moment on the stairs. I didn't notice through my tears that someone had come to sit beside me. When I smelt Maryse's perfume I moved to frantically clean and hide my tears.

"It was amazing, wasn't it sweet heart?" she asked in a choked whisper reaching across to rub comforting circles on my back. I then realised that she too was crying.

"Thank you so much, I'm so sorry I was no help.. I …I couldn't have done this" I sobbed out completely surrendering to my emotions.

"You do so much More for them every day darling, we are so honoured that we could do this for you all, you have helped raise some amazing little people. I am so proud of what you have all created for each other." she paused briefly taking a deep breath "I'm guessing that you haven't had much of an example in your life Clary, I want you to know that you have done a wonderful job of providing and raising these beautiful kids, they are so lucky to have had you my dear. So so lucky"

All I could do was look at her and search for any trace of dishonesty. All I could see was awe and love. I pulled her in for a crushing hug and tried to absorb all the love that I could from her in that moment. She held me until my tears would no longer fall and then she helped me clean myself up so we could re-join the others.

I was greeted with crushing hugs and reassuring squeezes from everyone. I know they knew where I had been and just wanted to show me that they too were here for me. I was then pulled to the floor with the kids as they proudly showed me their new possessions. It didn't escape my attention how they held them as if they were the most precious things in the world, I knew to them that they truly were. I promised myself that Christmas would never be missed for institute again.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

After things settled down for Christmas eve celebrations, it was still early, Mayrse and Robert sent everyone to bed, allowing the older ones to watch a movie upstairs for a while on the condition that no one come down the stairs until morning, they all excitedly agreed. She had Jace, Alec, Izzy and Simon begin to decorate the living room even though it had been decorated throughout the week as well. Since there was no illusions of Santa in the institute and Max had grown out of it already, she wanted the kids to wake up to something magical.

When they were finished she had them head to the Bar with Robert to prepare where we would spend tomorrow. Insisting that I stay behind to help her continue cooking for our main meal. We had spoken to them on the phone a few times and I'm sure that not much work was getting done. The tell tail signs of glasses chinking in the back ground and Roberts attempted singing into the microphone gave it away. As the phone conversations were getting funnier we hung up promising to pick them up when they called to tell us that they were finished, there was no way any of them could drive.

We talked a lot about my time at the institute and about how I came to inherit it, she was astounded that I kept things running without much help after the mess that Madame Dorethea had left me to work with. I thanked her for her help with the donations and explained what it truly meant for us. They had basically changed our lives for the better.

She told me about how she met Robert, raising Izzy and Alec the troublemaker twins. About how they came to adopt Jace when he was 10. She explained the challenges of taking in a 10 year old who had it against the world. It seemed that Jace had a hard time adjusting in the early years. She told me how when Max was born and Church came along Jace began to settle, although he got along with Izzy and Alec he seemed to have a special place for Max. She felt that even though he had settled more than they expected, his teenage years were filled with reckless behaviour and a lot of troubled times. She even doubted that he would finish school with his siblings. It was one of her proudest moments when Jace not only graduated but did so with exceptional grades and was accepted to medical school, a choice she didn't expect and loved. She was still concerned even then, it seemed he still had a taste for reckless and self-destructive behaviour. She gushed with pride about the changes she had seen since being here. It didn't escape me when she gave me a secretive smile as she asked what could have brought on such a change in him.

She was overjoyed that Izzy and Simon had settled down and were so happy together but said she always worries about Alec, feeling his self-consciousness about being gay will stop him from finding a wonderful man to share his life with. Her only concern for Max was loneliness not having his siblings around.

She asked many questions about my life, sensing when it was too much and went back to telling me about her children or asking questions about the kids here at the institute. When we had finished up for the night at about 11:30 I decided to head to the bar to pick-up the others.

When I walked through the doors of the bar I was awe struck by the extent of decorations that now transformed it. It looked like a North Pole add I had seen on Tv once. Music and laughter filled the main bar, never had it looked better. Looking around to find the others I fell to my knees in laughter, I spotted Alec on a makeshift dance floor with his pants rolled up to his knees, shirt un buttoned and tied in a knot up past his bellybutton, glittering Christmas baubles hanging from his ears and tinsel tied around his head. I've never seen him so drunk, he was dancing horribly to a god awful song. Robert and Simon were slow dancing romantically together even though it was a fast song, all of them wearing outrageous makeup making them look like drunken drag queens.

Izzy was laying on the bar nursing a bottle of wine laughing so hard she had tears streaming down her face, Jace was shouting out words of encouragement to the guys dancing, he was filming it all on his I phone. He looked pretty drunk himself but seemed to be standing better than the others. After making myself known and quickly hiding the evidence of their drunken shenanigans we set about the mission of getting everyone to the car.

And what a mission it was. I had to threaten to tell on them to Mayrse at least 10 times, stopped the car 4 times during what should have been a 5 minute drive, so they all could vomit at least once. Eventually I had to call Mayrse to have buckets and water ready for everyone, she meet me at the car to help them inside. I had to laugh when she scolded them all for their immature behaviour giving them all a slap on the head as they stumbled towards the stairs, the whole time trying her hardest to hold in her laughter at the state of them. She sent them all to bed with some paracetamol, a bottle of water and a bucket. I checked on all the kids before taking myself up for a shower. I thought about sleeping in Jaces bed for the night as he was laying on my bed snoring loudly and clutching a bucket. I decided I would take my chances with vomit rather than the nightmares that only now came when Jace and Church weren't sleeping in my room.

It was a bad night for Jace. The alcohol must have triggered his frightening dreams. I had been witness to a few bad nights, never have I seen them this bad though. It was heartbreaking to watch him struggle in his sleep, reliving the pain of his past for what felt like hours. I wondered if this is what I looked like to everyone else.

Jace had told me that he had come to the lightwoods when he was 10, forced into the foster system at 8, after the abusive and twisted man who he thought was his dad, was arrested and jailed for Kidnapping, drug trafficking and murder of who he thought was his mother. It was revealed that they had actually kidnapped him from his real parents Celine and Stephen, close friends of the Lightwoods when he was 2. Celine committed suicide 4 years later and Stephen died in a drunken car accident about 3 months after Celine passed. When the lightwoods heard about Jace they spent 2 years tracking him down before adopting him. Jace has never gone into details about the abuse, I would never ask him either, I understand, I have my own secret scars to bare. All I could do is be there, just like he is for me.

The alcohol held him prisoner to his nightmares. I spent the night holding him and wiping his tears, sometimes allowing my own to escape as I wondered what horrors could make Jace, my strong rock break.

The alcohol released him at about 5am he clung to me for some time in silence, before retreating for a shower. I must have dosed off at some stage, I hadn't slept a wink all night. I woke up in Jaces arms when Max and Luke came bursting through the door just on 7am, begging us to come down stairs so they could open their gifts. We told them we would be down in a few minutes and wished them a merry Christmas. I moved to go to the bathroom when Jace pulled me into a gentle hug. Kissing my forehead.

"Merry Christmas Clary" he whispered. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you" he added sadly.

"I guess were going to have to have that talk soon huh" I replied.

"Yes, but not now, you're going to have the best day ever, Im going to make sure of it." He said while still pressing his lips to my head. We heard the kids begin to yell for us from down stairs. Jace released me to quickly use the bathroom to clean myself up, when I came out Jace was back to his playful self again, yelling "Race Ya" before flying out the door leaving me sprinting behind him laughing like a child.

The morning was truly magical. Filled with the sounds of ripping paper and excited screams. Simon was capturing it all on camera while Izzy took photos and Alec and Robert handed out the gifts. All traces of what must have been a terrible hangover unnoticeable. Maryse, Jace and I sat on a nearby sofa taking it all in. we had decided that the adults would exchange gifts in the evening when the day was closing and the kids had unwound. With all presents opened, I moved to begin the clean-up of paper burring the room, Oscar came up to me and insisted that I return to the sofa with him as he wanted to show me his gift. Unable to refuse him I followed. I began to get suspicious when everyone gathered around us. Will and Jem walked up to us holding a large gift, placing it on my lap.

"We didn't want you to miss out on your 1st Christmas morning either Clary. This is from all of us. We hope it means as much to you as you mean to us." They both kissed me on the cheek before moving back with the others.

I was so nervous, I had never opened a gift before. No one knew my birthday so I had never even had a birthday gift. My fingers were shaking so much I was struggling to remove the wrapping. I was thankful that no one mentioned it, when I unwrapped it I was speechless. The kids had given me a frame with a collage of photos. A portrait of us all together displayed in the centre, a picture of me with Simon, Izzy, Alec and Jace playing together at our band space in one corner and various other happy snaps with the kids, others of me and each of my closest friends together filled the empty spaces. I hugged it to my chest as I thanked them all with tears rolling down my face. Jace took the frame from me as I gave them all hugs and personal thanks telling them that I would truly treasure it always.

The kids excused themselves after the clean-up to take their new things to their rooms. Mayrse knowing I had barely slept, sent me upstairs for some more sleep, insisting that I needed energy to enjoy the day, with an evil smile, she put the others to "work off their hangovers" in the kitchen.

Unable to sleep at first, I just laid on my bed with Church quietly humming to myself while looking at my new frame leaning against my wall. There was a picture of Izzy painting my toe nails, both of our heads bent up in laughter, Oscar was at Izzy's feet faking death with a sword under his armpit. Another was of me and Alec, we were sitting at the office table I had a book raised about to hit him on the head with a massive grin on my face, Alec's arm was raised in defence as he was fighting laughter. The one of me and Si was taken in the living room, I was sitting beside him with a Play Station controller in my hand, I wore a smug grin while Si was sunken in defeat, and obviously I just had a rare victory.

My eyes then shifted to the one of me and Jace. We were curled up intimately on the upstairs couch, Churches head on my lap, Jace was reaching across me with his hand on Churches head. The other arm tucking me tightly to his side. I was looking up at him with a goofy smile on my face while he looked down at me adoringly with one eyebrow raised. Our skin glowing from the light of the Television. When were these pictures taken? I began to wonder. It was odd seeing myself so at ease, happy even. The last few months had been a blur of activity, when did I start to relax? The more I looked at or pictures, I was stunned to realise that the family I had wanted my whole life was right here with me. I loved these people, more than I ever thought possible. There was nothing that I wouldn't do for them, nothing. I promised myself that I would give my family more of myself. It was finally time to let them in, to let go. I drifted off to sleep at some point feeling more content than I ever had in my life considering that Jace wasn't beside me.

I woke sometime later to my hair being stroked and Church licking my fingers. Pulling my hand away to stroke his head I opened my eyes to be met with Jaces.

"The others are heading out soon, they're taking the bus. I told them that I would wake you and we'd take my bike when you were ready" I smiled up at him. He was still stroking my hair. "Are you excited for your first Christmas? Its ok if you're not, I remember what it's like. "He asked.

"Yes" I answered honestly. I truly meant it. "I can't wait to spend the day with my very own family" I added jumping from the bed and rushing to get organised, feeling like an excited child should, getting ready for Christmas. I left Jace beaming on the bed as I headed for a shower.

I loved riding the bike with Jace, it was our preferred mode of transport for work. I had yet to purchase a car, I always rode with Jace or used the Institute bus if I needed to get anywhere. I couldn't help but feel disappointed as the ride came to an end. Jase pushed the bike into the Bar, he wanted to have a few drinks today so the bike would be staying here. We would ride the bus with the others back to the institute.

We walked through the Main bar entrance when Jace pulled me to him, he looked up taking my attention to the ball of missile tow that was hanging from the door frame. Before I even realised what I was looking at Jace had pulled me in for a kiss. There was cheers and whistles heard in the distance but my attention was only on the sweet tasting lips on mine. Things got a little carried away as we both went to deepen the kiss. A nearby clearing of a throat pulled us back to our senses, we both softly pulled away at the same time. I was flushed with both desire and embarrassment as I walked towards the empty seat beside Izzy. Jace pulled me towards him one last time whispering in my ear. "we need to have that talk. Very soon" I nodded as he pecked me on the cheek and went to sit between Alec and Simon.

"Damn girl! That was Hot!" Izzy shouted a little too loudly, making me blush once again. I took my seat and attempted to change subject while looking around the amazing makeshift dinner table. "This is amazing Iz!" she jumped in surprise as I hugged her tightly. "Everything is so amazing I never knew it could be this wonderful, thank you so so much. I love you Iz, Merry Christmas." She pulled back for a moment to look at me tears streaming down her face obviously moved by my rare affection, she then almost knocked me off my chair as she threw herself at me. "I love you to Clary, I'm so happy we could do this for you." She pulled me up to the bar pouring us both a drink to toast the day together.

The day was filled with dancing, music and laughter. Especially when Jace revealed the video of the previous night's antics. I don't think Alec, Robert or Simon will forgive Izzy and Jace for a while. I didn't think everyone could look happier than the previous few days, I was wrong. As we sung together, played ridiculous games and enjoyed each other company I became so intoxicated on this amazing energy and feeling of happiness. This was the greatest day of my life so far. I recorded some hilarious tracks, Robert and Mayrse did a killer version Meatloafs 'Paradise by the DashBoard Light' they were so talented and had us in tears it was so comical.

As the day wound to a close we were meeting with all the adults under the tree. We were exchanging gifts. I had gotten me and Iz a day at the NYC's most exclusive Spa together before our trip, she insisted we add a supply shop to the itinerary. I brought Alec a new watch, as he had broken his favourite one recently and tickets for years the basketball season . Si was ecstatic when I gave him 2 tickets to next year's Comic Con, Izzy instantly cringed before trying to be excited for him. And Jace was in Awe when I got him a Laptop setup with his very own electric Acoustic and a skype card, this would allow him to skype us and still play with us after he had to go away.

Everyone deflated at the mention of Jace leaving but he beamed that it was the best gift he had ever received and the night picked up from there. I gave Mayrse and Robert A booking with a photography company to have an afternoon of family photography taken and framed however they liked. Mayrse loved it, and insisted we include everyone here, deciding we would do it after our new years trip.

I was given a present from all of them together. I was handed a small box. When I opened it I gasped in surprise. It was a set of keys with 5 key rings on it, must have been 1 from everyone.

"What did you do?" I accused. A little bit irritated at the thought of them going over the top.

Jace yanked me to my feet. "Come see" he was walking behind me and steering me towards the garage. I squeezed my eyes shut and began shaking my head. We came to a stop. I opened my eyes to a Large Black 7 seater car in front of me. I have no idea what make it was, I have never cared to know much about cars.

"What the Hell Guys? Not that I don't love that you did this for me but it's too much I can't accept this." I glared wide eyed with my mouth hanging open.

"Sure you can" Alec insisted "We've been planning this for ages, its 2nd hand, we knew you would never accept it if it was brand new. Plus I need someone to drive me to the Bar."

"I don't know what to say" I choked out.

"Say thank you" Simon simply added.

So 1 by 1 I did, and not just for the car but for everything they brought to my life. Yet another emotion filled moment, they were now becoming a staple in my life. I'm turning into a sappy girl, what is wrong with me?

After a drive around the block to test out my new beast, I thanked everyone for an amazing day. I promised them that Christmas was now going to be the biggest celebration of the year for the institute, insisting Alec help me budget it into the year so we could make it even better next year, I also insisted that the kids now never missed a birthday, he promised we could do it. I then said my good nights to everyone and decided to retreat to my sanctuary, I actually felt tired from a big day. I was set on just hopping in bed and seeing if I could sleep for once, I felt Jace come up behind me, He put his arms around my shoulders pulling me to him.

"Do you think we could have that talk now?" he whispered into my ear.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

"I'm no good at these kind of talks Jace" I whispered.

"I'm leaving in 2 weeks Clary" Jace began. "It's all been sorted, Robert has even found me a place to stay already, Dr Bane will pick me up from the airport when I book my ticket."

"NO!" I almost shouted "I have a car now, I am going to drive you" I insisted.

"You know I would love that, but it's a long way to drive back on your own Clary. I won't risk your safety." Jace frowned at the thought.

"We could take Alec" I offered. "I'm sure he'd love to come" I added hoping he would give into me.

"Ok, but only if Alec can make it" he decided. "Will you take care of Church for me? I want him to stay with you. He asked.

"Of course, are you sure?" Jace simply nodded, "I'll worry less knowing he is with you" the thought made me smile. "Promise me we will talk every day, even if it's just through texts" he asked. I nodded furiously.

"We can even Face Time, and skype. Simon has set up your laptop to be able to connect to any of us, even Robert and Mayrse. He found me a program that you can record your music, even play and record with us when it's connected were going to test it out before you leave and teach you how it works."

He pulled me into a hug "Thank you so much, I think it's the only thing that might make this bearable"

"Is it selfish that I was more thinking about me than you when I got it?" he began to chuckle, it had become my favourite sound along with his voice months ago.

"Lucky for me we both want the same thing isn't it" I instantly paled at his words, the tension suddenly became thick in the room. I could tell he felt it by the way his cheek muscles tensed as his adams apple bobbed as he took a hard swallow.

"Clary" he looked to the floor. "I've never been serious about a girl before. I never wanted anything personal, no attachments. No feelings. I've never used anybody either, they always knew what they were in for, if things changed I stopped it" He confessed. I was beginning to internally panic. I hoped he couldn't tell. "With the moments that we have shared over the past week I need you to know that I'm not playing you. I just need you to know that this is real to me" I was stunned to silence, he was hanging his head refusing to look at me, then he continued to speak.

"I feel like an arse" he roughly ran his hands over his face before fisting them in his hair. "'I don't even know how to do this" now I was really panicking thank god he wasn't looking at me.

"I finally get up the guts to tell you how I feel, right when I'm about to leave. I don't expect anything from you Clary. I promise you I don't. I just couldn't leave not having told you how I felt, how much you truly mean to me" he was looking at me now with panic mirroring my own

"please say something" he whispered.

"I…I…I I've been so confused Jace, you're the 1st person I have ever trusted. I've changed so much thanks to you. I can feel it. I know how you feel, I…I know because I feel it too." He looked at me in shock.

"I have been trying to think about what I was going to say to you all week. I want you Jace" I whispered. I reached for his hand as I continued.

"I really do. But we can't do this, I don't deserve you, you deserve someone who can love you without all the restrictions that my past still puts on me Jace. I truly feel how far I have come…. but I'm not ready to be who you deserve yet, I'm not sure I ever will be." It was my turn to hang my head I sent a silent prayer that he would understand as I waited for him to say something.

"I have spent the last few weeks telling myself the same thing" he stated "but I'm a selfish arse, I can't hold back from you anymore Clary. It's killing me." He looked pained at his admission.

"I'm going to be gone a year, maybe less, We have that time to hopefully sort through some more of our crap, do you think that you would be willing to give us a proper shot when I'm back if you're ready?"

With tears streaming down my face I threw myself at him. Nodding my head silently telling him yes.

"I'm so scared, the only person left in this world who has the power to hurt me is you." I confessed. He held me tighter.

"Right back at you" he simply said as he buried his face in my neck.

"I promise I'll try my hardest while you are gone, can you wait for me?" I pleaded.

"I already am" he kissed me so gently before he pulled me down so that we were laying facing each other.

We spent hours talking about what the year would entail. We agreed to keep it all to ourselves for the time being, we needed to figure this out on our own, without the others adding any pressure that we didn't need.

Jace knew that his family were desperate for him to settle down. I knew that the others were pushing the same for me. They were always making comments that insinuated things, never meaning any harm, but I don't think they fully grasp what a big thing this is for people like us.

Sometime later we both drifted into a dreamless, blissful sleep wrapped up in each other's arms.

The next few days went quickly. Mayrse joined Izzy and I on our Spa date, it was followed by a massive shop for clothes that Izzy didn't let me pick and insisted we take away with us. Mayrse generously shopped for clothes for the kids along the way. I ended up getting a Haircut and picked up a few things for myself along the way too. I was surprised that it was actually a great day. I especially enjoyed driving my new Voyager around.

Alec had jumped at the chance for a road trip with me to Pittsburgh. We were leaving on the 7th and spending a week there, coming home the morning that Jace started at the hospital. Dr Bane offered to be our personal tour guide and seemed excited for our arrival.

We were leaving in 2 days on the 30th for our surprise new years getaway. Simon was going to be driving the voyager to keep the surprise to the last minute. So today was spent packing and preparing for the unknown.

Mayrse and Robert had called and asked me alone to lunch, requesting that I don't tell the others. This had me on edge for most of the morning. I was relieved when no one asked where I was off to so I didn't have to lie to anyone as I left to meet them at a café in the city.

They were already there when I arrived, a waitress was removing empty cups from the table, they must have been here for some time. I internally cursed myself hoping that I hadn't kept them waiting. They have been staying in the city since Christmas having some time without Max while he stayed with us at the institute. They had better things to do than wait around for me.

I was greeted with warm hugs from them both before taking my seat. We ordered lunch and chatted happily for a while. The air suddenly grew serious.

"You're probably wondering why we asked you hear secretly" Robert suddenly said. I nodded.

"Well we have spent the last few days trying to work some things out. Our time here has meant the world to us Clary, having all our children together again has been so wonderful. We have decided we want to move back to New York." I smiled wildly at them.

"That's wonderful, everyone will be so happy, but why not tell them?"

"Well we wanted to make sure that Robert could join one of the hospitals first. I can start up a practice anywhere. But we actually had a thought that we wanted to run by you. We ran it by Alec when we offered the donation to the institute, he insisted that it wouldn't be a good time and that you were the one we needed to speak with" I was more than a little confused by where this was going at this point.

"I'm not sure I'm following you sorry" I was beginning to get a little nervous.

"Well we don't want you to feel any pressure with what we are about to ask you, we have sorted things out and will be moving here as soon as possible, so please don't think us staying with the kids is dependent on your decision. Or that we will take offense to your decision." Robert looked now to Mayrse to continue.

"Thank you for welcoming us into the institute Clary, I truly meant it when I said what an amazing job you have done. Robert and I have talked a lot since we arrived, we thought if we moved here you might let us run the institute." my eyes widened. I opened and closed my mouth a few times but nothing would come out so she continued.

"I know that they last few days have been very hard on you, and with Jace leaving its going to be hard for some time. I can see what is between you both, and I love that you have each found someone that can understand you. You bring out the best in each other" I began to blush.

" You all have so many wonderful things happening in your future, we want you all to be able to make the most of that, we also want Max to have the experience of being around his siblings as well as children his own age. And they are all such precious children. We truly want nothing more than to do this. We can financially support them all and have already talked about some plans for the future when you are ready to hear them. I don't know what you think about us or what we have just offered, we want you to take all the time you need to discuss with the others before you give us your answer."

"I think you are both wonderful" I quickly interrupt her. "

I only wish I met people like you when I was a kid. I promise you that I will think this through. I will talk with the others on our trip and give you an answer when we get back. They are going to be so happy that you're staying... I'm happy that you're staying. You should tell them before we leave though it will be such a surprise. I'd love to hear about the plans you have, if you have time to share them?"

They beamed at me, I truly was happy that they were staying. Everyone else was going to be too.

We spent another hour or so drinking coffee while they told me of their plans. They were financially stable enough to completely support the institute without government Assistance. So they thought that instead they could start trust funds for each of the Children. I loved the idea, I asked Robert to spend some time in the office with me and Alec when we got back, so we could look at the regulations surrounding everything. I didn't want them making too many plans only to have them squashed, it had happened to me to many times.

I left a short time later, telling them that everyone was home, I would be at the bar to give them some space to talk with the others.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

We had cleared out the Band Space before Christmas, we had moved it over here to the Bar where we would be spending most of our time. Izzy would be continuing to use the vacant space for her Dance classes. Robert had told me he would call when they have had a chance to tell everyone they were moving here. For now I was content to be alone for a while to reflect on everything.

I had honestly already made up my mind about the institute. I was so happy that people like the Lightwoods wanted to be part of it. If they left after the wonderful few weeks we had all had, I don't think things would be the same. They had brought something to the house that the kids needed more than anything, Parents, a family. I thought back to how they had a way of including every last one of the children, even me, making us feel loved, wanted. It came so naturally to them. It's everything I wanted as a child, it's all I want for the current and future kids of the institute. I have seen what amazing adults they have raised in my friends, in the most important person in my life. There is no doubt in my mind that this is what I want for the institute, I know my friends will agree.

I decide I will ask them to the band space when Robert calls and discuss all the changes of the New Year, I didn't want to wait to tell Mayres and Robert my answer.

The group found me writing a new song, with a promise to work on it soon we got straight down to business. Of course everyone was on board with the take-over of the institute. Alec confessed that he knew it would happen eventually they spoke with him months ago, he just didn't want me to feel pressured or pushed out of my only home. He wanted it to be a natural progression.

It was decided that we would all move to the units above the bar. Izzy and Simon will stay with Mayrse at the institute while Alec and I are taking Jace to Pittsburgh, we will then move out if they're settled in ok. It will be a gradual shift from the institute, all of us agreeing that we still wanted to be heavily involved. They were also going to need some support. It's a big thing going from 1 to 10 kids.

We decided not to put a definite time frame on the bar conversion, we had the money to sit on it for a bit and wanted to make sure that the institute was secure before we jumped in to quickly. We had a year before we needed to be concerned. Alec and I would work on the renovations, I would also forefill my contract. Simon will continue his last intense year of Studies in programing and engineering, and help out if we needed anything. Izzy was going to continue her Classes and help out at the institute to spend more time with her parents.

We sadly decided to cancel our New Years Trip, there was just too much going on. We decided on a private party here at the Bar. We also opted to take a 2 week vacation with Jace when he graduated and before the bar would open.

When we told the news to the Lightwoods they were ecstatic. All the kids were very excited, it seemed the transition would be smooth after all. Mayrse and Robert were flying out in the morning to get everything organised, returning on the afternoon of New Years Eve. Max would be staying with us. Max had barely left Jaces side since Christmas, he was going to miss Jace as much as I was.

It was Friday, every Friday afternoon I would bake a ridiculous amount of cookies for the institute. Jace usually ate half of them on his own, insisting that they were the best he'd ever tasted. I had asked Max to help me tonight, the other kids were never really interested in them so I was very surprised when Max jumped at the chance. It was the most fun I had backing since Jace joined me one time. he made everyone sick by discretely swapping the ingredients for other things along the way. It is because of this incident that we were the only 2 that eat them. Now I guess there is 3 of us. I promised to have Max at the unit every Friday afternoon to make cookies with me, we decided we would post Jace some every week as a surprise. The plan already being that Max would spend 1 night a week with us all.

Simon and Izzy were moving into one of the units on their own. They wanted to think about starting a family in the coming years so it was a no brainer.

We were thinking that Jace and I would just share one, the one closest to the roof for Church. Alec insisting that he needed sleep so would therefore have his own after it was renovated. With a 4th unit, the option for Jace to have his own was there. But for now we would all share while the units were renovated 2 at a time. Beginning with mine and Izzys.

Alec and Jace were going to begin converting the roof tomorrow to create a Rooftop Backyard for Chruch. Izzy was organising a few small alterations to make things more liveable, things like dog doors and Safety Barriers for the rooftop, some last minute plumbing issues, painting, carpeting and carpentry changes. They were in quite good condition just slightly out dated. We would be spending 24 hours a day here sometimes, we wanted it to be a comfortable home.

When the cookies were cooked I placed some in the cupboard for Max and decided to take the rest and look for Jace. I found him in the upstairs lounge with Church, no television or noise, he was just sitting. He was definitely starting to feel stressed out. I walked up to him sitting straight down on his lap, I quickly shoved a cookie in his mouth before he had a chance to say anything. His eyes widened, then he let out a heavenly moan of satisfaction, as he began to chew away at the cookie. His reaction made me lick my lips, I giggled at the now ridiculous noises he was making, over acting to the extreme. I slapped his arm playfully as he finished, licking his lips and eyeing over to the tub full of cookies on the coffee table.

"If I put a cookie in your mouth will you moan for me?" he playfully asked, picking up a cookie and attempting to pin me to the lounge. I cracked up laughing at his craziness, as I wrestled with his hands to avoid the cookie making contact with my mouth. Things went back and forth like this for a few minutes until a cookie accidently got broken. Bringing a frown to his face.

"Hey, what happened" I reached for his face to smooth out the frown lines. My legs were wrapped around his torso from our wrestling a few minutes before hand.

"I just realised at the thought of wasting a cookie how long it's going to be till I get to eat them again."

"Oh Jace!" I pulled him closer so our bodies were flush against each other. We were now in a very intimate position, he was on top of me with my legs wrapped around his waist. We shared a bed for months and yet never found ourselves in such a position. I began to stroke his hair as I spoke.

"I have already got it sorted, Max and I are baking them for you and sending them to you every week" he slammed our mouths together in the most intense kiss we had shared yet.

It wasn't hard to loose myself in the kisses that we had shared so far. He was an amazing kisser, It was getting carried away pretty fast when Jace broke the kiss. He leaned down and began to suck on my collar bone in a particularly delicious way.

"God! I think I'm in love with you" he whispered as he came back up to plant sweet kisses to my mouth. I was quick to reply choosing humour to defuse any awkwardness.

"You just want me for my cookies." I blurted out. Not really thinking that through and catching my mistake immediately. A sexy smirk broke out on Jaces face. "Oh wow, that came out perfectly" I added with as much sarcasm as I could. I giggled softly as I heated with embaressment.

"For the record, I want you and your cookie" he threw back with a sexy smirk and a wink. I giggled at him again stealing a peck from his lips. He suddenly grew serious." I meant it though, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you" I rested my forehead against his.

"I can feel it" not able to let the words slip from my lips even though I knew I might be feeling them. he slammed our lips together once again turning up the heat a notch on this one. It was one thing to hear the words spoken from his lips, but another thing entirely to feel them in his kiss. I hoped he too could feel everything I wanted to show him. It was the most magical kiss I have ever felt. As our arms roamed each other's bodies in a search for closeness we came crashing back to reality when a gasp came from the top of the stairs. I snapped my hand out from under Jaces shirt as he pulled me up to sit on the couch beside him. Clearing his throat to focus himself. I still hadn't taken my eyes off him completely transported by the intensity of the moment that we just shared.

"There's no one there" Jace Said, "someone's playing games with us I think" he chucked "can't get much more busted than that" I laughed at him, I noticed for the first time that his lips were swollen and cheeks adorably flushed. Suddenly Robert came out of the office with a stack of papers in his hand, throwing a quick glance at us before doing a double take, shaking his head with a chuckle at the state of us.

"Jeeze guys I've been trying to get your attention for over 20 minutes!" I baulked "I'm guessing I wasn't supposed to see that?" Jace shook his head. "I'll keep it to myself for now, but seriously unless you want your mother planning your wedding before you go keep it behind closed doors" I was mortified, I began to untangle myself from Jace quickly.

"Sure sorry, thanks Dad, what did you need?" Jace asked. We were both now sitting on the sofa trying to compose ourselves.

"Ahhh well I have been going through all the files and I came across one that I think you might want, Clarissa?" I shot off the couch in true ninja style.

Robert was holding my Case file.

"You read it!" I shrieked. He hung his head and nodded.

"I've only known you as Clary my dear, it… it took me awhile to realise, I'm so sorry I didn't know it was you" he whispered "I know it's against regulations but I thought you might prefer it in your hands rather than to be left here. I just ask that you don't destroy it so that if I am ever questioned I can recover it."

I simply nodded and took the file from him, I walked straight past him to my room, the last half hour wiped from me with the mention of my real name. I let the file slip from my arms and I walked to my bed and buried myself in the covers. Moments later a door opened and closed. I heard rustling then the sound of a draw being opened and closed. The movements brought me back to myself, when Robert called me Clarissa, it shook me to the core. It's been such a long time since I heard that name leave the lips of a man. I never want to hear it again. Jace pulled the blanket from me and pulled me into his lap.

"Cl.." I interrupted before he could speak terrified that he would call my real name.

"It's Clary….. Please I can't ever hear you call me that other name." I begged him.

"Shhhh." He comforted "Never" then he gave a humourless laugh.

"My name isn't Jace either Clary, it is Jonathan Christopher I guess we changed our names for the same reason hey." I looked at him in awe.

"Seems so Jace" I gave him a smile to let him know that I was ok.

"Are you ready for lunch or would you like me to bring you some up here?" he sweetly offered.

"Well we might need to give it a second because your lips are still a bit swollen, but downstairs sounds good" I giggled to him trying to sound unaffected by the last few minutes.

"Well lead the way mi lady" he offered me his arm, making kissy faces to show off his newly plumped lips as we walked towards the stairs.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

It was the 6th of Janurary, all Jaces things were packed in my car. Alec and I had packed enough for our trip and packed it in the back as well. I had also packed up my room. The lightwoods removal company would be arriving sometime this week with the lightwoods things. The removals were then going to take all of our things over to the Bar. We would be completely moved out by the time we returned. We were leaving at 5am so we would arrive in time to meet Dr Magnus Bane for Lunch. Jace was curled up asleep with Max and Church on an air bed in the downstairs living room as our beds had been packed down already. Alec was on the far sofa snoring. And I was sitting at the island bench in the kitchen watching them through the door.

1 month ago I was a Student, Owner and manager of a Bar, in charge of an orphanage housing 14 people. Finally I wasn't lonely, enjoying life and learning to open up to the world. In 4 massive weeks, I had finished most of my classes, now co-owner of a soon to be club. Moved on from the institute and soon to be lonely. Life already felt so much emptier even though I was still sitting at the institute, still looking at Jace. Before the emptiness takes hold to strongly I go and climb on top of Jace and fall to sleep on his chest.

After teary goodbyes with the kids, his siblings and parents, leaving promises of phone calls and skype sessions. Jace gives Church a huge hug then jumps in the car. Watching it all unfold makes me dread our own goodbyes.

We have a blast on the road. Listening to our favourite music, even writing our own along the way. We had fun Face Timing the others and just joking around.

Things turned serious as we began to approach the outskirts of Pittsburgh. I Texted Dr Bane and Googled the Café. When we were on course, I began to notice the stress oozing off of Jace. His fists were clenched resting on top of his lap. I reached over and gave a hand a reassuring squeeze before handing him over to Izzy who was still on Face time, Begging for a look at what we could see out of the window.

We said our goodbyes to her as Alec pulled up to the Café. A stunningly attractive, very stylish man was making his way over to the Voyager. We All introduced ourselves. He was very friendly and easy going, it was like meeting an old friend. Conversation eagerly flowed, even with Alec. This was a hard thing for anyone to achieve as Alec is very quiet and shy. I couldn't help but be amazed at how Magnus brought him out of his shell over lunch.

We learnt that he had worked with Robert 2 Years ago. He would be working with Jace at the hospital as his mentor. He had put in a transfer for them both to New York hoping that a position would be available soon. After his time with Jace he was hoping to retire from Hospital life. The hours were gruelling leaving no time for any kind of life, Magnus longed for some fun and companionship, so he decided the lonely life of a hospital resident was no longer for him. He was interested in maybe opening his own practice in New York and even thinking of a possible career change.

If Jace was prepared Magnus would extend his shift hours to help them both be done earlier. I liked Magnus more and more as lunch rolled on. He had taken the week off to spend getting to know us and show us around, we were in for quite a week.

Magnus was full of surprises. His bubbly personality combined with his bluntness was hilarious. I was very taken with him and I could tell that Jace was as well. Alec was completely different around Magnus than anyone I have ever seen him interact with. Magnus turned his Flirt into overdrive at the mention of Alecs name. Alec might not have returned his flirtatious banter but he definitely didn't protest either.

Magnus paraded us around Pittsburgh insisting on hanging off of Alecs Arm, Every now and then Magnus would say something to bring an adorable blush and smirk to his face. It was definitely the beginning of something, I could feel it.

As the week rolled on it was as if we had known Mags for years, I was happy that Jace wouldn't be completely alone. He was to be coming back to New York in 2 months for Izzy and Alecs 23rd Birthday. Magnus had insisted he be added to the guest list. We wouldn't see him in the flesh again until then.

On our last night there Magnus decided that we were having a Dinner at one of Pittsburgh's finest restaurants. He insisted we dress to the occasion, he helped me pick out something appropriate to ware. When we were all ready to go, we hailed a cab and headed to the restaurant. Magnus raved about the food. It was clear he had quite the passion for it from the exquisite food he had continuously placed in front of us all week, he definitely had the flare for it. He talked about how he longed to run a restaurant, something classy and simple. Alec and I kept sneaking glances at each other clearly thinking the same thing.

We had wanted to include a restaurant in our renovation plans for the club. But our search of someone to run it was a flop. We could be available as support staff but wouldn't have the time to run a restaurant at the same time as the club, we let the idea go for now. We still included the commercial kitchen on our renovation list so when the time came we were ready.

I excused myself to head to the bar, after a minute or two I was joined by Alec who clearly had been reading my mind.

"Should we offer him our kitchen now or later? I could eat his food for the rest of my life" Alec swooned. Deciding that there was no time like the present we headed back over to the boys. We told Magnus about our business, what we had already planned and asked him, if he felt he could offer anything.

He literally squealed with excitement. Deciding that he would invest as a partner if we would have him. We made plans to book some time with a designer to come and meet with us when they were back for the twin's birthday. Magnus insisting that he and Jace would be working harder than ever to get to New York Sooner. Jace would have gone to the hospital then and there if Magnus had let him.

It was going to be an interesting year for Jace, Magnus is brilliant company, he seems fiercely loyal and protective, I have never met a person with a view on the world and people quite like Magnus's, he has this power to see everything for what it is without ever needing to question it. While he wasn't musical in an instrumental sense, he definitely made up for it with rhythm on the dance floor. The evening came to an end with Laughs as Jace once again embarrassed Alec with his Christmas Eve Dance video. Causing Magnus to have a fit about his Makeup skills.

I stayed up most of the night, insisting Jace try and sleep. He was starting with a 16 hr Shift. Magnus said we could text and call whenever as long as it didn't interfere with duties. Jace seemed to settle further maybe feeling that he was going to survive this after all. I tried to absorb every detail of him that I could. We hadn't kissed since Robert caught us the week before, Breathing in his scent as he quietly snored beside me I knew I would have to give in before I left for another.

I thought I'd be more of a mess at this point. Jaces influence on my life definitely had me behaving like an emotional girly girl, before I would have been an ice queen in reaction to things over recent months. Tonight I just felt numb.

Alec and I were leaving after one of Magnus's Magnificent breakfasts, Jace insisted that I eat sitting on his lap. Refusing to break contact. Conversation flowed like it was a regular day. When we finished Alec went to wash up with Magnus.

They had to be at the Hospital in just under an hour. It was time to go. I told Jace I wouldn't call today, just text him when we had arrived in NYC. He would call us on breaks and when he was finished anyway. I held him while we whispered promises to each other, to stay in contact, to fight our demons and to wait for each other. Alec Stalled the Car from shock when I pulled Jace in for a spine tingling kiss. I'd talk to him on the way home about it. Although we were more affectionate these days, nothing had changed with our relationship Status. It was still so complicated.

The 8 hour Drive was long, it seemed Alec didn't have a good night sleep either, he was just as tired as me. We stopped 4 times to refresh. Talked to Jace and Magnus twice. Both times Magnus called Alec. We talked about when we got home, the kiss he witnessed that morning, and he confessed he indeed didn't get much sleep either and that he thinks he will officially ask Magnus out at his birthday.

Jace and Magnus were doing massive Shifts. 96 hours a week, broken into 4, 24 hour shifts, with 24 hour breaks in between. We texted easily 50 times a day while he was awake. He would skype on his off day and text less frequently so he could catch up on sleep. It must have been so hard, Jace insisted that Mags was feeding him well, causing Alec and me too often lick our lips while skyping. If all continued to go well and to plan.

They were set to finish and move to NYC by August. We would Skype to play music all together on the Sundays he had off. Although it wasn't the same as him being here, if you closed your eyes you could feel it. He would often play to me at night before we'd go to sleep. Or we would both curl up in our beds and talk until we dosed off.

Every Wednesday Max and I would cook Jaces cookies and post them to him. Max took to staying on Wednesdays nights as it was Alecs night to cook Dinner, Max preferred Alecs cooking. It was a week until Izzy and Alecs birthday, just over 2 months since Jace had left. Our units were finally ready this week to move into, Izzy had been busy decorating her and Simons place, I had been hard at work on the Club. Alec was putting together Accounts, licences for us as well as working at a restaurant up town most afternoon and nights, he was keen to save more money and get some restaurant experience.

Meanwhile I was doing organising, supervising, designing and decorating. I didn't mind, being busy helped keep my mind off things. I only stopped to nap or go to the institute where I still visited every day. I had gutted the whole bar to start fresh. I had teams working with me to change the layout for a restaurant area, kitchen, main Bar, Dance Floor, Stage Area, storage and offices.

We had agreed to only run the kitchen a few days a week and within certain hours. The tables to eat would become the club tables in the later hours of the evening. So the busy areas would be central to one side. We were building 6 offices and a staff area that would overlook the whole place.

I was in charge of all the conversion. There would be a mini meeting for a few minutes a week to give everyone a chance to protest anything if they weren't happy with my ideas. Mostly they just went with it, I think everyone was a little busy with things to be too involved at this point. I had one particularly hilarious argument with Mags about the style of wood I wanted to have the Bar made in. he fought me for 2 hours because he thought glass would look better. In spite of my warnings of how it wouldn't be a good idea to have so much glass amongst drunk people. The argument only ended when I showed him that it would almost be completely covered in stainless steel anyway. I told Magnus that the kitchen was up to him, I wouldn't protest unless he got to outrageous. This was the last time we disagreed.

I was exhausted, I felt like I was living with a constant hangover that was getting worse by the day. I barely slept anymore, maintaining energy from coffee and energy drinks. I couldn't bring myself to try, my nightmares were the worst they had ever been in my whole life. I was so lonely, everyone else had things going on away from the club. I could sense that they didn't enjoy my company lately, Izzy especially. I must admit I wasn't in the best of moods usually. Some days my only contact would be from the institute or Jace and Mags. I used to prefer solitude. Now things seemed so empty.

I couldn't even bring myself to get excited about Jaces return tomorrow, I knew I would have to say goodbye again, I now knew how hard it was to be without him. We talked dozens of times a day yet it wasn't enough. I just had to keep working. If I couldn't do anything on the Club I'd compose my music. I had met my 12 month quota of songs for the label 9 months early at the start of last week. They were very impressed, giving me a very generous bonus that I used to start the kids trust funds for Robert and Mayrse. I hoped Jace couldn't tell how badly I was taking it. I worked hard most of the time to hide it.

Alec was picking up Jace and Magnus from the airport at 7am, they would be fresh off a 24hour shift so they had less than 12 hours with us. They would be busy, we were having a big family lunch at the institute, a meeting with Magnus's Kitchen designer later this morning then they would fly out at about 6pm tonight to get some sleep before their next shift in the morning. I was silently devastated about how short the trip was.

I was making Jaces cookies for him to take home, when I felt his familiar hands wrap around my waist and pull me towards him. I turned and melted into his arms. '

"I missed you so much" he whispered

"Me to" I choked out. He reached around me and turned off the oven, pulling the tray out and placing it on the cooling rack. He then grabbed me by the hand, lead me to my minimal set up new room. Laying us on the bed. "You look like you haven't slept since I left" he sweetly kissed me on the nose.

"It may have been awhile" I replied "You're looking so tired too Jace"I observed out loud as I ran my fingers through his hair. His eyes closing as he leaned into my touch.

"nap with me?" I was about to protest that I wouldn't waste my time with him napping when he continued. "2 hours sleeping with you is worth weeks on my own" in spite of a recent promise I had made to myself, to give myself time and take things slower with Jace. I pulled him in for a quick passionate kiss. I couldn't fight it.

Things had been so hard. Even though I refused to admit it to myself, I had completely fallen in love with Jace. The separation was killing me. I have never needed anything like I needed him, but the stubbornness in me didn't want to. I have been alone my whole life, it felt pathetic that I could barely get through the day, but I didn't know what to do. I knew I needed to find a way to make it through this.

I Began humming my latest tune, strokeing his hair until his breathing evened out, I knew he was sleeping. I lye beside him the whole time deep in thought. I wasn't sure I could let go of him again, not now that I knew how hard it was to be without him. This rolercoaster of emotions was so confusing.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Jace asked what time we were meeting the designer. I looked at the clock. It was in 30 minutes.

"I'm not sure I can come back again until I'm done Clary. I thought I was doing ok until I saw you making those cookies." He held me tightly to him "I don't think I can handle much more of this."

"I know, me too" I whispered "but this morning I have made a decision. I think I'm going to fly back with you tonight. I will fly home at the end of your next 24 hours off we both need a good sleep"

We spent the next 30 minutes sharing kisses, playing with Church and going over schedules working out regular visits over the coming months. Every 2 weeks I would fly over for 3 days to try and ease the strain on us both.

It was time for our meeting with the designer, we met her out front. Her name was Charlotte. I had met with her several times now. We had already designed the kitchen using Magnus's vision, we just needed his ok with it all so I could get everything underway. I had pre warned her about his tendency to be over the top. She was a true professional and handled him expertly, he left for Alec's lunch ecstatic about our designs. I agreed to meet Charlotte for lunch in the next week to finish it all up.

I took Jace and Magnus on a tour of the renovations so far, they were a shocked that I almost had it completed, just some minor adjustments left to go. We discussed more ideas as we made our way to the institute for Izzy and Alecs Birthday Dinner.

I hadn't seen much of everyone for a while, Izzy had been short with me for weeks, but I never had the chance to address anything. She was pretty upset with me when I told her I was going with Jace and Magnus. She had wanted to go out to a club with us all. I got the feeling that it was about more than the club the tension was thick. I had been feeling quite guilty about keeping things from her for a while now, maybe it was time I fessed up to everything that was happening between me and Jace.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

My first 24 hours in Pittsburgh went fast. I got a full night's sleep beside Jace. It was a very slow morning, I felt shocking with a sleep hangover that coffee wasn't curing. I spent the day doing odd jobs around their apartment, a grocery shop and playing Jaces Guitar. I tried to call Izzy a few times to talk, she was either busy or refusing my calls. I even tried the others in hope that they would be with her. Simon promised to text me when he was with her so we could have it out. He explained that Izzy had been pissed with me since New Years. He was over the drama and begged me to fix it.

I was getting quite stressed about it, I was feeling sick to my stomach with stress. I continued ringing Izzy and texting Simon. I was just about to give up and have a shower when my phone lit up with a text from Simon telling me she was on her PC and to Skype her. He had set it to auto answer so she wouldn't have a choice but to face me.

I pulled out Jaces Laptop and set it up before I lost my nerve.

Iz looked livid. She immediately began to curse out Simon for setting her up. I had to yell to be heard over the dispute. When I finally got their attention, Simon excused himself to go and get dinner for the both of them. Izzy plumped down in front of the screen hanging her head. She didn't look angry anymore. She just looked sad.

"I'm sorry you've been upset with me Iz, but you need to talk to me, what's wrong?"

"Why have you been lying to me... Clarissa? Too all of us? I know that's your real name, I also know you're with Jace. I feel like I don't know you anymore."

I was stunned into silence. How could she have known? What must she be thinking of me? I was struggling to find something to say. I remembered Roberts words that day _, Ive been tryng to get your attention for 20 minutes._ Izzy must have heard everything _._

"Iz I don't know what you're thinking, but your wrong." I was trying to find the words to explain myself when she interrupted my thoughts.

"Don't even try to lie to me Clary, I heard Dad, I saw you with Jace that day upstairs in the institute all over each other. How could you lie me, I thought we were friends."

"We are Iz, please just listen to me" I pleaded with her.

"Why? so you can make up more lies?, we have never pushed you to talk to us, I knew there were things you didn't want to talk about, but I didn't think you would ever hide and lie, friendship is a 2 way street Clary "

"Please Iz" I begged, "give me a chance to explain, it's not what you think, I promise" I was close to hysterical by this point, my head pounding from stress. I didn't know how to tell her without revealing and reliving all that I had worked so hard to forget. This was Izzy, she had always been there for me, never given me reason to question her trust or loyalty. I couldn't lose her over this. It was time to lay my cards on the table. I took a deep breath to steady myself for what I was about to surrender.

"IZZY!" I yelled effectively snapping her to attention. "I never outright lied to you, if you would just listen I will tell you everything, I'll show you everything." I begged her "if you don't want anything to do with me after you know the truth I won't push you. You are all the closest thing to a family I have ever had Iz, I can't lose you, please just give me a chance."

"Start talking" she snapped, refusing to look up at me.

"Thank you, I want to show you something first….. My file." Her attention snapped up to me and her mouth hung open. I kept talking before I lost my nerve. "Robert came across it while sorting the office that day you over heard us. I'm going to stay here while you go to my apartment and get it. It's in the bottom draw of my night stand, Alec should be there to let you in." she stood up slowly and disappeared from view. In the minutes it took for her to return panic had set in, I could feel my heart beat in my chest, and my ears were rushing with the sound of my blood. She returned with the File and sat in front of us snapping me back to the situation.

"Has anyone else seen this?" she asked unsure.

"Just Robert, all Jace knows is that I spent time in the system and my name from when Robert found out. I've never told anyone these things Iz, I'm not sure if I can. But I'll try ok, I'll start from the beginning"

And so I began with my story "My mother, she was a prostitute from Chicago. I never knew my dad, I always figured he was a client of hers, she likely had no idea who he was either. She was an addict, even at the age of 3 I remember her accepting clients in exchange for drugs or money. I'm amazed I survived infancy, she was terribly neglectful. I cannot remember eating one proper meal. We lived between abandoned buildings or on the streets. My 1st real memory is of her pimping me out in exchange of a healthy score. She sold me almost every day, her thirst for drugs never quenched. The only reason she ever kept me around is because I was her own little money maker, I doubt she ever cared for me as more than this. When I was 5 she decided she would begin selling. She took me to one of her dealers' houses. My guess is that she wanted to offer my services to secure enough drugs to sell. Without upfront payment, the vile man insisted I stay with him as collateral until she could produce his money. She never came back. I spent months in a room where I was sold to anyone who would pay, beaten into compliance and starved until almost death. My escape came when the house was raided by the police. I was hospitalised for weeks. I never heard from my birth mother again." I continued to rush out my story fearing if I stopped I wouldn't be able to continue.

"I was sent into the foster system. 19 homes over the next 11 years, some were not as bad as the drug house, others were worse. I was always sent onto another when I would end up in hospital from injuries caused by abuse. Sometimes close to death. I never made friends, my trust in people simply didn't exist. I was scared of everyone Iz, people often assumed that I was thieving street trash. It was easier just to stay away. Instead I lost myself in music. It helped me through and brought me a distraction, it's the only thing I've ever been good at.

I came to the institute when I was 16. The home before made the drug house seem like a sanctuary. It ended with me in hospital with both my arms and all ribs broken, a punctured lung, a fractured skull and internal bleeding. I was malnourished, and miscarrying a pregnancy from my Foster Father. The Damage caused making it unlikely I will ever carry a child again.

I had been sexually abused my whole life, My foster father was among the cruellest that I had ever had the misfortune to meet. I lived there for 7 months before the neighbours called the police one night during a gruesome beating.

My arrival at the institute was a major culture shock. Madame Dorethea was a hardened woman. She never gave affection, praise or encouragement. But she never mistreated any child who walked through her door. For this I will forever be thankful. I was Home schooled for some time while my injuries recovered. It took months for my bruises to disappear, almost a year to physically recover." She sat silently crying as I told her my story. My file would show her the things I couldn't bring myself to say out loud.

"I met Simon on my First day of my return to mainstream school, senior year. He was assigned to show me around as we had similar schedules. He annoyed me for weeks to sit with you guys or hang out after school with the band, he was always kind and I enjoyed our general banter and we bonded over our love for music, he never gave up trying to be my friend. I finally gave in one day just to get him off my case. He wanted me to meet you, Alec and your band mates. Your my only friends. " I couldn't help but slightly smile at these memories. When senior year ended I was working and living at the bar doing anything that I legally could, I was accepted on partial scholarship at NQ as a music production student. Working 2 other jobs to help make ends meet and helping out at the Institute. The others were Attending NQ as well. When they needed a housemate to move in it was only logical that it be me, I spent most of my free time there anyway.

I had acquaintances throughout the last few years but Izzy, Simon and Alec were my first and only friends. They were the only ones who I had ever cared about, the first ones to ever care about me. Then I met Jace and Church that morning and everything changed.

I told her about our special friendship, how much Jace helped me get through every day. I confessed how I was struggling to get through now that he was gone. I told her how our feelings had over time developed into something more. About my fears of being in a relationship. How we were not actually together and of our need for privacy to sort out our feelings without pressure. We never meant for anyone to feel betrayed or hurt. We just didn't know how to handle things. I told her why I had never wanted anyone to know the facts of my past. I was scared that people would judge me and think I was disgusting. I was so ashamed.

She tearfully accepted my apology, insisting that she did not, and would never judge me or think I was anything short of amazing. She told me that she wouldn't read my file. Insisting that my trust in her to share my story was enough for her. Although Simon had come home part way through my story and had heard a lot. She told me she would talk with him and that it wouldn't go any further. We ended the call with Izzy insisting that she pick me up from the airport when I get back.

I was proud of how well I held myself together, my voice only cracked a few times throughout my story. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to say. I kept my focus and pushed through knowing Izzy deserved my honesty in spite of my body screaming at me the whole time. It didn't take long for my strong resolve to crumble. When I closed Jaces laptop I crumbled almost instantly. Years of pain and supressed memories began to drown me, shakes of fear vibrated through my body. The tremors took over and began pulling me to the ground. I couldn't breathe, the tightness of my chest terrifying me more.

My vision began to blur Just as sobs began to tare from my lungs. A warmth began to spread over me, I realised I was being tightly held to someone's chest. Jace was home. He had pulled me into his lap. Rocking me like a mother would for her child in need of comfort. He was whispering sweetly into my ear telling me that I was safe, he was here for me, and how no one would ever hurt me again because he would always be here to protect me.

He had heard everything. He come home early from the hospital to surprise me with dinner when he heard Izzy and me on skype. He had sat in the door frame waiting for me to finish. When I got the nerve to look him in the eye my body flooded with a wave of relief. I wasn't met with disgust, anger or pity. Jace looked at me in awe, adoration and understanding. His phone began to ring in his pocket. He pulled it out to answer it, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Jace" he greeted. His face pulled into a frown." I know Iz, I'm already here." She must have been calling to tell him to come to me. "No she's not" I could hear Izzys muffled voice but couldn't understand what she was saying. He squeezed his eyes shut. "All of it. I'm not mad" she must have asked him what he had heard. "I will. I'll call you back soon Iz, she needs me" He hung up the phone then sent off a text. He stood up from the floor then reached down and picked me up into his arms. He kissed me on top of the head and told me that Izzy and Simon said they loved me. I was taken by my sobs once again as we moved through the apartment. I still couldn't see for tears when I heard a bath begin to run.

I was again seated in Jaces arms as he began to peel off my clothes. I was too overcome and painfully exhausted to resist. He lowered me into the water, he washed my face of tears. He began to hum a comforting melody as he washed my hair. Each note soothing me from my torment. I had calmed enough to look at him, he was wearing his scrubs, sleeves pushed up past his elbows to avoid the bath water. A large wet patch from his shoulder to his neck, my tears. He looked exhausted. Realising I was keeping him from work I tried to snap out of it.

"Jace, work?" I blurted clearly unable to make a sentence as I tried and failed to get up. I was feeling so dizzy. He stopped me by wrapping a hand around my neck and stroking my cheek with the other.

"shhhh, lay back down" he soothed relaxing me back into the water "I'll tell Mags in a minute. I'm not going back, tonight, I won't leave you like this" he bent into the bath and kissed my forehead. Suddenly looking very concerned "I'm just going to go and give him a call." He must have sensed me tense at the mention of him leaving, "I'll be right back. I'm not going to leave you. Just a quick call" I gave a light nod as he pulled the plug let himself out of the room.

He was quicker than expected. Jace explained that Magnus was actually in the Kitchen. He said that he wanted to see me before He would head back to the hospital.

I was more of a mess than I realised. Jace had to lift me out of the bathtub, the dizziness threatening to make me vomit. He placed me on the closed toilet seat as he got me his towelling bath robe. Wrapping me in it before scooping me up in his arms once more and heading to the sofa.

Magnus was at my side before I could blink. He had a pained expression on his face as he looked me over.

"Oh my dear biscuit" he soothed. "I knew the second I saw you yesterday that you weren't ok, will you let Jace bring you into the hospital so I can properly check you over? I began to frantically shake my head. My head making it impossible to hold myself to sit any longer. "When was the last time you ate or slept biscuit? I know it's been a rough night for you, but all that aside you look very ill Clary. Let me help you" he pleaded.

I looked to Jace hoping he would get me out of going. His eyes were pleading me to go. "Please baby, I will be there the whole time. Please let Magnus help you." With no fight left in me I simply just nodded, dizziness hitting me once again. All I wanted to do was close my eyes.

Magnus ordered Jace to get a few things quickly. He called ahead to the hospital. I was dozing in and out when Jace appeared at my side again. He had a backpack over his shoulder and wrapped me in a blanket they argued over the car or calling an ambulance before carrying me out to Magnus's car. They were having a heated discussion but I couldn't comprehend their conversation. Everything was a blur by now. I just wanted to sleep. Just when I could feel unconsciousness take me, I would be jolted awake, my cheeks and shoulders aching. I was being shaken, slapped awake. Why couldn't they let me sleep? I had no fight left in me right now, my energy spent hours ago the only place to go now was to the darkness.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

I could hear hushed voices and a soft whimper of a female. I opened my eyes, I was immediately blinded and let out a yelp as I squeezed them tightly shut again. Familiar hands began stroking my hair, soothing lips pressed to my cheek. "We dimed the lights, its ok to open your beautiful eyes now baby." I heard a soothing voice whisper.

Jace sat on the edge of the hospital bed. I got a glimpse of my arms covered in Drips and Tape. I began to panic. I could hear my heart rate from the monitor escalate to a frantic pace. Jace gently grabbed me on both sides of the face pressing our foreheads together so I could only see him.

"shhhhhh its ok babe, you're in the hospital but you're ok, I'm here with you, were all here, I need you to calm down and breathe with me baby, ok? Just breathe" I began to take deep breaths, inhaling the scent of Jace and allowing it to sooth my heart rate down to a more acceptable rate. "That's it beautiful, much better" he kissed me lightly on the lips giving my heartrate another quick spike before pulling away with a light giggle and reaching for my hand. I realised we weren't alone, Izzy and Simon were sitting on one side of the bed and Alec on the other. Before I could acknowledge them. The door suddenly swung open, in stepped a very serious looking Dr Bane. As his eyes landed on me they immediately softened.

"You gave lover boy and me quite the scare the other night biscuit, you're so lucky, How are you feeling?" he asked

I went to say that I was fine but was shocked when my voice came out as a raspy whisper. I was so confused. The last thing I really remember was Jace taking me out of the bath. Did he call me babe?

"What Happened" I managed to croak out. Jace lifted a glass of water to my lips which I greedily accepted.

"You are suffering with severe Stress and exhaustion Clary, you're also severely malnourished and dehydrated. Your body shut down Clary. We almost lost you twice." I heard my heart rate pick up as panic threatened to overtake again. Jace soothed me down as I looked to Magnus to continue.

"You're ok, you have been stable and out of ICU since yesterday afternoon, we just kept you out a little longer to give you rest. You're on fluids and nutritional supplements. You should start to regain strength in the next week or so. For now you need to keep calm, stress is your enemy right now Clary. We're taking good care of you, you're going to be fine."

I was struggling to hold my tears as the information was sinking in. Magnus told the others that he would be back in half an hour, he was finishing for the day. He would take everyone to the apartment to freshen up before returning so we could all have dinner together. He placed a quick kiss on my hand giving it a reassuring squeeze, then disappeared out the door to continue his rounds.

Izzy was the first one to pounce on me. "I'm so happy you're awake Clary, please don't scare us like that again" she gave me a warm hug.

Simon was next giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek and gripping my hand. "Welcome back Clary" I gave him a small smile. "it's great to see you smile short stuff". He gave my hand a final squeeze before stepping aside for Alec who took my hand and sat on the bed.

"Were having a serious talk when you get out of here." He hung his head unable to look at me, he was squeezing my hand so tightly it was almost painful. "I can't believe we almost lost you" he sadly whispered.

"I'm so sorry guys, I didn't realise It was so bad, it won't happen again" I promised.

"Please just do everything Magnus tells you so we can get you healthy and out of here ok. I'm going to ring mum the institute is freaking out for you. I'll be back. I nodded as he bent to kiss my head. Then got up and walked out dialling the institute.

Jace hadn't taken his eyes off of me. He hadn't said a word to me other than to calm me down when I was panicking.

"Jace, are you ok?" I asked beginning to get concerned. He just squeezed my hand and nodded. Not saying a word.

I was already exhausted again, sleep threatening to take me once more. Magnus came back in and got everyone, insisting that Jace go as well, he had been here for 4 days and needed to freshen up. He reluctantly agreed when Magnus practically dragged him and Alec insisted he would stay with me so Jace could go home and return to stay the night.

They all said their good byes promising to return with my favourite food. I was asleep before they even left the room. Exhausted from the last 20 minutes.

I don't know how long I slept for, I awoke to Jace stroking my hair. I looked up at him and smiled softly at him. I tried to sit up but my body was just too weak to cooperate. My head began to spin so I dropped it back down. I tried to lift my hand to my head in hope of steadying the spinning, I was too weak to even do that. Tears of frustration began to fall from my eyes. Jace wiped them away as he asked if I was ok.

"I can't even move" I croaked out. Coughing to try and clear my voice.

"I'll raise the bed" he pressed some buttons and the bed began to rise until I was sitting mostly up right. He held a drink of water up to my lips, I smiled at him and eagerly drained the glass before asking for another. After finishing the second glass Jace placed it back on my night stand.

"Hungry? We brought Lasagne" the smell of Magnus's home cooked lasagne swept over me. I nodded eagerly the smell making my mouth water. I tried to reach for the plate that was on the table beside me. I tried 3 times to lift my arms to grab for it, grunting out in frustration when I once again failed. Magnus chuckled in amusement before suggesting that I needed a hand.

"Don't worry biscuit, you'll be shovelling my magnificent cooking in that cute little mouth of yours in no time. You have had a really rough few days, this is to be expected"

"I honestly didn't feel that bad before this Mags, I swear. I just don't understand what happened"

"Alec said you have barely slept for months Clary, the others haven't seen you eat for almost as long. You have been living on coffee and energy drinks, big no no by the way" he added. "You have worked around the clock on the club biscuit. I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner, I'm just glad you were here when it did. If it wasn't for your hero over here you wouldn't be here right now." He finished.

Jase had a fork full of food poised at my mouth waiting for me to notice and take a bite. He lowered his hand and his head and began shaking it from side to side.

"Jace!" I whispered "What happened?" his hands were painfully fisted in his hair. Tears began to roll down his cheeks, I tried to reach for him but my stupid arm wouldn't work and he stood up quickly and walked straight out the door.

"Help him" I begged. Alec quickly followed him, leaving the others to explain what had happened.

Apparently within minutes of arriving at the hospital my heart stopped, Magnus, Jace and 3 of their colleagues were just able to stabilise me when I once again went into Cardiac Arrest. After 3 minutes with no response and being shocked by the defibrillator several times I was pronounced deceased. Jace lost the plot and threw himself at me preforming C.P.R. amazingly he was able to bring me back. He never left my bedside until this afternoon. Izzy began to sob into a crying Simons chest as Magnus tearfully told the story of how Jace saved my life.

I was crying silent tears as my heart broke for my beautiful Hero. The only thing on my mind was holding him, I needed to comfort him and tell him how sorry I was. It would have broken me had the roles been reversed. "Come here Mags" I requested signaling for a hug and thanking him over and over again. "Please find him for me mags, he needs me" he stood up sniffling and smiled as he left the room. "Over here guys, I need a hug" I said to Izzy and Simon. They rushed to me holding me as if I would break. I held them as tightly as I could manage in my weak state, I told them I loved them and how sorry I was.

We tearfully talked over things for a few minutes, about how badly I had coped with all the recent transitions in my life. I promised to keep down my walls and let them be there for me more. That there would be no more secrets.

We were interrupted when the door slowly opened. Izzy and Simon excused themselves as I asked them to send Alec back later so I could talk with him. Jace stepped into the room looking like a beautiful broken mess. Izzy and Simon tightly embraced him as they went past telling him that they would be back in the morning and to call if we needed anything.

He just stood there for a moment, he was looking at his shoes, both hands in his back pockets, scared to look me in the eyes, as the door gently clicked behind him.

I was falling apart, I could write a song in seconds and have it give the desired effect to my audience. What could I ever say or do to express what I was feeling for and because of him in this moment?

"I'm so sorry I put you through that Jace" I whispered, begging him with my stare to come to me. This reduced him to tears again as he flew to my bedside. Burying his face in my chest he began to sob. The sound breaking my heart all over again as I held his arms so tightly my whole body began to throb.

"I thought I lost you Clary" he choked out between heartbreaking sobs. "I can't lose you" he kept repeating over and over as he buried his head in my neck. "I need you so much, please don't leave me again, I'm so sorry it got so bad, I should never have left, I should have made them take better care of you " he said between lovingly kissing my neck.

"Shhhhh" I soothed "It wasn't your fault Jace, and it's no one else's fault but mine. You hear me? No ones, I'm a big girl Jace" I sternly corrected him. I knew it was true, I had been so consumed these recent months. Between feeling angry about my past circumstance, my confusion on my feelings of how to move forward with my life and missing Jace. I had run myself into the ground.

"The only reason it's you in here and not me is because I had Mags kicking my arse along the way. They should have been there for you, baby" he tried to reason with me.

"They were Jace, I just wouldn't let them. They didn't know I was having a hard time because I didn't show them. I won't let you or them wear this Jace, I won't." I said as strongly as I could. He sat up taking my hand with one of his and wiping his face with his other.

"I can't do this anymore Clary" he sadly whispered. Panic flared through me as I processed his words, terrified he was going to leave me. I was confused on so much but the only thing I knew was that I needed him more than anything, My heart monitor began to race and beep loudly as he hurried to calm me down.

"NO! that's not what I meant, please calm down, I can't go through that again, just breathe for me ok" we were interrupted when a nurse rushed in, panicked at the sound of my monitor that began to slow down as I was breathing in time with Jace. "That's it, you're ok, were ok" he continued to sooth.

"Everything ok Dr Lightwood?"

"Perfect" he replied as the nurse pressed a few buttons before quietly leaving.

He kissed me sweetly on the lips before continuing on where he left off. "Mags and Dad are trying to push through the transfer back to New York. If it doesn't come through before your better. I'm done. I won't torture us both like this. It's not worth it when I've already made up my mind not to practice anyway."

"But you have worked so hard, you're so close." He shook his head.

"I can't do this every day, maybe a private practice one day, but this won't make me happy"

"What will make you happy?" I questioned, Jace gently crawled into bed beside me pulling me into his arms.

"I want to work in the club with you, take you onto the dance floor whenever I hear our favourite songs. Make amazing music with you, I want to fall asleep just like this with you every night and wake up to you beautiful face every day. You make me happy babe, I just want to be with you."

It was all to much, but I couldn't resist, I leant in and kissed him with all the love and passion I had in me. We only broke the kiss when the nurse came flying in at the sound of my monitors blaring again, she shot us a disapproving look before giving us privacy again. Jace let out a heartly laugh when he noticed my face flushing.

"Good to know I have the same effect on you" he declared giving me a quick peck on the nose. His face grew suddenly serious. "I am so in love with you, and it doesn't scare me anymore" he proclaimed pressing our foreheads together as he looked adoringly into my eyes.

"Im trying hard not to be scared babe" I gave him a quick peck on the lips. testing how the term of endearment felt coming from my lips. He beamed at me before we shared another passionate kiss.

"So it only took me saving your life to start calling me babe huh? He joked playfully, finally more like the Jace I know and love.

"Hmm, I might just change my mind if you don't start feeding me some of that lasagne soon. The smell is driving me wild." I joked back. He began to sit up while he chuckled at me, reaching for the plate and picking up the fork.

"Mmmmm you are the best boyfriend ever" I announced without even thinking about it. He sexily raised an eyebrow at me.

"Boyfriend huh? What brought this on my stunningly amazing girlfriend?" he teased. I quickly buried my anxiety of things moving too quickly. I could think about that later.

"Well you see, I have had one of the worst weeks of my life, I've decided life is too short to waste time when it comes to these things." I playfully explained wondering only for a brief moment if I was rushing things, taking an orgasmic mouthful of Magnus's masterpiece that Jace presented in front of me.

"Not with your personal hero beside you baby" he smugly retorted.

"Keep the food coming and you'll be my hero forever" I blurted out, with my mouth still full.

"Keep talking dirty to me baby and I just might let you see me naked one day soon" he flirted successfully making me choke on my mouthful.

"Behave yourself Dr Lightwood, the nurse just might kick you out on me next time she has to come in here" I said as Jace wiped lasagne off my chin.

When I had eaten enough and Jace had helped me drink some juice, he got up to tidy away the scraps then sent Magnus a text to thank him for dinner. I was beyond exhausted from our emotional exchange. He looked just as wrecked as me, he must have barely slept since New York. He lowered the bed so we could lay down comfortably before climbing under the covers and snuggling up with me until we both drifted into a blissful sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

I was annoyingly woken almost hourly as the nurses made their rounds, they checked my vitals, changed my drip bags and gave me pills. Jace slept like a log through it all, I was barely able to keep my eyes open.

Even at ungodly hours of the evening, they all seemed to want to chat. The older nurses were sweet, they would talk about what a fine young Dr Jace was, they expressed how happy for him they were that I was ok. Apparently our story had quickly spread the halls and was the talk of the hospital.

The younger ones were not quite as friendly, they would shamelessly check out Jace as he continued to sleep in my arms, looking at him as if they wanted to eat him. All the while they would give me venomous stares, talking rudely to me and roughly carrying out their work on my body. I decided I would talk to Magnus tomorrow about getting some relieved from looking after me. One nurse who needed to give me a needle, was particularly pissed at me. She ended up jabbing me so hard that I screamed, waking Jace, he was livid. It bruised my whole thigh and bled for over half an hour. A doctor was required to asses it to make sure there was no permanent damage. I was barely conscious when she came in. I never even looked at the skank. Jace wouldn't sleep after that insisting on doing most of my care himself.

I made the most of teasing him about his obvious fan club, getting my kicks from watching him wince and squirm. A few of the older nurses even joined in for a laugh. I learnt about the major stir that erupted when young Dr Lightwood began to intern at the hospital. Laughing at the stories of young nurses forgetting their training in his presence, embarrassing themselves horribly when he continued to reject them and the extremes they would go to get a shift when he was working. The older ones all watched in amusement, the whole time assuming he was gay because the way Dr Bane fussed over him. This caused me to become hysterical with laughter, causing my heart monitor to alarm again and everyone to change the subject in fear of my health.

The next 3 days were spent glued to bed, listening to my IPod, reading, watching movies and resting with Jace. Everyone visited for most of the day, it was great to all hang together, I had talked with everyone at the institute and had an overwhelming flow of gifts and well wishes from everyone. The guys brought in food, board games and Jaces Guitar, it made my day go quicker. I was able to lift my arms effortlessly by now, I was still too weak to stand or play the guitar longer than a few minutes and needed a nap every hour or so. But every day I was sleeping less and beginning to feel stronger. I was sleeping so much better, my vitals only needed to be checked every 2 hours now and there was not a single nurse under 40 to be seen.

Jace hasn't left the room the whole time. As much as I loved it, I was beginning to worry that he had things he should have been doing. I had been in the hospital for 8 days now, I am not allowed to be discharged until I can walk unaided and all my vitals are stable for 3 days or more, considering I am still bed bound and my blood pressure wont behave I could be here for a while. Every time I tell him he can go if he wants to do something, he cheekily replies that he won't be leaving unless I am with him, making me blush every time he tells me exactly what he will be doing when he has me home.

Its day 12 now, the days have all been the same, only now I am able to take short trips to the bathroom, embarrassingly only if someone comes with me, I'm still too weak and have become suddenly dizzy a few times. Thankfully Izzy is here every day and the nurses help me at night. Call me stubborn but I'm not letting Jace take me to the bathroom. My vitals have been stable since last night and everyone is more than happy with my progress.

Everyone seemed particularly happy today, yet they were behaving strangely sharing secret glances and constantly checking the clock. I know Jace noticed as well looking at me every time and sexily raising his eyebrow in question. A short time later there was a knock at the door. Izzy and Alec both leapt to their feet and fought each other giggling like children to get to it first. Neither made it in time as the door swung open revealing Mayrse, Max, Will, Jem and Tessa.

I couldn't stop the tears from rolling when I laid eyes on them. Mayrse lovingly scolded me for scaring them and taking terrible care of myself, embracing me with teary eyes before moving around the room to the rest of the family. Max talked all about Church and the other kids excitedly, he had baked some of our cookies for Jace making Jace affectionately wrestle his brother to the ground, hysterically smothering him in gross sloppy kisses, then refusing to share.

Jem filled me in on all of the gossip that I had missed leaving out one major detail. It didn't escape my attention that Will and Tess were holding hands and looked quite cosy together. Knowing that Jem was also sweet on Tess I thought it better to not mention it. The three of them were excited to be heading on a school excursion in the coming weeks to L.A for school and told me how they were all missing our Sunday music sessions.

We had all settled into a lively catch up when Mayrse decided to share some news.

"It has been hard to stay away knowing you have all been through so much." She reached and squeezed Jaces hand. He brought it to his lips and gave it a loving kiss, placing it on his lap and continuing to rub his finger over her knuckles.

"But I just couldn't keep away any longer, your father has been very busy the last few days and hasn't been home much" hearing her call the institute home made my heart swell with pride for the decision to leave it in her hands.

"He returned home late last night and insisted that I fly up this morning to speak with you Jace." He looked at her with a confused expression.

"It took pulling a few strings but he was able to secure you a placement to continue your internship in New York." He sat wide eyed and frozen. "You can come home son" he flew out of his chair pulling her to stand with him, crushing her in his arms. They stood like that for a few minutes whispering to each other so no one could hear, Mayrse was glowing with pride and joy as she held onto him with just as much urgency as he did to her. Everyone was beaming at them. Jace was coming home.

I didn't even realise that I was weeping for joy until Jace climbed onto the bed beside me and began to wipe my tears away with his thumbs. He looked revived. I have never seen him so happy over anything in the whole time I have known him.

"Please calm down baby, we only stabilised your vitals last night. If that monitor goes off they will reset the time." I didn't realise that I had begun sobbing until I saw the panic flicker in his eyes. "Everything is amazing, Just breath, were going home together as soon as they will let me put you on a plane," he soothed, calming me almost instantly.

"I'm so happy you will be finishing" I blurted. Jace mocked devastation.

"You're not even happy that I'm coming home?" he joked with a devilish smirk on his face.

"Of course, I'm a selfish arse remember" I retorted causing everyone to giggle. He pulled me into one of his amazing kisses that always left me breathless.

"EWW!" Max screamed, causing us to break the kiss to join everyone's laughter.

"I can't wait to be home" he stated kissing the edge of my mouth sweetly.

'Me too" I buried my head in his neck, pulling him closer as I snuggled into his side. As Mayrse cleared her throat to get our attention.

"I'm glad you two finally pulled your heads out of your arses and came to your senses"she shockingly blurted causing Alec to choke on the juice he was drinking, unattractively shooting some out of his nose. Everyone roared in laughter, including Magnus who was fussing over him with tissues trying to help him collect himself. Mayrse rolled her eyes shaking her head.

"Were going to have to go through it all again too I see, you kids will be the death of me" she chuckled still shaking her head. "Well we're going to have to say our goodbyes my dears, our plane leaves in 2 hours, we need to be heading to the airport."

After saying our goodbyes, Magnus offered to drive them to the Airport. He would return after he had announced his resignation and picked us all up some dinner.

It was the best day I have had since Christmas. We were all going to be going back to New York. Together. I could work out the mess in my head later, I was still to tired to think to much. The only thing I could think right now was that Jace was coming home.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

It was just going on two weeks since Mayrse gave us the news of Jaces transfer. My 26th day in hospital. Even with constant company and the never ending drama and entertainment that my friends provide I am completely bored. I've been begging the Doctors to discharge me.

Just over 24 hours after my vitals initially stabilised they took a major fall. I was sleeping snuggled beside Jace when I was suddenly shaken awake. My room was full of Doctors and support staff. My heart rate took a plummet and the oxygen saturation in my blood became dangerously low. I was sent back to the ICU and was released back to the ward 3 days later in the original state that I was admitted in 13 days before, all progress that I had made gone.

I have had stable vitals since my release from the ICU but my body was badly weakened. I'm almost at the point where I can walk on my own, I'm hoping to be released any day. Jace hasn't left. Izzy and Alec have been here less and less the last few days. Magnus finished up his position 4 days ago and they have all been busy packing up the apartment. Simon returned to New York after my ICU release to continue classes. He flew up last night to help the others move everything back to NYC today.

Jace has been much quieter since my relapse. The whole experience is effecting him more than he cares to share. He sleeps better than he used to, but his nightmares have been making a nightly appearance. He spends a few hours after dinner exercising in the corner to burn off stress, every time a nurse enters to take my vitals I can see him tense with anticipation of what they will be.

I have been told that release doesn't mean that I am cured. It could take months until I reach my old strength and stamina. If there was ever awake up call to take better care of myself, this last month has been it. My friends will be here any minute to have breakfast with us, before they head off to NYC. Mags has promised he will return if necessary, to help Jace bring me home if the Doctors would prefer, they will be meeting with us when they get here to discuss my discharge care.

I just returned from my 3rd solo trip to the bathroom and 1st shower alone in weeks to everyone sitting around eating Bacon and Egg burgers, and drinking Apple juice. I pull up a chair with my friends and begin to eat my breakfast. Everyone is so quiet that it's freaking me out, I decide to break the silence.

"I'll see you all in a couple of days guys. I feel so much better, I promise."

"Were all just worried for you biscuit. And for good reason."

"I know Mags, I am too. But your all going to be busy this weekend there's bigger things to worry about for you now"

"If you're not out by the end of the weekend I'm coming back, I know you won't leave Jace but you need to take care of yourself too. I brought you a fresh suitcase and a box of food that should keep until I return." Mags explained with a very worried look in his eyes. Jace reached out to him and squeezed his shoulder.

"Thanks Mags, for everything, you're too good to me" he sincerely stated.

"Nonsense, anything you need, anytime. Both of you." He sweetly told us Just as the door opened revealing my 2 doctors with coffee in their hands and my papers.

The greeted us and pulled up some chairs to join us. Magnus handed them their breakfast before taking my file for a scan over.

"How have you been feeling over the last 24 hours Clary?" the tall man Dr Branwell asked.

"I'm still sleeping every few hours and tire easily, but when I am awake I am feeling stronger. I went for a shower on my own just now and have had a few solo trips to the bathroom throughout the night. I have only felt dizzy if I've gotten up to quickly." I explained. Magnus and Dr Branwell looked pleased.

"So you're getting plenty of rest then. What about food?" I beamed at Magnus the thought of his food making my mouth water.

"Well Dr Bane has provided me 3 mouth-watering meals every day. And I usually snack in between them." Magnus throws me a wink.

"Wonderful, so now to discuss your care after you leave. Its best you have someone close to you at all times for a week or two, it will likely be at least a month until you will be able to resume some normal activities, just listen to your body and you will be fine." I smiled warmly at him.

"Now all your files will be sent over to Mayrse Lightwoods office where Dr Bane will perform a check-up every 3 days for the next 2 weeks then every week until he sees fit. Ok? All that being said we are scheduling your release for tomorrow morning Clary." I beamed at him nodding my head like an idiot. He returned my smile before turning to congratulate Mags on his future endeavours.

Izzy ran to me squeeling like a teenager, showing more excitment than everyone in the room.

"I'll fix everything up tonight for you both, It will be so good to have you home Clary. I can't wait!" she rattled off, bouncing around so much that Simon had to come over and pull her off me. I smiled brightly at them.

"I can't wait either, just make sure that there is water in the fridge, my favourite shampoo, Church and Max and I'll be a happy woman." I said before looking to Jace who was yet to say a word.

He had his head down using his mobile phone sitting in the chair next to Alec. I got off the bed and walked behind him, slipping my hands down his arms until my head was resting on his shoulder and my hands cupped his, breathing in the scent of his cologne.

"Were finally going home" I whispered in his ear. He immediately stiffened beneath me.

"Talk to me." I whispered. He began stoking my arms before turning to quickly peck me on the lips.

"Soon baby, I'm just going to book us a flight for in the morning and have a chat to Izzy ok?" he was standing now and pulled me in for a quick hug. "Rest up for a bit I'll be back in a little while" he lead me back to bed, before motioning for Izzy to join him outside. It was the 1st time he had left me since the day I woke up.

Alec came and joined me on the bed sensing my unease. We talked about what they could take back with them in my Voyager so we would have less to carry at the airport.

Izzy and Jace returned with a bag of clothes for me to wear home. Magnus was able to talk the Dr Brandwell into discharging me right now. They thought it would be better that I didn't have to battle the Airport on my 1st day out. I was more than a little shocked but changed as fast as I could while the others packed up our things and took them to the car. The removal truck wouldn't arrive until about 7pm tonight, it took most of everything so there was plenty of room in the car. Izzy insisted that if there wasn't we could drop her at the airport and she would meet us home.

I was on complete auto pilot, the excitement had exhausted me already and all I had done was dress. When all our paperwork was finished, Jace and I said our goodbyes and thankyous to the staff. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Once news got around that I was leaving skanky nurses made her way into my room tearing up while telling Jace goodbye. After the 3rd one I went up and locked the door. I didn't have the energy to deal with crap right now. Jace beamed at me obviously thankful for my actions. I was made to sit in the wheelchair and given my phone, I pod and a bottle of water. At last we were ready to go.

I almost teared up at the sight of my car parked in the loading bay outside of the front entrance. Magnus and Simon were loading in the last of our things while Alec sat patiently at the wheel. Izzy was fussing over my seat to make it more comfortable so I could sleep along the 6 hour journey. I was helped in with a huge smile on my face. Jace fastened my seatbelt for me before sliding in next to me. I was asleep before the car was even started, too exhausted from the morning to keep my eyes open, drifting in and out of sleep the whole journey home.


	14. Chapter 14

To everyone who has reviewed- thankyou so much, I read them all. It brightens my day - enjoy ox

CHAPTER 14

I awoke at 5pm laying in my bed, Church's head on my outstretched arm and Jace snuggled up behind me. Church stirred awake when I began stroking him on the head. In an instant he was standing over me licking and sniffing my neck, I erupted into a fit of giggles delighted with his greeting. Jace awoke and begun chucking at our reunion. When Church settled back down the tree of us snuggled into a comfortable position.

"Everyone settle ok?" I asked Jace, he nodded and nuzzled into my neck.

"They went to the grocery store, they shouldn't be much longer, Mags wants to cook dinner before the truck arrives" I let out a moan of approval making Jace chuckle into my neck.

"God I love that sound" he sweetly pecked a kiss to my neck before wriggling to get more comfortable.

"Well I guess now were finally home if you're lucky I'll let you hear it more often" I flirted, he pulled his head up to look at me with his sexy smirk. His stare was intense and he looked conflicted.

"As much as I want to hear that sound and many other sexy ones, I'm afraid were going to have to hold out a little longer baby" I pouted like a protesting child " you've come so far babe, but there's still a long way to go" His face turned serious. "I won't take any chances with you" his face looked pained, I know he is thinking about the night I ended up in hospital.

"I know" I said as I leant my head against his chin. He placed his finger under my mine and raised my head until our eyes met.

"Doesn't mean we can't to plenty of this though" he eased me into a breathtaking make out session that soon left me airy and breathless. The things he could do with a single kiss, I couldn't wait to see what it would feel like to eventually be intimate with him. Every touch of our skin together sets me on fire. The anticipation is going to drive me wild.

Minutes later we eventually broke apart when amazing smells coming from the kitchen began to make our stomachs rumble. I couldn't help but giggle at Jaces swollen lips and the state of his hair. I decided to make my way to the bathroom before heading out to investigate the delicious aroma.

When I slowly made it out to the kitchen, I took a seat at the table as soon as I reached it already too exhausted to go over and see what Mags was cooking. I tried to smile reassuringly to Jace hoping he wouldn't think too much of it. He knows me too well and returned a stern frown before walking over to me with a glass of water, giving me a kiss on the head before heading to the bathroom to refresh.

"What's cooking Magnus the Magnificent?" I asked to strike up conversation.

"Hey biscuit, welcome home" he beamed. "I'm cooking a vegetable soup, it's quite cold out this evening, since were going to be in and out I thought it would do us some good" he shrugged.

"Smells amazing, I can't wait" I closed my eyes and took another deep inhale of the mouth-watering smell. Opening them in surprise when Magnus placed a plate of chocolate cookies in front of me.

"Max sent these over for you, he said he will be over tomorrow to see you" he kissed the top of my head before shuffling over to tend to his soup. I picked up a cookie to examine it before taking a bite. Damn Max was getting good at these.

"Is Jace ok Mags?" he stopped stirring his soup for a few seconds.

"Give him a bit of time biscuit, has been through so much with you lately and he is still not over the thought of losing you. His training means he knows better than most the gravity of your situation, if I was him I'd be terrified" this snapped my head to attention. I know how serious this whole thing was but I'm getting better. Right?

"I'm getting better every day Mags" he looked over to me with a warm smile on his face.

"You're doing great, but you have to take strict care of yourself. And we have to keep a close eye on you for a while. You might be out of hospital but you're not out of the woods just yet" he was sitting beside me now holding my hand on top of the table.

"Don't rush it biscuit. It's better in the long term if you don't." I nodded disappointedly at him. "Alec finished up at the restaurant when you fell ill, so in a few weeks we will get back to work on the Club at a slow pace together, ok. For now just rest and let things happen for a bit. None of its going anywhere for now and none of us are going to get a rest when things take off, so try and enjoy it while you can" he returned to the stove to stir and taste his soup. "MMMH MAGNIFICENT!" he groaned, causing me to giggle. I got up slowly and began to inspect my apartment.

I was surprised to find a sofa set up in my living room, it was fitted out with a new television, sound system and beautifully yet simply decorated. The frame that the kids at the institute gave me for Christmas featured on the wall above the television. Old records that I had put away to collect were framed and placed around the room. I loved it.

When I continued to move through the apartment I was even more surprised to find that everything had its place. Simon must have been very busy and bored when here was here the last few weeks. One of the spare rooms was turned into a home office for Jaces study. All the shelves still bare awaiting his belongings to arrive. I was eager to see what the other 2 rooms in the house contained.

I was awe struck to find that Simon had built me a proper studio, the rooms were large so it easily fit our band setup inside. He had sectioned the room so it was setup like a professional studio. It was amazing, I had wanted to do this for ages, I just wasn't sure where I wanted to do it. Now I didn't need to decide, seeing how it all fit I can't believe I didn't think to do it here sooner.

Feeling myself beginning to tire quickly, I made my way to the room next door. Inside was full of all our instruments, stored safely and tastefully around the room.

He had created my first home.

I couldn't wait to find Simon and thank him. First I needed to rest for a bit. I slowly made my way back to my room with the plan of grabbing a blanket and pillow and heading to my new living room.

I sat on my bed to rest and collected a pillow and a throw blanket. I was reaching for my phone to text Simon when the ensuite door swung open. Jace obviously didn't expect to see me as he froze in surprise for a brief second. I was so distracted by his breathtaking body, covered only in boxer shorts, that I dropped my phone on the floor. He laughed at my awestruck position, snapping me back to focus. He wore a knowing smirk, I immediately blushed. He picked up my phone and handed it to me so I didn't have to strain before going to get some clothes out of the draws. It was only then that I noticed my room.

It had been completely changed since I had been home last. Pictures of Jace and I were on the walls, a new lamp sat on top of my bedside table. Another had been added to the other side of the bed. All my things had been unpacked and tastefully placed around the room. A tv that looked out of place was at the end of the bed, It was likely added when I got home so I didn't have to get up if I didnt want to.

How did I not notice when I woke up earlier? Thinking of it now I didn't have a table and chairs before or even a plate in the kitchen. My apartment was completely bear with exception of my bed, laptop, coffee machine, cup and cookie making supplies. I didn't even have a fridge yet.

"Just notice our room huh?" I shook my head. Then realised he said 'our'

"Everything looks so amazing Jace, have you seen your office? The studio?" I asked trying to sound excited so the panic in my voice would go unnoticed.

"We did a lot of planning while you were in hospital, Si did an amazing job didn't he" tears spiked my eyes and they gently began to flow.

"This is my first home, it's perfect" he bent down and gave me a lingering kiss.

"I'm going to text Si and curl up in the living room and wait for him." I began to pick up my things. Jace whisked me into his arms as I yelped in surprise and carried me out to the sofa.

I only got to thank Simon Briefly before dinner was served. He told us over dinner that he had connected intercoms between the apartments and the club. So if I was home alone I could get hold of any of them. He also connected Netflix and the internet. He told us how the studio would be connected next week as he was awaiting delivery of some better cables.

We laughed when he told us the decorating was done mostly at night via skype under Izzy and Magnus's demanding instruction. Magnus stocked the Kitchen by internet shopping when he did the same for his and Alec apartment. Almost as soon as the washing up was done, the removalists arrived and the boys left for Alecs apartment to begin moving Magnus in.

Izzy and I settled into the living room for some much needed girl time. We painted our nails, Izzy waxed my eyebrows that looked like a forest by now. We talked things out from before I left, and things that were in our futures. She was over the moon about me and Jace, even though I was still trying to sort out my feelings, it felt good to be honest and open. Izzy confessed that she saw it coming from the day I met him. She was shocked that Magnus was Alec's type but was overjoyed of his arrival into all of our lives, we placed a bet on how long it would take to develop into something serious. We soon got engrossed into some random show on Netflix, before I knew it I was passed out on the couch.

I didn't even wake when Jace came home. It wasn't until he was lightly placing me in our bed that I woke.

"Go back to sleep baby, its late, I'm coming too" he purred into my ear as he pulled me to his bare chest. I don't know if he said anything else as I drifted back off to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

The next week went by quickly, Izzy resumed her dance classes, Magnus was ragging Alec all over the city seeing the sights and sampling as much of the local cuisine as they could stomach. Magnus cooked for everyone every night insisting on trying out dishes he might like to offer in his restaurant. He personally took me to Mayse every second day with Jace to oversee my outpatient care. Simon was back at Uni spending sometime every night before dinner tweaking the studio. Jace stayed with me the whole week, only leaving for one afternoon when Robert picked him up to take him to the hospital to discuss his transfer.

He will start back in 4 days, to do four 12hr shifts a week for the next few months to complete his remaining hours. It turns out that he had also been assisting at the hospital when I was sleeping so he was left with less hours. He will then finish up helping set up the Club before graduation at the end of the year. He still has no intentions of practicing at this point, but I am proud of him for seeing it through. I know the lightwoods are as well.

I spent most of my time sleeping and watching Netflix, becoming shamelessly addicted to a few trashy sitcoms. I know that I am still beyond exhausted because the nightmares are yet to return when I sleep.

I wake almost every night for Jace, his haunting dreams seem to visit him more than ever. It was very concerning. When I discussed my worries with Magnus when Jace was at his meeting, he told me how he began to have them when Alec and I first left him in Pittsburgh. He had also become very quiet over the last few days.

I felt like he was distancing himself from me. He was only mildly affectionate towards me, only giving quick kisses and snuggling with me on the couch or in our bed. He found an excuse to fuss over me every time I tried to initiate a passionate kiss. It was making me more confused than ever about our relationship, I was beginning to take it personally even though I knew he was just stressed.

He was overly attentive towards me. He is preparing my every meal and drink, making sure I am always comfortable. That I move around enough to build my strength but not enough to become too tired. His constant fussing was exhausting me just to watch. It was very conflicting for me although it was beyond sweet, it was starting to drive me a bit crazy. I was growing more worried every moment we spent together, his stress over my recovery was radiating from him constantly. I miss my affectionate, fun and talkative Jace.

Every time I have tried to bring it up he just brushes it off, he says that he is just worried about me and wants to help me get back on my feet as soon as possible. He then quickly changes the subject insisting I need a drink of water or food rushing from the room to tend to my requirements.

All I can think to do too ease his concern is be a good patient and do everything I have been advised. Hoping that if he sees me doing what I am supposed to do he will be able to relax.

It's the day before Jaces 1st shift at the hospital. I'm more than agitated at this point. Nothing has changed with Jaces stress or behaviour. I'm still in the running for most compliant patient of the year even though I'm growing more frustrated and annoyed by the minute, trying my hardest to give a grateful and easy going impression.

Jace called a meeting for us all to discuss my care when he is on shift. I was afraid something like this would happen. I have tried my hardest to show that I am taking my recovery seriously so he will relax. Hoping that everyone will trust me to do things as I am ready. I have improved a lot since my release from hospital. I can now walk around unassisted for a good few minutes, my energy levels are improving and can I go over 4 hours without needing a nap.

I feel that I would be fine on my own, in fact I have found myself craving some solitude over the last few days. I need to clear my head. I certainly don't feel up to doing much yet, I'm not about to push myself.

Jace is insisting I not be left alone. Trying to organise a 'roster' to supervise my care. I'm about to blow my top.

There is a gap of 2 hours when no one will be available to visit, everyone is becoming snappy and upset at each other because they can't change things around. I can't take all the tension anymore.

"WOULD YOU ALL JUST STOP!" I shout, shocking everyone into silence. "This is ridiculous guys, I appreciate that you're all worried, and I'm thankful for all that you have done, but this has to stop… seriously." I add more gently.

"You need help here Clary, I can't focus at the hospital knowing you're here on your own. I'll worry myself sick" he insists.

"You already are Jace" I render him speechless. He takes a seat putting his head in his hands. I move to stand in front of him and begin to run my fingers through his hair. Bending down to whisper that I'm doing ok before kissing his hair. I turn my attention to everyone else. I know they can see that Jace has been going over the top, they are worried about him too.

"Have I done anything that I didn't feel up to since being home? No. Simon connected our intercoms, I promise to keep my cell in my pocket if I need anything. You don't need to be here constantly. Checking in throughout the day is fine, you all need to get back to your lives" I plead.

"Although Mags feel free to shower me with your magnificent cooking anytime" I add hoping to relieve the tension. He gives me a big grin and simply nods.

"I don't plan on going anywhere for a while yet. I don't feel up to driving so a lift to my appointments with you Mags would be helpful to." Jace still hasn't looked up. I can feel that he is silently reeling and I'm trying to calm him by stroking his back firmly now.

"I know I scared you all to death, I scared me too. I know I can be a stubborn arse sometimes but I promise I feel ok with this. If at any time I don't, you'll know." I assure them. They all look satisfied with my plan. No one has said otherwise. "Can I have a talk with Jace for a bit? Text us and we will meet again for dinner." I ask, it's time to clear the air with him, I can't take it anymore. I need him to be ok, I miss him.

Once everyone has left I pull Jace to his feet, wrapping my arms around him.

"let's lay down, I'm tired and we need to talk about this" I say and lead him to our room.

When we are laying down and comfortable Jace still hasn't looked at me. I'm beginning to feel anxious, we have never disagreed before. It's completely new territory.

"Jace please look at me." I beg. He doesn't look up. "Please don't be angry with me babe" he snaps his eyes up to mine and I can see that they are full of agonising worry.

"I'm not angry with you Clary… I'm scared" he confesses. He moves so our foreheads are touching. "I don't want you relapsing, I can't see you go through that again" his eyes are now squeezed shut. "I see it every night I close my eyes now, I can't make them stop. All I can do is make sure you stay ok."

"Oh Jace" I wrap my body around him. Hoping that I can hold him together so he doesn't continue to fall apart in front of me.

"I'm doing ok right now I promise, you've been amazing. But you can't keep doing this to yourself." I peck him on the lips

"I miss you, I need you to be ok too." I whisper. "I can't change what has happened, but I promise you I'm not going to let it happen again. You need to trust me, I promise I will pace myself and be careful, but we need to start getting back to our lives to. Please come back to me" I plead, tears are now threatening to spill from my eyes.

"I can't do this Clary" he whispers before untangling our limbs and climbing out of bed, picking up his backpack and disappearing out our front door. He is gone.

Every insecurity that I had felt since we returned home came pouring out in my tears. I had been brushing off his behaviour as stress and worry for my health. And I guess with his earlier words he was scared of a relapse. He had rejected me so many times when I had reached out for a kiss or any intimate moment I had been beginning to think that he didn't want me anymore.

We now shared an apartment, a bedroom and a bed. I will admit that I had definitely been feeling the pressure of our situation now it was out in the open but had chosen not to dwell on it. It was going to happen eventually, we had shared a bed for almost 6 months even before our feelings were out there. Even though I had yet to say those 3 words, I was more certain every day that what I was feeling was deep love.

I was beginning to think that maybe he had changed his mind. That he wanted the ease of what we shared as just friends. His final words playing around my head "I can't do this".

Hours had passed, I was sitting on the sofa in silence when the front door eased open. I looked up expecting to see Jace.

Alec and Magnus stepped through the threshold holding a delicious smelling dinner. One look at their faces and I knew they knew something that I didn't.

"He is ok Clary, he told me that he needed some space and that he is at the Institute, asked us to bring him some things" he couldn't look me in the eye. "What happened Clary?" I felt silent tears begin to fall, he didn't want me anymore. He was gone.

"I don't know" I whispered as I buried my head in my hands. "I told him that I would be fine, that I am ok… he…he said that he couldn't do this" I began to whimper as Alec bent down to kiss my forehead. He walked out of the room, probably to gather Jaces things. Magnus pulled me into his arms and held me tightly.

"I want you to eat some dinner Biscuit, when Alec goes to the Institute we will talk" I began to silently pick food off the plate knowing that Magnus would not think twice about shipping me back to hospital if he thought I wasn't doing the right thing. Usually Mags cooking would be orgasmic to say the least. I couldn't taste a thing.

After eating most of my meal, I snuggled into the couch, Alec left a little while ago with a suitcase and Jaces guitar. He told me he would call me soon.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

It had been 4 days since Jace had left. He hasn't called or returned any of my texts. If I physically could drive I would have gone there already. The others have seen him, they have told me that he has turned off his phone. His only message to me was to please take care of myself. No one would tell me anymore about things, but I can see in their eyes that they know more.

Magnus or Alec were over several times a day, they never stay long, I think it is just to make sure I eat and that I am sticking to my word of taking things slow. I am. The quicker I am better the quicker I can go to him. I had spent most of my time in the studio venting my frustrations and feelings or sleeping, I am still so exhausted.

Izzy visits every afternoon when she is done with her classes, we have talked things over again and again. She thinks that he is hurting and trying to give me time and save his feelings in the process. I know she is right.

Jace has been so intense and open about his feeling at times that I forget that he is just like me. Scared to love, terrified to loose and reckless.

Even though we feel the way we do for each other, we are at different stages of acceptance for our feelings about ourselves and each other. Things happened to quickly. Jace was so far ahead of me. I couldn't keep up. I thought I hid everything so well. I forget no one knows me like he does.

I can't help but be thankful that I now know what it's like to feel so strongly for someone and have it be returned. 3 months ago I wasn't sure I could be with Jace, now I find myself wondering how I ever lived before him.

Even though I am silently devastated, I can't be angry with him. If the tables were turned I'd likely do the same thing. I am resolving to do everything I can to catch up to him. I hope he can still wait for me.

The days are rolling on, the only text I have received from him simply said 'we both just need more time clary' I didn't reply I knew it was true.

Mayrse came to visit me for my appointment today, she told me that everything would workout ok, we were meant to eventually be together. He was definitely having a hard time but he was taking care of himself. When I told her my thoughts on everything she completely agreed.

I never really thought about the fact that Jace could be more accepting of us because he had the lightwoods. She felt that because he had support and love over the years that he was more open to the idea of a relationship when the right person came along. He began the process of healing long ago. I was just beginning. I assured her that I wanted desperately to be with him and that I thought I was ready. But everything that I have had the chance to think about since he has left has shown me that I'm not. She has suggested that I see a therapist when I am recovered to help me work through my issues.

I have the all clear to resume driving and my normal routine whenever I feel up to it I just need to pace myself and take it slowly. I plan to do just that, Im never going backwards again.

We both need this if we will ever have a chance at a real relationship. And I want that more than anything.

It's been weeks, I've started back on works for the Club. All structural renovations have been completed during my recovery. So the easy tasks are all that's left. We made better time than expected thanks to my previous workaholic habits. I have behaved as promised and taken it easy, but have loved being useful again.

Physically I feel better than I have in years accept for lack of sleep. I expect this is always going to be a problem. I have even been attending Izzys dance class once a week. It feels weird to attend without my previous dance partner, Jace. In the months after he moved here we would often go along for fun. I missed him so much. But I was sticking to my promise of sorting myself out. I was feeling closer everyday.

I started seeing a therapist twice a week who has already helped me through so much. I was extremely discouraged when she explained that I should not expect a complete recovery, that some things no one should ever have to just get over.

She assures me that she can help me get and stay on track. That I am more than capable of living, and deserve a meaningful life with strong and deep relationships. I just have to be strong and fight for it.

For now I just have to keep moving forward with balance and support. Even though we have all been busy with the club, everyone has been amazingly supportive and helpful.

Alec has already taken care of all the licencing and permits, he will be doing all the Accounting himself and any bookwork we should require. Our official trading name was approved last week. Pandemonium.

Magnus of course will be in charge of running the restaurant. He has already hired an assistant Chef named Jordan and 2 waitresses. The Kitchen will be open 4 nights a week just like the club but only from 5pm – 9pm. The kitchen is ready to go.

I will be running the club and in charge of booking Bands that will perform in the earlier hours of the evenings. Izzy and Simon and Jace when he is ready will float wherever needed.

All that is left to do is decorate, set up the stage and sound systems, hire bar staff and a security team and order stock. We are all meeting tonight to set an official opening date so Alec can get moving on Advertising and finalise the last decisions. This includes Jace. We decided to meet over Magnus's new menu and have our first official meeting over dinner trailing our kitchen staff.

I hadn't spoken to Jace in almost 6 weeks. We have shared a text 2 weeks ago, Jace sent 'I'm waiting for you 3' I simply replied 'I'm on my way ox'.

The days were hard but we were busy. The nights were the hardest. Church returned to the institute with Jace, so I was beyond lonely. Most nights were spent trying to stop my thoughts from becoming dark and ruining any progress I made from therapy.

I would eat most nights at Alec and Magnus's apartment. They were now in a serious relationship and insisted that I eat with them. I sometimes secretly wonder if they are just making sure I eat. I'll never protest, the food is too good.

Izzy is now at my place insisting on helping me get ready for dinner. She has brought me an outfit that she wants to pitch to the group as a uniform. It might look hot, but it's extremely uncomfortable and very skanky.

"I spoke to Jace about half an hour ago." She casually mentioned while styling my hair.

"He cancelled?" I asked trying to keep my voice even, I failed.

"No he will be here. He said he might be 10 minutes late, but he'll be here." I couldn't help the small smile that crept up to my face.

"Do you think it would be ok if I asked him back to hang out afterwards?" I asked her shyly.

"Sure sweetie, just don't forget your bedtime is 10pm and you must keep your door open if you have a boy over" she joked trying to mimic Mayrse's voice. We both burst out laughing. "It wouldn't hurt to ask him Clary, just don't take it too personally if he isn't ready" she added more seriously after we had composed ourselves. I nodded thoughtfully inhaling deep breath. We were ready. It was time to go.

"Alright I'm going to ask him" I released a long exhale to calm my nerves she smiled warmly at me.

"Let's go" she turned and began to walk out the door.

"Let's do this Clary!" I whispered to myself. I followed Izzy in silent prayer that he would say yes.

He was sitting at the Bar with Magnus when we walked in, with someone else that I didn't recognise, I'm guessing it was Jordan. As usual the sight of him took my breath away. He offered a small wave and a soft sad smile to us. Which I shyly returned. Alec immediately called all of our attention to join him at the table.

At the table we were met by 2 young women in the centre of the restaurant. I immediately recognised them both from Izzys dance class. Maia was quite a nice girl from what I could tell from our minor interactions, Aline however was one of the trashiest girls I have ever met. Judging by her skanky outfit I'm guessing she thought she was at a job trial for a strip club. Once we were all seated Maia returned to the bar to prepare our drink order. Aline began take our dinner orders.

"You weren't kidding when you said we would have the full restaurant experience were you Mags" Jace piped in as Aileen approached him flirtatiously to take his order. She giggled like a school girl and grabbed him by the shoulder for full effect. He jumped a little not expecting her advances frowning at her before looking straight at me. I hoped my hatred towards her showed when she took my order. When she pulled a similar flirtatious stunt on Simon, Izzy growled like an animal at her. We were all laughed so loudly at the display and Simons clear discomfort

I was fortunate enough to be seated directly in front of Jace. As the meeting got underway we kept stealing nervous glances at each other it was becoming hard to focus. We set a date to open for a months time. This would be enough time for the final fittings to arrive and hopefully staff the establishment.

The I would be finished decorating at the beginning of next week. We discussed the applicants that we wanted to interview for the security and bar staff positions. Izzy politely threatened Magnus to rethink one of his waitresses causing us all to snort our agreement.

After dinner was served by Maia at Magnus's request we all agreed that the restaurant needed no adjustment or discussion.

Although Izzys uniform idea got the sex appeal seal of approval we agreed that it was not quite the right image we wanted to convey to our customers. I didn't miss the lustful looks sent my way from Jace when I did my best overacted slutty modelling attempt that I could manage. Causing everyone to clap with laughter including Maia and Jordan. Aline scowled at me when she realised I was imitating her earlier performance. Magnus and Izzy would be back on the uniform hunt tomorrow. We began working on our management structure once all the other details were finalised and delegated.

We decided to all be available on shift until things were running smoothly. Alec would man the office and staff, assisting on the floor only when necessary. I would be charge at the Bar. Jace would handle any Security issues and Simon would be in charge of the lighting and our stage tech. We would all work the bar when we weren't doing our other tasks.

I was shocked that Jace would be working so much with us after opening. Apparently he was finally on his last shift at the hospital. I wondered if he had a day off since he left. I almost fell off my chair when he informed us that he would like to move back with us all in the next few weeks to make things a bit easier.

I couldn't concentrate after that and I know that it showed to the others. They decided to wrap things up and we would meet again after Jaces last shift in 3 days to check on progress. Everyone then relaxed into informal chatter with each other as we were joined by Mag's staff.

Everyone seemed to Ignore me and Jace, everyone accept Aline. At first Jace was polite to her advances, hoping she would get the hint and leave him alone. When she began to push and get touchy with him he was finding it hard to be civil with her. It didn't take long for Magnus to notice and drag her to the side asking her to leave and not return.

The relief for Jace was instant. We stared silently at each other for a long time. I didn't know what to say. I was hard up having a coherent thought let along able to speak.

"Join me at the bar clary?" he softly asked. I didn't reply I stood up out of my seat and began to walk in the direction on the bar.


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

I walked behind the bar, popping the lids off 2 of our favourite beers. Realising I should have asked him first in case he was riding.

"I'm sorry I should have asked, if you're driving just leave it, I'm sure I could use another" I smiled without it reaching my eyes.

"Thanks, think I could use a few too" I released a breath that I had been holding longer than natural.

"So…." Jase nodded his head, this was growing more awkward by the second. I still didn't know if I could trust my mouth and brain with a sentence.

"God, this is so fucked up, you think I would be able to get this right with the amount of times I have imagined seeing you again in my head." He was looking at his feet now. He looked like a small child kicking at his shoes.

"I know what you mean, how about a do over?" I offered remembering our first humiliating meeting out the back of the institute by the gas bottles. He looked up to me with a real smile that made my knees threaten to give out.

"Hi Jace, how have you been doing?" I asked eager to know how he truly was.

"Surprisingly I'm doing ok, I'll be even better in a few days when my shifts are up. I'm so tired"

"I bet you are, I'm so proud of you for finishing Jace congratulations." He was smiling broadly at me now. The tension lifted a little bit more.

"Thanks, I'm proud too, how about you, no one tells me much" his face darkened a little at his confession before it went back to normal. "I'm so happy to see you looking so well, how have things been?"

"Truthfully?" he nodded. "Its Hard. The last few months have been the best and the worst of my life." He looked at me with intense concern but stayed quiet so I could continue.

" The worst because of us, being so sick, realising that I was 10 times more fucked up than I thought I was, having to rely on everyone. All of it! But… it's been for the best, I go to therapy now, I'm the healthiest I have ever been my whole life…. I know what I want now….. what I deserve" jace was looking at me with a mix of awe and sadness he still hadn't said anything.

"Thanks Jace, I know why you left… I know what it must have taken for you to do that. It was the push I really needed. As hard as things have been I feel so much better within myself. My only regret is that I wasn't there for you when I know you must have been going through so much. I was a shitty girlfriend, an even shittier friend." He pulled me into a bone crushing hug. We buried our faces in each others necks, I inhaled the calming scent of everything that was Jace.

"I'm still waiting for you Clary" he whispered "As long as it takes, I'm so proud of you" he squeezed me impossibly tighter.

"I'm getting there Jace… god I've missed you" I whispered in return.

"I've missed you so much too" we separated reluctantly before falling into easy conversation.

Apparently Jace had been also seeing a Therapist, we talked about the issues that we had been working through with ourselves. The last few months has brought a lot to the surface for him as well.

Jace told me about the time He had spent with the Kids at the institute. He asked me to the institute over the weekend for Oscars Going away.

Oscar had been adopted recently and the institute was hosting a going away party with his new family when they come to collect him in a few days. Jace was going to miss him. They bonded instantly over Church and spent most early evenings out walking together.

He thanked me for the cookies that I sent over to him every Friday with Alec. We laughed and joked about the hilarious banter of Alec and Magnus, they acted like an elderly married couple most of the time.

As the evening carried on our friends continued to leave us alone. We gradually drifted back to the table with the others. Sitting beside each other and continuing the easy flow of conversation. I wasn't foolish enough to think that things were back to normal, but this was better than I expected for our reunion.

"Wanna play with me?" Jace suddenly asked with an outstretched hand jerking his head towards our mess of instruments, still yet to be set up properly on the sound stage.

Tears pricked at my eyes, all I could do was smile a goofy grin as I took his hand. This was one of the things I had missed the most. When we played and wrote together it was the best feeling in the world. We knew each other so well that we could anticipate the others notes and lyrics before the other sometimes. We had spent days and days since we met exploring each others creativity, I was dying to know if that same musical chemistry was there. I practically ran to the stage, I couldn't wait to get up there with him.

I couldn't keep the smile off my face or my tears from silently falling when we effortlessly fell back in step. The others soon joined us, we spent the rest of the night with barely a word of conversation spoken as we poured our emotions into the air with our instruments. I don't think I have ever felt so good in my life.

It was getting onto midnight when Maia and Jordan announced that they should get going. They actually joined us for a few songs. Jordan played on the Guitar and even sang a song or two. Maia herself had an awesome voice. I was secretly ecstatic for yet more creative elements to experiment with.

We decided to wrap it up for the night. While we were cleaning up I decided to ask Jace if he was up for a movie.

"Jace….umm do you want to come back and watch a movie or something? His face lit up before he looked to his feet.

"ummm I really want to Clary but my last shift that starts in five hours, I should probably attempt some sleep. I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed, but he said he wanted to so I tried not to take it as rejection.

"That's ok…um I'll see you in a couple of days then I guess" I tried to sound as neutral as possible.

"What are you doing tomorrow night?" he asked looking hopeful.

"Mags usually cooks then I usually just stuff around in the studio" I reply lamely.

"Do you mind blowing off your exciting plans so I can take you out" he asks with a beautiful blush taking over as he bites his lip in anticipation for my answer.

"Yes!" I loudly answer before an embarrassing blush waves over me. I then hear one of my most favourite sounds, Jace chuckles at my eagerness.

"Great, well ill text you soon" his trademark smirk creeping from his lips.

We shared a long emotion filled hug as we parted ways for the evening. I went to our apartment and Jace stayed at Alec and Mag's place.

I couldn't sleep, but for the first time it wasn't from fear of my nightmares. I would see Jace tomorrow night. Any fear that I had of our reunion had disappeared, I was giddy with excitement and couldn't pull the biggest smile from my face.

My mobile phone beeped a few minutes after I got in, it was from Jace. I clicked it open hoping that he had maybe changed his mind about the movie. ' Sweet dreams Clary, I can't wait to pick you up at 6pm for our…. date?' I didn't think my smile couldn't get any bigger I was wrong. I hit the reply button 'It's a date' was all I could think to reply.

I climbed into bed wearing one of Jaces favourite T-shirts like I did every night and let a peaceful and dreamless sleep claim me. It was the best sleep I had had in weeks.

I didn't wake until almost 10am the next morning, I was more than a little shocked that I had slept so late and soundly. I never slept like this unless Jace was here with me, I knew he was only next door, maybe him being that close after weeks apart was enough to make me feel more relaxed. I chose to enjoy my clear head and refreshed state and not dwell on it anymore.

Before I could even get out of bed my bedroom door crashed open almost throwing me into a panic attack. A frantic Magnus was leaning against my door frame trying to catch his breath.

"Jesus Biscuit, what are you doing in bed at this hour?" he screeched "you almost gave me a heart attack when we hadn't seen you a few hours after breakfast." I couldn't help but chuckle at his exaggerated stress.

"I was sleeping, very well thanks for asking" I sarcastically answered reaching for my phone to check for any e-mails realising that It was quite late and I had a lot to do.

"Glad to hear it biscuit, now get your cute arse up out of there, you have work to do and then were hitting the stores, I don't think lover boy will appreciate you wearing his shirt on your date"

I noticed a txt from Jace that was sent a few hours ago. Shaking my head at Magnus's attempt at conversation I opened it.

"Wanna bet on that Mags? I smirked up at him, the message read 'you look amazing sleeping in my shirt. C u 2nite.' Realising that he had ditched their couch in favour of a peaceful night sleep right here beside me.

"Hurry" was all he said as he disappeared out of the apartment. I quickly replied Jaces text with 'don't think you'll be getting any of them back, thanx for the sleep'

I hurried out of bed to the shower, today I would be confirming final alcohol orders to stock the bar this morning before contacting the final applicants for the Security and bar staff interviews to be held in 3 days. We could then decide at the meeting who would be filling the roles. The furniture was all arriving today at some point as well so I needed to get out there quickly.

Once all my tasks were completed for the day I left to watch Izzys dance class. I needed to keep busy so the day would go faster. My excitement was becoming too much and the day was beginning to drag. I didn't want to be exhausted from an afternoon of boring shopping so I thought it was best to avoid Magnus right now. Although I was basically back to normal I was still weary too push my energy levels to far.

Fate had other Ideas. Just at the close of Izzys class Magnus himself strolled into our old band space. It seemed that I was off for an afternoon of shopping.

Even though I actually enjoyed myself I still groaned like a 10 year old the whole afternoon. If they saw any hint of my enjoyment they were sure to make me do it again. I wasn't having that.

We eventually arrived back at the club just after 4pm with a complete wardrobe in the boot of my car. It's amazing what Izzy and Magnus can accomplish when they are together and on a mission. I honestly don't even know what was in most of the bags, but I trust Izzy to keep to what I like so I just let them go. I was too distracted by the thoughts of my date with Jace tonight to really care.

All the furniture had arrived and Alec and Simon were adding everything to the inventory so we could set up everything tomorrow. By the looks of it we were in for a big day. I was hurried to the apartment before I could stop to help and sent off to the shower.

When I got out Izzy told me Jace called and he would be 20 minutes late as he got held back for a quick meeting at the hospital. She was thankful for the delay insisting that I was in desperate need of the extra time to get ready. With a roll of my eyes I let them get to work helping me get ready.

They dressed me way over the top as usual, it was more suited for a night of clubbing than a date. I was in a tight, thigh length black dress that had thin straps and my signature high black heeled boots. My hair was styled down and they went for minimal natural makeup.

At 6pm they strolled out the door telling me that they would meet me at a club later. I was guessing we were meeting them later in the night somewhere.

I decided to kill the remaining time in my studio. I was still working on my latest demo for the label.

I had sold another 12 songs in the last 6 weeks, my contract had been changed to writing for artists instead of for the label. I would study the artist's catalogue of music to get a feel of their style and either write what I felt or within the guidelines of their requirements. I liked it this way much better. It was more challenging, I could choose who I wrote for and had less pressure for time.

I don't really have a set style that I write in. I have a very broad appreciation for music styles and tend to fit them to my mood. I've sold songs with styles from Metal, pop, rock, techno, hip hop and Alternative.

This was a rock catalogue that was requested by a producer to present to his artist. It would be worth just over $300,000 once completed. The money meant nothing I'd run out of things to spend it on. I generously donated to the Institute to the point that Mayrse and Robert stopped me, I had a home, the Club was debt free I didn't need anything. So for now I was saving for a future that I had no idea where it was going to take me.

I didn't get any work done in the studio. I was to wrapped up thinking to get started. I was startled out of my thoughts when someone cleared their throat from the doorway. I spun around hoping to only see one person.

There he was leaning against the door frame looking more breathtaking than I remember him ever being.

"You look amazing clary " my skin flushed at the sound of his voice. "I still prefer you in my shirt though" he threw me a sexy wink.

"Sleep well Dr Lightwood?" I flirted before biting my lip in attempt to hide my grin.

"The best, shall we?" he offered me his hand as I picked up my jacket before we walked hand in hand out the door.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

I couldn't contain my excitement to finally be spending time with Jace, this was officially our first date. I didn't even pay attention to where he was leading me. All I knew is that I was finally holding his hand, stroking my knuckles with his thumb and occasionally giving it a squeeze.

All I could see was his beautiful face currently fixed in a contagious goofy grin that I am sure matched my own. I was walking in time with him, I was shamelessly skipping along with his long strides to keep up. He could have walked me into a pole I was that oblivious to anything that wasn't him. I'm sure he noticed because of the knowing looks he kept giving me.

We chatted about his final shift at the hospital today, a welcome relief that seemed to have taken a lifetime for him. He now just has to wait till the end of the year to graduate. The meeting that made him late this afternoon was actually to offer him a permanent position when he graduated, they seemed beyond impressed according to Robert and his colleagues. I was beaming with pride when he told me.

Of course he had respectfully declined the position but was pleased that they were impressed enough to offer a position in the future if he changed his mind.

We talked about my label contract, he even had a few genius ideas for me to include on my latest project. I almost itched to be in my studio with him.

I don't even know how long we had been walking for when Jace stopped out the front of a beautiful looking rustic Diner that I had never seen before.

"Where are we? I don't recognise this place." I asked, suddenly wishing that I paid a little bit of attention on our walk. I thought I knew every inch of the city.

"Ummmmm here!" he announced, hoisting his arms in the air as if to comically make the 'ta da' gesture, still managing to look a bit surprised at their destination.

"You have no idea do you?" I chuckled shaking my head. While his smile brightened.

"Well no, I don't. I got a bit distracted earlier" he looked to his wrist watch and winced. I began to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Shit! I must have lost track of time to, were half an hour late for our reservations at Pablo's" my eyes widened in surprise, it was one of the most talked about restaurants in the city, and very hard to score a reservation.

"Seriously? You should have said something, I'm so sorry Jace" I said feeling a bit bad. It must have taken a bit to sway the reservation. Jace just waved his hand not looking too bothered.

"Eh, sorry not sorry, I don't care where we go really I just want to hang with you." His face flushed an adorable red before he looked to his shoes hoping I didn't notice. I looked up to the sign on the door of the diner.

"I don't know about you but old Jacksons here looks like an ok place to hang. I'm sure someone in there might even know where we are if we're lucky" I laughed out the last part.

"Food smells great to, come on... Mags will have my balls if he finds out I didn't feed you" he chucked as he grabbed my hand to drag me through the door.

We were greeted by a lovely older waitress whose name tag read Imogen. She thankfully seated us in a clean private booth away from everyone else. I knew that the heavier conversation would start eventually and wanted as much privacy as we could get.

She offered us a menu and took our drink orders.

We were relaxed back into easy conversation by the time she returned with our drinks and took our dinner order. We were shocked to hear that we had actually made it a good hour and a half from the club to be here. We both cracked up laughing to learn we had gone in the complete opposite direction of Pablo's Restaurant. A cab ride was in order for the trip home I think.

We talked some more about the Club, he was astonished and proud that I had managed to completely pay it off and still have an impressive bank account at my disposal. I was considering buying the building next door in the coming months to set up a Professional recording Studio for clients in the future.

He knew I really wanted to produce music, not just write it. The writing was really just a stepping stone and a pay check to keep things going. If I could nail my current project I would be well on my way to it.

I was stressed when Jace told me that Church was unwell the last few days. He had an appointment in the morning to take him to a Veterinarian for a check-up. I could tell he was worried, Church was almost 14 now. Jace was keen to get another dog when he moved out of the institute to spend time with them both to give the new pup a chance to grow and learn from his best friend.

I was more than excited about the idea. We decided that we would go to the shelter tomorrow after the Vets to let church choose his new buddy.

the mention of Jaces move back to the apartments made me a bit nervous. Jace must have sensed it too as an awkward silence fell over us for a few moments, neither of us sure of how to brace the subject of our future at the moment. We were suddenly rescued when Imogen placed our orders in front of us and topped up our drinks.

"There you go lovely's, I'm going to have a break for a bit now it's just the two of you, but if you should need anything my husband is just through the serving window. Just sing out and he will be right with you." She smiled at us before retreating out the back for her break.

We were suddenly completely alone, I began to feel daunted for the looming conversation that needed to happen. But was thankful for the distraction of the steaming spaghetti that smelt like it could make Magnus jealous. Deciding to get it all out there, I decided to be the one that broke the silence.

"So when are you thinking of moving back?" I figured this was a safe place to start.

"All my stuff should be there with Church by the end of the night actually" I raised my eyebrows in surprise not sure what to say.

"I thought it best to take the 4th apartment for now" he became suddenly interested in stirring his drink with his straw. Obviously avoiding eye contact. "I just thought it would be best you know, no pressure that way" he finally looked at me to gage my reaction to his news.

"Thank you, that's a great Idea Jace" I smiled at him hoping to reassure him that I was sincere. I was a little disappointed but I did know that it was for the best, we needed more time.

"I just don't want to stuff it up for us Clary, none of my feelings have changed I assure you, I just think we rushed things a bit, you weren't ready…. We weren't ready." He looked so tired all of the sudden.

"I know." Was all I could say.

"If I didn't leave when I did... I know I handled it so badly, I know I hurt you, but I didn't know what else I could do. I want there to be an us so badly, but I also want us to be happy and at a point where we can both give the best to each other. It wasn't going to happen like that." He reached for my hand over the table, both or our meals temporarily forgotten.

"Your right, it took me a while to see that, it did hurt, but I was more scared than anything, this whole year has been crazy, its taught me so much, I want there to be an us too, I've been so scared of love my whole life. But that fear was nothing compared to how scared I was thinking that you wouldn't be in my life. I've never been more scared of anything" I had to take a second to wipe a few tears that escaped while I was talking. Jace was looking at me with a sad smile.

"But you've given me something to fight for, and I'm fighting hard, I promise you, I can't wait to hang out with you more and see where, I've missed you so much" my voice threatened to crack at my final words. But I was so relieved to have gotten it out there.

"Me too Clary, I told you I'd wait for you and I'm not going anywhere we'll get through this together. Ok? Just promise me that we will always talk about this, I need to know where you are, were not making the same mistakes twice, I won't allow it" he looked at me intensely awaiting my promise.

"I promise" his smile was infectious. We were right where we were supposed to be for now.

"I kind of like the idea of 'dating' you" he announced using his fingers to accentuate the word 'dating'. I couldn't help but giggle.

"Oh really? What are we going do for our second date?" I challenged.

"Well you're getting a bit ahead of yourself there shorty, this has been a bit heavy for a first date by most people's standards don't you think? Maybe there won't be another one" he teased. I picked up my napkin and tossed it in his face feigning hurt.

"Well then I better lock in number 2 now before you change your mind, how does Saturday night sound?"

"Perfect, you've got yourself a second date my lady" he winked playfully at me.

We settled back into our meal talking about things Jace needed for his apartment. Church's appointment was at 9am tomorrow so we decided to shop afterwards for furniture and puppy supplies for his new addition.

We finished up and fixed up our Tab, promising to return soon for another amazing meal.

It was just after 10pm when Jace decided to call Izzy to see what club they had decided to go to. We would meet them there.

Once plans were set, we hailed a cab, I was beginning to grow a bit tired and didn't think I would last long at the club if we walked, I was basically better but I knew my limits. I would have been more than happy to skip the club altogether really, but Izzy was keen to celebrate Jaces final shift and have us altogether as a group again, I didn't have to stay too long.

We were walking into a city club called Contour about 20 minutes later. We headed straight to the bar to order our first drinks when Magnus intercepted us half way.

"Gosh you two are so adorable, were over here" he gestured to a dimly lit area of the bar " Tab and Table service bitches! Screw waiting at the bar" he had obviously had a few already. Jace wrapped both hands around me from behind as we made our way to our friends.

We were greeted our by very drunk and over excited group. Izzy was lining up drinks for me and Jace to 'catch up' to the rest of them. 3 shots and half a cocktail later I was whisked out to the dance floor by Izzy and Magnus.

We danced and laughed for a few songs shamelessly showing off our dance class moves. It had been so long since I had been to a club, it was fun to dance freely without the routines we rehearsed in class. I was happily relaxed and tipsy by this stage, at one point we were basically using each other as stripper poles. It was hilarious to look back at the table and see the boys with their tongues basically hanging out from our teasing antics.

After a bit we decided to head back to the table where another round of drinks were waiting for us. I was immediately pulled down to sit in Jaces lap, we were joined at some point by Jordan and Maia so seating was a little tight.

After our round had been drank and we had taken another shot we hit the dancefloor once again with Jace, Simon and Maia following us out this time. I was having so much fun out there, definitely on the drunker side of tipsy. We had broken into pairs this time Maia proving she could hold her own against Magnus's expert moves.

Just like when Jace and I played together the night before, we synced up immediately and effortlessly once more. I knew he was thinking the same thing from the look of content happiness spread upon his face. We were out there a lot longer this time, no one wanting the fun to end. I didn't want the feeling of Jaces hands to leave my hips. Our moves were intimate and playful. Both his touch and stare encouraging my unusually bold dancing.

We were brought back to reality when Izzy began to yank me back towards the table where the others now sat taking another shot. I decided that tonight had been perfect. There is no better time to end it than now, if I had any hope of lasting my day with Jace and helping set up the club I had to call it a night.

"You're up Biscuit!" Magnus announced, pushing my next shot in front of where I was perched on Jaces lap.

"This is a last for me guys, I'm spent, I think I'll hail a cab in a few" I threw down the shot. Wincing and shaking my head at the delicious burn of my throat.

"I'm coming, can I have your keys Mags ill need my stuff" Jace held out his hand for the keys.

"You guys are no fun" Izzy drunkenly whined.

"Hey we've been here for like 3 hours, it's been a great night, keen for Friday again?" I asked hoping to repeat our amazing night with each other very soon.

"Grrrrr alright how bout we all head, do you guys want to crash at ours?" Izzy politely offered Jordan and Maia.

They politely declined, telling us that they would see us all at the meeting on Friday and thanked us for a good night. We all piled into 2 cabs and headed home to our apartments.

Once Jace was settled downstairs I headed to my place with Church in tow. It had been weeks since I last saw him, he definitely was looking tired. It was 2am when I finished showering and preparing for bed. I was still on the drunker side of tipsy when I eventually found sleep after setting my alarm about an hour later.

I never really drank often. The occasions when I did usually ended very messily. I had a tendency to over consume, bordering on alcoholism more than once in my time. I was very proud of myself in the last 12 months that I had accepted and mostly followed my limits. It was easy to do because when I drank too much the nightmares would come more realistic and terrifying than ever.

I awoke with a start sometime later to Jace and Magnus frantically trying to wake me. I was momentarily shocked to see them both in my room before I remembered my nightmare.

"I'm so sorry guys" I croaked out, my throat hoarse, obviously I had been screaming.

"That must have been some nightmare biscuit. It woke all of us up, and from a drunken sleep at that" he rushed out still shaken from my display, a look of concern and horror on his face.

"Sorry…I'm fine now you can all go back to sleep I'm just going to clean up" I tried to assure him, hoping he wouldn't see how shaken I was. I got up from the bed, slipped into my bathroom and started the shower hoping they would take my hint. It was all I could think to do to attempt to wash the nightmares away.

I haven't had one this bad in a long time, and when I woke from them it only took the awareness of my surroundings to ground me once again. I knew it wasn't going to be so easy this time. Sleep was definitely over for tonight.

Once I had calmed down somewhat I returned to my room. I was greeted with a snoring Jace and Church curled up together on my bed. The scene took me back to all those months ago when we would sneak into each others rooms to keep the nightmares away. Things were so much simpler then.

I drank the glass of water that Jace had obviously brought in for me and curled up on the end of the bed so I could take in the scene before me without disturbing them both. The next thing I knew my alarm was blaring that it was 7:30am. I was still curled up on the now otherwise empty bed. Before I even got a chance to turn it off, my door opened revealing a refreshed and changed Jace.

"When you're ready we'll head out for breakfast ok" I just simply nodded still in a sleepy daze while I hopped out of bed and headed for some fresh clothes. I turned back before he had a chance to leave.

"Wait!" I almost yelled. "Thanks for staying Jace" I shyly smiled over to him.

"It's where I belong" he simply replied returning my shy smile before slipping from the room so I could change.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

We left Church at the Vets not long after breakfast, they wanted to spend some time today running some tests on him. We set out to purchase Jaces furniture and other household items. Jace had decided just to order all his kitchen stuff online like the rest of us. We all basically ate together most of the time anyway so it wouldn't be missed right away.

We were both nervous to leave him at the Vets, Jace especially. He called the Vets at least 3 times throughout the morning to make sure he was ok.

It was a morning of heavy conversation, Jace was concerned about the night before.

"When you woke us up I was terrified Clary, Magnus met me at your door with the key, we couldn't get to you quick enough." He worried. "Have they really been that bad since I left?" he quietly asked, guilt written over his face.

"Not always Jace, they are the worst they have ever been but it's not your fault, they seem to come in the days after a therapy session. Last night was the worst though, I haven't woken up like that in a long time, I think my drinking didn't help" He sadly nodded in understanding stopping his task of looking through bed sheet sets.

"What was it about?" his question completely flawed me. Of all the nightmares we have comforted each other through we have never spoken about what happens during them. I was always too ashamed to reveal my story. Sensing my uncertainty Jace continued to speak.

"The night you got sick in Pittsburgh…. when you were on Skype with Izzy …. I just wanted you to know I heard most of what you told her. I never said anything before because the whole night was just too much for me. I'm not sure if you knew, I just wanted you to know and that none of it will ever change the way I feel about you Clary." He sincerely revealed. It was the last thing I expected him to say. I always knew he heard at least some of it, I was just too ashamed to bring it up.

"I know, how much did you hear? I whispered.

"I'm pretty sure it was all of it... about you and you're…. Your… mother" he spat the word mother with as much hatred as I felt for her.

"Your time in the system and the hospitals" he was squeezing his eyes shut, the thoughts obviously upsetting him, I couldn't stand to see him upset any more.

"You heard it all Jace, I...I don't know what to say. I…. I It's getting easier with therapy but I need to tell you that my Doctor says I may never fully recover Jace. I ….. I'm doing my best, honestly I am, I understand if it changes things for us… I" I had to stop myself, I was rambling like an idiot by now although I was scared to admit this to Jace he deserved to know. I didn't deserve him or his patience. I am so in love with him, but I also want him to have the life he deserves with or without me. I can only hope he chooses it to be with me now.

"You always were Clary, we both were. I'm glad we both admitted that we couldn't do it on our own though because you're right, it's getting easier. I'm so proud of you" I was fighting tears, he pulled me into a tight hug, resting his chin on of my head.

"It changes nothing baby, I promise I know were not ready to be together yet but I need you to know Clary…. I'm yours, everything is going to work out for us, I can feel it." He kissed the top of my head as I squeezed him a little tighter to me.

"Now sheets, what you think about animal print?" he released me and picked up a disgusting set of leopard print sheets smiling cheekily at me trying to lighten the mood.

I snorted unattractively at his taste. "Whatever floats your boat gigalo Jace" I giggled as I gave him a quick peck on the lips before disappearing to the bath towel section.

"So Zebra print then?" I heard him shout through laughter as I walked away with a smile to get a bathroom set.

Most of the morning went along with the same ease and humour. I was quite surprised at his shopping habits as well. He would never admit it but he was a little like Izzy when it came to shopping, but way more fun. We managed to get enough to fill his entire apartment. He chose to fill his spare rooms as guest bedrooms buying extra beds and linen.

It became obvious after a while that he was choosing items knowing that Will and Gem would likely move in at the end of next year when they both turn 18 if they choose not to go to university out of State. My mood soared at the thought of him moving back with me one day. I was quickly brought back to reality when Jace asked my birthday.

"Come on Clary, when is it, I've known you a year now and we haven't celebrated once" he pestered.

"Shit Jace, we have to hurry I'm hanging to get to the puppies" I tried to avoid answering hoping that he would be distracted by the thought of our puppy.

"distracting me won't work Clary, …..is it the start of the year or the end?" I could feel myself getting a little upset.

"The middle? What if you tell me your star sign?" I was pleading him with my eyes to drop it.

"I'll just have to ask Izzy then, she'll tell me" he continued.

"NO!" I almost shouted" Please just drop it Jace, another time" I couldn't keep the desperation out of my voice. If Izzy got on my case as well I don't know what I would do. Jace reached out for me again holding me in his arms.

"Hey, I'm sorry" he soothed, "What's the deal? You can tell me, Izzy might go overboard at times but she can throw one hell of a party"

"You can't ask her because she doesn't know it… I don't even know" I whispered. "My mother never checked into a hospital when I was born, no records were ever found for my birth, they were able to tell how old they thought I was medically, after the drug house….. that's all I know."

"Wow so you have never celebrated your birthday?" I shook my head, Instead of feeling vulnerable at this point. I was actually feeling proud of myself for finally feeling ok with just letting it out.

"It's ok, I was never really into the idea anyway, speaking of birthdays, what do you want for yours?" I asked cheerfully trying to lighten the mood. "I have a few Ideas already, I even wrote you a song" Jace beamed at the mention of writing him a song.

"Sounds like it's going to be my best one yet" he kissed the side of my forehead before leading me to the sales counter to pay and arrange delivery of his Items.

I was bouncing up and down by the time we pulled into the Shelter. I had never been before and the idea of a puppy around was too exciting for me. I purchased half of the pet store this morning in my excitement. The pup would be living with me until Jace and Church moved back. My apartment had better pet access and was closer to the roof garden that they would stay in during the day.

We wanted something that would medium sized, with a relaxed temperament in adulthood. Church was a Black Labrador and just beautiful. I was secretly wishing that there would be some just like him.

We were overrun with cuteness when we hit the exercising pen. There was puppies of all ages and sizes. I was glad that Church was choosing because I don't think I could have if I tried. There were 3 litters of Labradors all ready to go. I had 3 secret favourites. And one that seemed to follow me. It was a sweet little Black girl that wouldn't leave me alone. She followed me from a distance for a while. Jace pointed out my shy puppy stalker with amusement. When I noticed her and tried to give her some attention she was a little scared of me. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. I made it my immediate mission to give her a pat. She was the only one we hadn't played with yet.

The second I gained her trust enough to touch her she was all over me. I was a fit of giggles when she wouldn't stop trying to lick my chin and chew on my shirt. My fun was short lived when my phone began to ring, it was Alec.

"Hey Alec, what s up?" I greeted.

"Hey, I know you're not due for an hour yet but were having a bit of an issue with the inventory program, Si is in Class till tonight and said you could sort it out. Were at a halt till its done. Any chance you can come in early?"

"Sure, you had lunch yet?" I giggled as the pup began to sniff and snuggle into my neck.

"About to head to it now since we can't get any more done, you want some too"

"uh huh, We will be there soon, were just at the shelter"

"Aww wish I could have come, did you choose one yet?"

"Nar Church will decide this arvo, I'm glad it's not me I'd take them all, they are too cute" I surprised myself with cutesy baby talk as I squeezed the puppy that was now attempting a nap in my arms.

"Good thing then. I'll see you soon" Alec laughed as we said our goodbyes.

I looked up to Jace and he took my breath away, he was looking at me with such intensity that I couldn't help but blush. It soon moved to pure adoration.

"Come on, let's get this puppy to bed you've got to get to work." Jace took the pup from me, kissed me sweetly on the head and walked out the gate, leaving me to play with the rest of them for a few minutes. I wished I could be here this afternoon to see Church's reaction to the lovable swarm of pups.

Before I knew it we were sitting down to a lunch of Chinese food. Jace was telling Alec, Magnus and Izzy about our morning while I was doing damage control in our inventory program while munching on Fried rice and pork Balls. By the end of lunch I had everything back up and running, Simon could sync all the systems together later tonight.

It was a big afternoon of work from then on Jace returned to his errands and setting up his apartment. By 8pm everything was fully stocked, all the furniture was put in place and everything had been entered into the system. It was an amazing site the place looked like a complete club ready for business. All that was left now was to hire staff, finish our advertising and complete our offices.

Magnus would stock the kitchen the day before opening and we had yet to hire a professional cleaning crew to do a final clean. But this was it, all our hard work had finally come together. We are almost ready.

I was eager to get back to my apartment by the time we finished. It had been a massive day and I was beyond exhausted. I hadn't seen Jace since lunch so I was also keen to see how Church's day at the Vets had gone.

I quickly sent Jace a text telling him I would join everyone at his place soon to help set up and headed for a welcomed shower.

Half an hour later I was knocking at his door. Everyone else was already there, moving furniture and setting up equipment. Magnus was online ordering kitchen 'essentials' that Alex was complaining about because it was quickly moving into the 1000's. Simon had been on the electronics mission setting up a sound system and television. Izzy was fluttering about with bed spreads and towels winging about the colours that we had chosen. All the furniture had been delivered and assembled this afternoon, everything just needed to be put in place. It was coming together quickly.

I still hadn't spotted Jace or Church Magnus must have noticed my curiosity when he announced they were at the roof garden.

I made my way upstairs past my apartment to the roof. It had been months since I was up here, almost since we all moved in. My breath caught as I walked out the door. The sight before me was the most enchanting almost forest like arrangement. It was the most beautiful garden I had ever seen, lush green trees, a small pond with a beautiful balancing rock water feature. Alec and Jace had even managed to grow Grass up here. It was amazing.

I stood in awe for what could have been minutes. I was startled back to reality when a familiar set of arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I immediately relaxed into them taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, hoping to saver the moment.

"Don't get up here much huh?" he whispered into my ear.

"Not since we moved in really…..its amazing Jace, I've never seen anything so beautiful" I swooned.

"I have" he whispered before sweetly kissing my cheek. I couldn't help but smile and go weak at the knees from the sound of his voice and the meaning behind his words. I gave his arms a quick squeeze.

"How's Church? Is he here?" I immediately began to worry when I felt Jaces arms tense around me. I turned in his arms so I could look at him. "What's wrong Jace?" I whispered, reaching out to smooth the worry lines in his brow.

"They are keeping him overnight at least, it looks like he might have cancer" his head sunk into my neck, he took deep breaths to try and hold himself together. I tightened my hold on him.

"Oh baby, I'm so so sorry" I nuzzled into his neck and lightly rubbed my lips below his ear. I was already silently crying. I too was devastated.

"When can we pick him up?" it was all I could think to ask, I suddenly wanted nothing more than to curl up with them both in my bed.

"I'm going back in the morning to see him. If he's aloud home Mayrse and Max are going to get him after school while were holding the interviews, will you come in the morning?" I kissed him once more on the neck before pulling away to wipe his tears.

"Of course Jace" I pulled him in for another tight hug. I could feel him struggling to hold it together.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" he sadly whispered.

"It's where I belong" I simply answered before leading him back down to his now empty but completely set up apartment.


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

It was another long day. Jace had his fears confirmed the next morning when we arrived to visit Church. He did in fact have cancer. The Vet gave him 6 months to a year to live. There was nothing that they could do. He would be released later this afternoon after he was finished the course of intravenous drugs that they started him on last night. Jace was devastated when they advised that when Church became too ill it was best to bring him back and put him to sleep. Mayrse was picking him up later today for us. Jace spent the rest of the morning trying to pick his mood back up for our long afternoon of interviews.

We interviewed over 20 people throughout the afternoon and early evening. Maia and Jordan were here helping out, taking the majority of the kitchen staff interviews. Jace lead the way with security, both of us up front when it came to the Bar staff. It was an exhausting experience. I couldn't wait to get through our evening meeting so we could get back to Church who was waiting at Jace's apartment with the lightwoods. They were preparing dinner for us tonight. I was looking forward to seeing everyone together again.

We eventually settled on our final candidates. We are having a pre-opening party the week before our official opening to trial everyone out. We managed to get every last detail settled a little after 7. It was finally over. All that was left to do was Audition bands for our opening weekend and drop our ad to our advertising firm. We made it. The others went ahead leaving me and Jace to lock up, we were in a celebratory mood, our spirits were high.

We were overjoyed when we opened the door to a seemingly fit and energetic Church. He was jumping all over us all and barking excitedly when we walked in, iwas so happy to see him I momentarily forgot about our guests.

I almost fell over in fright when a sudden chorus yelling "SURPRISE" made me jump out of my skin. Jace grabbed me by the waist to hold me up, I think I must have been in a bit of shock from the surprise as I couldn't really comprehend what was happening.

"We decided that from now on, every year on this day is going to be your birthday" he whispered while holding me tightly so I didn't crumble.

I didn't know what to say, I looked out to all of my friends. There was the lightwoods, all the kids from the institute, a few of my class mates were even in the mix. I was in awe of the love that radiated off my close friends, my family.

When my shock became obvious to the others, Mayrse was the first to come to me. Embracing me tightly.

"We love you so much sweety" I could barely choke out a 'love you too' she was holding me so tightly.

Everyone else soon followed, it didn't take long for me to get into the festive mood. It's funny, I never thought too much about my birthday. I never had friends growing up so I never craved a birthday party. Every year that passed I simply just added a year to my age. This year I am 23. It was all I had ever known, usualy having bigger things to worry about, it's something that I was used to not caring about.

I couldn't deny that it felt incredible to be celebrated. I was fighting being overcome with emotion at the reinforcement that these people truly loved me. They loved me enough to want to celebrate my life. A life that until recent years felt worthless. I didn't care about it let alone anyone else. I loved the sense of worth that tonight gave me. Right now I was thriving on it. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I began to laugh, dance and sing with my family.

When I finally caught back up with Jace he was glowing with happiness.

"Is my girl enjoying her new birthday?" he teased obviously very proud of himself.

"Immensely, I can't believe I never wanted a birthday before, haven't had this much fun in ages" I couldn't keep the smile from my face. "I'll always remember this as my best birthday ever, thankyou Jace it means so much" he leaned forward and gave me a quick peck on the lips.

"We haven't even gotten to the best part yet" he added before disappearing to Izzy.

I was soon joined by a drunk and slightly slurring Simon.

"So red, getting old huh?" he teased, smirking like a taunting child.

"Yeah well happens to the best of us I guess" I retorted having another sip of the wine that Robert brought me a few minutes before.

"I need to ask a favour of you in the next few days" he whispered

"Shoot"

"I'm going to ask Izzy to marry me at the pre-opening, Magnus and Alec thought we could treat it like an engagement party. God I hope she says yes" he was suddenly pale. "I was hoping you and Mayrse could help me pick out a ring tomorrow." I took a moment for his words to sink in.

"HOLY SHIT SIMON" I embarrassingly shouted. Drawing all eyes to us. He grabbed me by the elbow and dragged me somewhere more private while scolding my tactless reaction.

"Holy shit Simon" I whisper yelled. "Of course she will say yes" I hugged him while jumping on the spot causing us both to almost fall over giggling.

"Text me half hour before you're ready, we will drop the ad off at the same time as our cover." I gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek before running back to the party.

Robert got everyone's attention and asked us all to come to the table. I was seated at the end. I was a little tipsy at this point but not enough to not realise that it was time to sing me happy birthday.

A beautiful cake was put in front of me with a single lit candle in the center. 'Happy birthday Clary' was written across the top in elegant script. Music notation for the happy birthday song written around the sides. I couldn't help the silent tears from falling from my eyes when everyone began to sing any more than I could keep the goofy grin off my face. I blew out the candle as gracefully as I could manage with my emotion.

Cheers erupted through the room as I was pounced on with hugs, pats on the back and kisses on the cheek.

I was suddenly pulled to my feet by Jace and wrapped into one of his delicious hugs. When he pulled away he held my face and gently wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. He then leant in and brushed our lips sweetly and softly together. We both smirked up at one another at the same time as we both leant into a hot and passionate kiss. He held me tighter and began to chuckle into the kiss when he felt my knees weaken from the intensity.

"Break it up, it's time for presents" Izzy pulled me away from Jace and seated me on his new sofa.

I was given so many wonderful gifts, Alec and Magus gave me an antique record player and some of my old favourites on vinyl along with an 8 track. Max and Luke were next with a finished copy of our comic book. Izzy and Simon cheekily gave me a 3 day trip for 2 to Florida, Mayrse and Robert gifted me 3 night accommodation to go with it.

The crowd around me suddenly parted to make way for Jace and Church. When they got closer I noticed that Church was dragging what looked like a rope. When he finally got to me and affectionately began to nuzzle my hand I grabbed hold of the rope. I quickly realised when I heard a tiny whimper that it was a lead. I scratched Church's ears as I bent down to the ground to get a better look. Before I could fully register what was happening I was charged by the sweet little Lab that fell asleep on me yesterday.

She was obviously shaking and scared with her tail between her legs. As soon as she reached the safety of my arms she immediately relaxed. I was in awe of this beautiful little creature in my arms. Church began to affectionately lick her and she began to get excited and immediately respond to him. I was giggling through tears at their obvious immediate bond. Secretly thankful that he had chosen her. I searched the crowd for Jace's face immediately locking eyes with him.

He was looking at me adoringly with his hand up to his face in anticipation, hoping that I liked my gift. He immediately began to grin like an idiot when he read my expression of happiness as I was hugging both of our dogs. I began to get a little over emotional when I thought of Church's short time left with us and began to cling to him. Jace was at my side in an instant. He wrapped his arms around us.

"I know baby, I know" was all he said obviously reading my mind. Our tears soon dissolved into giggles when the puppy and Church banded together with wagging tails to lick us all over in a disgusting display of affection. The mood now lifted we were able to gush over the puppy, she was so sweet and thanks to Church was now happily playing and relaxed. It was obvious that they were going to be great friends.

People began to slowly leave soon after it was almost midnight by now. Oscars going away party was tomorrow so the lightwoods were the first to leave taking most of the guests with them. Izzy took a swaying Simon up to their apartment.

Alec and Magnus hang around for a few minutes to help clean-up and play with the puppy. When they left Jace and I took the dogs up to the roof for a toilet break. Thankfully the shelter had her mostly toilet trained already so she was going to be easier to house break. Jace had already put up a barrier gate so she couldn't escape downstairs when she went out the dog door to the roof.

It didn't take long for either of us to find sleep. I was pulled into a dreamless sleep not long after.

The time leading up to the Pre-opening went by quickly. Simon got the perfect engagement ring and Oscar got a deserving send off and emotional welcome to his new family. We were busy training and preparing our staff for our opening. So far everything was going smoothly.

Church seemed to have a new lease on life thanks to the company of sweet little Abbey, a fitting name we chose to go along with her partner in crime Church. They were often found in mischief. Either digging up Magnus's favourite flowers in the rooftop garden or chewing on my favourite boots. They were so funny together. We spent endless hours of our downtime training and playing with them.

Jace and Church spent most nights at his place. Usually only staying over when either of us had a therapy session. Those nights were always easier together. Our friendship was stronger than ever. We were at the point where we effortlessly acted like a couple most of the time too. But we both still needed to take things slowly it was helping us both learn how to be in a relationship.

I wasn't confused or scared of my feelings for him anymore, but it was all still so foreign. We were thankful and taking the opportunity for things to happen naturally, rather than being pushed together by the stresses and incidents in our lives.

I was loving every second of it. It surprised me more everyday how easy it was to be with him and just let it happen. Life in general has never been so good. We would take a walk with the dogs every morning and have a picnic breakfast at a nearby park. And always had a craved snuggle in front of the television every night even if it was just for 20 minutes. It usually turned into a heated make out session at some point that usually was interrupted by the dogs jumping on us like annoying toddlers.

We found time to play music with everyone every day. Jace and Izzy helped me complete my project for the producer, boosting my bank balance healthily and bringing me a step closer to my Professional Studio dream. I decided not to take on another project for a few months until the Club was functioning smoothly.

Tonight was the pre-opening. We didn't book a band for tonight, opting instead to alternate between a DJ and all of us performing a song or two. It was still a secret engagement party at this point and was strictly invite only so we wanted to keep things a little informal for our guests. The staff all seemed ready to get started and the Kitchen had been prepping since the early hours of the afternoon for this evening's menu.

We were all dressed to impress and alternate between working and mingling with our guests. We were all a mix of nerves and excitement for our first glimpse of the results of our tireless efforts. Simon was looking quite pale by this point. It would have been funny if I wasn't worried that he would chicken out because he looked so scared. Hilariously the only thing Izzy seemed to be worried about was her hair.

Once we were notified that most of our guests had arrived we made our grand entrance to the main stage welcoming everyone to Pandemonium.

We gave a brief overview on our journey to open for our guests. We told them how we all met, about the bar and its connection to the institute by Madame Dorethea. The addition of Magnus to our family and thanked everyone who put their fair share of blood, sweat and tears to get to tonight before thanking everyone for sharing tonight with us and announcing the dinner service.

There was a flurry of activity for a while as dinner service got under way. We were all seated and shared our first dinner with a very proud Mayrse and Robert. Magnus disappeared a few times to check how his staff were coping with the rush. Jordan was definitely the right choice for the job as head chef putting on a seamless shift. Maia had everyone expertly coordinated and prepared as well. So far it was a roaring success and we all had a dinner to remember.

Simon disappeared with Alec and Jace before Dessert was served to check on a few things.

My nerves finally kicked in as I realised his moment was looming. Magnus disappeared into the kitchen soon after to see what the holdup was with our deserts.

There was a sudden tap on the microphone on the main stage. The pale Simon that had sat beside me all night so far was nowhere to be seen. On the stage stood my handsomely confident love struck friend. I couldn't help but beam with pride at the realisation of how he was going to propose. He was standing at the mic with his acoustic guitar in his hands flanked by Alec and Jace also with their Acoustics. He didn't say a word, just seductively winked at Izzy causing her to vocally swoon like a total fan girl for him. All thoughts of the desert service temporarily forgotten by the whole room, all eyes on the stage as all 3 of them started to play.

I recognised the song immediately, it was the same song that he played for her in the aftermath of their first major fight after senior year, they almost became separated. They were accepted into different Universities across the country. Simon eventually deferred for a year so he could reapply at NQ the following year so they could stay together. He went on to officially declare he was hopelessly in love with Izzy by performing 'Groovy Kind Of Love' by Phil Collins at our graduation party.

Here he was again, sounding a million times better than the first time, declaring his love for Isabel Lightwood. Izzy and Mayrse were clinging to one another with obvious tears. I wondered if Iz had any idea of what was coming after the song ended. Magnus had snuck up behind her holding her desert in front of him with a shiny engagement ring sticking out of the top. He winked at me when I flashed him a smile of approval.

The song soon came to a close and Simon began to speak.

"I loved you the moment I saw you Iz, and I've fallen deeper in love with you every day since. I wanted to make tonight extra special by asking you in front of all our friends if you would do me the honour of becoming my wife, Isabell Lightwood will you marry me?"

The room fell completely silent, my suspicion as to if Izzy knew was mistaken when she gasped for air. She was so shocked and overcome with emotion that by the time she got a glimpse of her desert she shot out of her seat and went barrelling for the stage. Simon was off the stage and in her arms before anyone could blink an eye. I almost had to look away from them lovingly embracing, kissing and whispering into each other's ears it was such a beautiful and intimate moment.

Everyone around me was holding their breath awaiting the official announcement. I plucked her ring out of her Tiramisu and cleaned it off with a napkin as I approached them. Jace reading my thoughts cleared his throat into the Mic

"Well…. what's your answer Izz?" he hesitantly asked. When they both began to furiously nod their heads Jase couldn't contain his excitement as he began to cheer into the microphone causing the whole room to erupt into cheers. I presented the happy couple with the ring. No longer able to hold my own excitement I jumped on them. We were soon joined by the others sharing happy tears, pats on the back and crushing hugs. Things slowly settled back down as Desert service began to flow again. Izzy and Simon were at the bar with Robert and Mayrse having a few private minutes while we returned to our table to finish eating.

They returned a few minutes later with a round of champagne to toast the happy couple. Robert lead the Speech welcoming Simon to the family and officially congratulating them on behalf of the family. Just as we were all about to take a sip Izzy decided to say a few words. Simon and Alec had both taken a mouthful. It was hilarious watching them trying not to swallow it while izzy said her own toast. She stood behind her chair with her glass in the air.

"Ok I'd like to add my own toast. Clary you might want to go and stand behind Jace for this." I was confused but I obliged. "Ok so I would like to make a toast to my future husband. The father my child" I now understood why she asked me to move.

The mouthful that Simon and Alec were holding suddenly sprayed across the table all over Izzy and my deserts. "Glad you listened Clary, you look amazing tonight' she threw me a wink as I burst into laughter, the rest of the table joining me. Simon practically dove over the table in his excitement to get to Izzy. We all soon followed to congratulate them on their second big news for the evening. It was definitely a night to remember.

The rest of the night was a massive hit. Our guests went on to party into the early hours of the morning, including the soon to be grandparents. We all drifted between celebrating, working and performing. The staff did amazing for their first night. When all our guests had left for the evening we were pleased to officially offer them all positions. We sent Izzy and Simon home earlier but we stayed for the clean-up and lock down before we triumphantly retired to our apartments just after 4am.

All was set. We open in 2 days.


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

We opened a month ago. Things have been amazing. I underestimated how much fun it would be to work with my friends, I hope the novelty never wears off. It's even better that we run the place, there is no one telling us what to do.

At least once a night we each drag each other out to the dance floor to or up on stage to fill a space between Band sets and the DJ. We have found a comfortable routine and roster, it allows us all time for doing other things. The club is open 4 nights a week. We usually put in a half day each to keep up with paperwork that we don't get done throughout the week. We usually packed to full capacity from opening to closing with a line up out the front awaiting admittance.

We have had to double our bar staff and add 3 more wait staff along with several more security positions still waiting to be filled. We have a temporary hire company helping us out in the meantime.

It's an amazing feeling to see something you have worked so hard for take-off. It's been one hell of a ride to get here but every second of hard work was worth it.

I was able to put a down payment on the building next door last week. I should have it paid for and under construction within the year. I have 6 lucrative projects lined up over the next year that should set my plans in motion.

My health is still at its best in years. I think I have finally managed to achieve and maintain a balance, it's done my mental state so much good as well. I do Izzys class 3 times a week, breakfast strolls with Jace and the Dogs and therapy once a week.

Our fantastic staff have eased the workload from us all, running a seamless shift almost every night, making it possible to continue my music projects sooner than expected and have plenty of time to relax.

Jace and Church are still in their apartment. Maia and Jordan stay with him a bit on nights that we are open as Jordan has to do the shopping for the restaurant. Max is here every night that he is allowed. We still bake cookies once a week together, Jace will usually help now. I insist we do it at his place because I was sick of cleaning up my abandoned, flour covered kitchen after one to many food fights in it. We still have them, but Jace can't run away from the clean up now.

We spend almost every waking moment that we are not at work together. We see each other at work, but it's usually only a brief encounter unless we are behind the bar together or in our joint office.

It certainly hasn't taken me long to put things in perspective with everything that has happened over the last year. It was never a question as to if I was in Love with Jace.

It was always a question of if I thought I could be capable to show it and be ok with feeling it.

I was a shattered mess my whole life. I always thought that I did such a good job of hiding things, specially my emotions.

When I met Jace it turned my world upside down, We would have destroyed each other if he didn't leave. And he knew it.

He knew that the worst thing that could happen for either of us, was to be without each other for good. I knew he was right because he knew me better than I knew myself. This is what got me through all those weeks, I trust him.

If he stayed we would have eventually done damage beyond compare to each other. It was too soon for me, and I was transitioning horribly with too many changes to my life. I was so terrified of the feeling of someone loving me. I was equally scared of loving someone as much as I did Jace, if I ever lost him I think I would cease to exist, it would destroy me.

He watched from a distance and waited until the time was right for both of us to come back. He was going through his own baggage at the same time. He told me once about what he was thinking the day he left without explanation.

He was handling the memories of the night I was admitted terribly, he was struggling with the thoughts that he could lose me for good if I relapsed. Something that he knew he could not bear. When he saw that I was still trying to adjust to my feelings he became terrified that having him there would do me more harm than good, knowing that I had everyone watching me so closely he knew that I would be ok. He wasn't so sure about himself, his own insecurities of abandonment and poor head space won out at the time and he bolted. He realised that he didn't have it together as he thought he did.

He came back right at the time when we were both ready to finally move forward, knowing we didn't need each other to do it now, but we wanted each other. It was effortless by that point for us to do it together. The whole thing may not have been easy for either of us but it was certainly necessary, even if we could have handled things better.

There had been a recent shift between us. Things had begun to feel so much more intense, he was intoxicating me whenever I felt him close.

We made a no PDA at work rule long before we even opened. As we have grown close together again it's become a task that I feel is almost impossible. I must admit it's made things outside of work amazing, I didn't think our make out sessions could get any better once we reunited but I was definitely wrong. It's a struggle by the minute to control myself whenever I can sense him in the room.

I know that Jace can see my struggle. When he walks into a room, he will avoid me just long enough to make me almost lose my mind, but will be looking at me with his sexy smirk almost the whole time. His slight touches throughout our shifts, even just the looks he sends my way are driving me wild and he knows it.

Tonight marks the end of our working week, 3 days off. I haven't been able to wipe the thoughts of his arms around me from my mind ever since he suggested that we take the 3 day trip to Florida this weekend. Our flight leaves in a few hours and I've been quietly reflecting on the last month while packing my bags for the trip. Jace will be here in an hour, having already packed he has taken Church and Abbey to the institute with Max.

I don't need much just a few changes of clothes, a decent outfit to wear if we go out, my shower bag, guitar and Jaces shirt to sleep in. it's still taking me forever to get it sorted out though. The thoughts of what I hope will change between us after this weekend are too distracting.

I am not a stranger to physical intimacy, even with my past abusive experiences it's something that has never bothered me like most expect it would, I have even enjoyed it as long as it has been on my terms. I have had 2 physical relationships since senior year. Never anything more than sex. Just friends with benefits, minus the friend part. It has been just over a year since I had slept with anyone. The day my little crush with Jace blossomed it wasn't something I couldn't continue.

I hadn't spelt it out for Jace but I was definitely ready for things to take the next step. I could tell he was to, but I didn't want to have the conversation and have things turn awkward and add pressure. I wanted things to be as perfect and natural as the last month had been.

I was torn from my day dreaming when a chucking Jace came and gave me a sweet kiss behind the ear.

"Are you ready baby?" he whispered seductively in my ear. Mesmerised by his voice all I could manage was a dopey nod. Jace chuckled again, knowing exactly the effect he was having on me. I noticed his very small overnight bag.

"Did you even bring clothes Jace? That things as small as my shower bag" I teased.

"Nope, I don't plan on wearing much this weekend" he winked as he pulled me into a searing kiss.

"Now let's get the hell out of here or were not making it to the Airport" he begged.

"How long till we get there?" I wined. I was ready to forget Florida and lock my front door for 3 days.

"About 4 hours we have to be out to the cab in about 5….." he didn't get a chance to finish the sentence. I completely lost control and pounced on him, plunging into the most intense and naughty make out session, I couldn't wait 4 hours for a kiss like this. It had only been a minute or two when a car horn from our cab signalled it was time to go.

"We could always head into the city and find a hideout for a few days, there was only one reason I agreed to go on the trip anyway" I whispered into his ear once we were seated into the cab.

He bent down and rubbed our noses together before planting a quick kiss on my lips that I tried to deepen before Jace pulled away with that sexy smirk on his lips. "sure?" he simply asked.

"Fuck yes" I blurted out before I could think it through. Jace burst into laughter before giving the cab driver new directions to go back to the apartment.

When we got there I was almost delirious with desire. Jace sensing my impatience made me sit on the steps while he whipped upstairs for his bike keys with his phone pressed to his ear. I figured I might as well check in at the club. Deciding that a call would be better than getting roped into a job if I went inside. I dialled Magnus's office number.

"Hey biscuit, what's up shouldn't you be on a plane?" he asked suspicious of my call.

"Change of plans, just wanted to check up on things"

"All's good here, I just sent Izzy up, rowdy crowd here tonight she didn't seem up to it"

"Good call I'll probably see her in a sec, I'm just waiting to head out"

"So if Florida was a bust where are you headed?" he questioned.

"Your guess is as good as mine Mags"

"You're still taking your pills I trust? We don't need the brains of this operation away on maternity leave so soon" I couldn't help but laugh out loud to his comment. Just as Izzy was trudging up the stairs looking worse for wear.

"No need to worry yourself Mags, I'm going to help Iz up to bed, I'll see you in a few days, call if you need anything ok."

"Have a great weekend Biscuit love you"

"Love you to Mags" I shook my head with a chuckle as I hung up the call.

I flicked a quick text to Jace telling him where I was going then I reached for Izzys arm and lead her up to her apartment then her bed. None of us had even greeted each other she was obviously so exhausted.

"I'll be right back" I softly said to her before I slipped from the room to grab her a drink and some crackers. I remembered she said they made her feel a bit better when she woke up in the mornings.

When I returned she was sitting up over the bed looking at her feet.

"Fuck I'm so tired" I chuckled at her before crouching down to take off her heels for her so she could lay down comfortably.

"It will soon pass Izz, I'm so prou.." I didn't get to finish my sentence before I was suddenly covered in vomit. I didn't dare move for a few seconds hoping I had just imagined the whole thing.

There was a roar of laughter from the doorway, Izzy soon joined in.

"What the hell guys" I shrieked jumping to my feet, Jace was making his way over to us falling over himself with laughter. Izzy had rolled back onto the bed in hysterics. Barely managing to remind me that I told her it would pass.

"I'm sorry baby, that was just so…. So…"he didn't finish before he was in hysterics again. Clearing his throat in an attempt to hold it together he added "I'm sorry, go have a shower ill finish up here.

"Sorry Clary!" I heard Izzy yell from behind me as I bolted to my apartment.

I was almost done rinsing the soap from my body when I heard the door click and Keys rattle onto the stand beside my bed. Jace had returned, he locked eyes with me as he silently began to remove his shirt. I held my breath from the intensity of his stare.

I had wanted to be with him like this for a year. My mind was already racing with thoughts of how I wanted to touch him, he had just started to unbuckle his pants when I leant out and pulled him into a heart stopping kiss.

He broke the kiss to remove the rest of his clothes. Realising I still had shampoo in my hair I leant back into the water to rinse it out and make sure all evidence of my attempt to help Izzy were removed.

I barely had it all out when Jace stepped into the shower. Immediately I was pinned up against the shower wall, our naked bodies pressed up against each other, he kissed me slowly and passionately.

We spent over 45 glorious minutes in the shower. It was to say the least, the best shower of either of our lives. I never wanted to shower alone again.

Neither of us got much sleep, spending the whole night showing each other everything we felt for each other. Releasing all our built up tension and acting on our desires over and over again.

We eventually fell asleep wrapped around each other like we had so many nights before, only this time there was nothing separating us. No clothing, no secrets. We were both finally right where we were supposed to be. Together.


	22. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

The last year has gone quickly, a year that has been filled with both sadness and joy brining on many welcome changes to all our lives.

Izzy and Simon welcomed Seth into the world 3 months ago and are set to be married in 2 months. He came into the world very quickly. He was born in Magnus's office when Izzy went to see him late into his shift with light contractions. things progressed very quickly, within 30 minutes Jace and Magnus delivered Seth after both Alec and Simon fainted on the floor leaving Maia and me to be nurse and midwife. It was terrifying!

Magnus and Alec were married last month and are in the middle of proceedings to adopt a newborn girl Masie that they instantly fell in love with from the Lightwood Institute as it is now called. She is also 3 months old. They spend every free moment at the institute.

The club has thrived beyond our expectations, thanks to great staff it runs its self mostly without us now. Izzy has been absent for a little over 5 months with Seth, I look after him some nights so she can get out there but it's not expected. Magnus is preparing for indefinite leave when Masie comes to join them, they have decided he will be the stay at home dad, he is only upstairs if the restaurant needs him anyway.

We were all devastated with the passing of Church a few weeks ago, a blow that was softened when Abbey gave birth to 6 of his puppies within the week of his passing 5 boys and 1 girl. We didn't even realise she was expecting until 2 weeks before he passed. Jace and I now have an apartment crawling with 6 gorgeous Labrador puppies. Church's final gift to ensure his best friend would always have a part of him at his side.

Jace officially moved in 5 months ago, even though we have barely spent a night apart since our failed weekend trip a year ago. Jordan and Maia now live in his apartment downstairs.

We still have a picnic breakfast with the dogs every morning, at the moment it is just to the park behind the club, it's not easy walking 7 excited dogs about. We have already found homes for most of them. 2 will be moving to the institute, 1 will go with Maia's brother and another to Oscar and his family. Jace is yet to choose which one we will keep yet, I think he is waiting to see which one turns out the most like Church.

I have managed to stay on my mostly healthy and happy path. I had a bad flu that put me out for a few weeks a while ago that I was pretty upset about. Seth was only a week old when I got it, so I put myself under house arrest with antibiotics so he wouldn't get sick. I spent 3 blissful weeks with Jace in our apartment resting it up.

We both still regularly attend therapy, it's something I don't think will change for quite a while yet.

We went back to having regular weekly Jam sessions with the Institute not long after things settled down. But instead of having them at the Club or band space, we now have them at the freshly completed Pandemonium Studios next door.

I officially end my contract with the label in a month. It's made me enough money to get me to where I want to be. And given me enough credibility in the industry that the studio is already booked up for the first 6 months.

Will and Jem have both been accepted into the same Music Production program that I graduated from last year. I can't wait for them to come and work part time with me next year. They will be moving across to Izzy and Simons apartment when their house is ready in a few months.

Will and Tess are still together. Jem ended up with the lovely Jessica who is now Oscars older adopted sister. Jess will be moving in with the Jem in a few weeks as they are expecting to also have a baby. Will is going to live with Tess at the end of next year when Magnus and Alec move into the house that they have just began to build a few blocks from the Institute and close to Izzy and Simon.

Jace and I are really happy where we are at the moment. Our futures are secure, we are kept busy with all of our current ventures. Jace runs the clinic 1 day a week for Mayrse so she can have an extra day off every week and a full week every 2 months so Mayrse and Robert can travel or have time to do things with the Kids.

We have spoken about one day starting a family of our own. It was a subject hard to avoid with every ones families growing around us. With my past miscarriage and sexual abuse history it was quite a delicate subject for us both to work through.

Jace asked me if I would be willing one day to have the appropriate testing necessary to see if our own family would one day be a possibility. Knowing it was important to him I decided to have it done right away. I didn't want it to be a question hanging over our heads for years.

The testing ruled that it would be very difficult for me to fall pregnant, not entirely impossible but unlikely to happen.

I was really quite upset by it all at the time. I didn't expect it to affect me the way it did. It all came into perspective however when Magnus and Alec decided to adopt Masie. Both Jace and I coming from the system, we both know that there are so many beautiful and deserving children out there. One day when we are ready we will both be wonderful and supportive parents to at least 3 of them.

It's a long way off however, we are both very selfish when it comes to our time together. We enjoy our blissful spontaneous love making sessions to much to think about that too soon. It's great though to have everything out in the open. Jace has even told me that one day he will propose when he feels the time is right.

I don't plan on giving him the opportunity.

It is the one year anniversary of Pandemonium tonight. I plan to propose to him.

The whole family is having a dinner before the restaurant opens to the exclusive invite only crowd. And unlike Simon I want it to be just the family at this table when I do it. None of them know what I have planned or even that I have been thinking about it so I'm sure it will be a shock to them all.

I have decided to be traditional about the whole affair. We have a few minutes till desert is served, Jace has disapeard upstairs to check on the pups before the night gets away from us.

I have asked Mayrse and Robert to join me at the bar for a few words.

"Were so proud of you kids, you know. Its more than we could have hoped for you all" Mayrse begins. I offor her a smile before I interrupt her trail of thought.

" I asked you both to join me up here for a special reason" I smile broardly at them. They both fall silent waiting for me to continue.

"I am going to ask Jace to marry me tonight and I wanted to formally ask your permission" they both are stunned. Im sure it was the last thing they were expecting me to say. Before I have a chance to overthink their silence Robert pulls me into a bone crushing hug.

"Oh honey, this is wonderful, but I have one condition" he whispers loud enough that only Mayrse and I can hear.

"I'll do anything" I assure him.

"It would make me the happiest Dad alive if I could have the honour of walking my future daughter down the isle" I can't contain my tears and neither can Mayrse. Before I have a chance to accept Jace is rushing to my side. A look of worry and concern plastered on his face.

"Babe! What's wrong" he wipes at my cheeks while searching my eyes for an answer.

"I'm fine baby, promise" I flash Robert a beaming smile and give him a kiss on the cheek before dragging Jace back to the table.

A few minutes later when everyone has settled and finished desert I decide to make my move, I give Jaces hand a squeeze and excuse myself to the ladies room there I have hidden a single red rose to present Jace when I propose with a pendant that I had made for him.

When I exit the bathroom Robert clears his throat. He knows exactly what I am doing and gets everyone's attention.

When my eyes lock with Jaces I see adoration and love in his stare, the hint of confusion tells me that I definitely will have him surprised. I smile knowingly at him as I walk to his side with the single red rose in my grasp.

I reach for his hand as I kneel at his feet on one knee. I can see that he is still trying to work out what I am doing but his signature smirk hides his nerves.

"Jace, I don't know how I ever lived before you, and I want to live every day for the rest of my life beside you," everyone at the table is stunned into silence. Jace is smiling so brightly it could out shine the sun. He climbs out of his chair to match my level on the floor.

"Jace Lightwood, will you spend the rest of your life with me as my husband?" he takes my right hand in his as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box.

He leans in and gives me a feather light kiss.

"Everyday… with you as my wife" he answers as he opens the box revealing a beautiful emerald ring and slipping it on my finger.

I reach into my pocket and pull out the pendant that I had made for him with two joined music notes hanging from the centre.

He leans forward so I can place it around his neck. The promise is then sealed with a breathtaking kiss as the cheers erupt around us.

After all that we went through trying to match the others pace, one of us always a little ahead of the other but always trying to fall into step with one another. We finally came to this moment where we can finally walk the rest of our lives together side by side.

The end…. ox


End file.
